I added an element

See that ticker? The one above here? It's what I've been waiting for. It's the day I'll marry the man that I thankfully found.

Now to get to planning.

*smile*

Dear Pete,

I don't know if I can ever express how much you mean to me. When you're curled around me at night and I feel you breathe next to me I thank God. I thank the stars and the heavens. I thank you. I really don't know what my life would have been without you. You fill me up so full that there isn't room for the negative things that filled me up before.

I realized a few months ago that my laugh had changed. Or rather bloomed. I don't think I was ever really laughing before. Oh, I'd laugh and sometimes laugh so hard I cried. I just don't think it was my true laugh. When I'm with you and I laugh it sounds so very different. So very happy, innocent and joyous. I love it. I love that you can bring that out in me. And I love you so very much.

Love Michelle

The Wedding

I feel like that word should have the music behind it that plays when a character in a movie is killed and everyone is trying to figure out who the killer is. Wedding...dum DA dum!

I've come to the conclusion that my parents are not going to be happy participants of this process. And while it hurts, I'm not going to lie, I need to move on. I probably think about this wedding at least once a day. When the thought enters my mind, I rush it away with other thoughts so that it's a fleeting second and not hours of my day.

Last night I finally said to Pete, "So what do you want to do about getting married?" And he responded with what he always does - it's up to me. I think if he had his way we'd go off somewhere to marry alone. And while the thought is entertaining, it's not what I've dreamed of. And if I'm only doing this once, I'd like to come close to the dream.

So I think the plan is that we're having a 6:45pmish ceremony at the ampitheater at Centennial Lakes and then a reception in the Centrum Building . I've checked out some catering sites and think that we can do an appetizer buffet for a small amount, get a cake and have the beverage service that it there for a reasonable amount.

I want it to be simple and classic.

I've been thinking about color schemes and my creative mind is in a bundle here. Both Pete and I love the color blue. But I don't know that it is what I want in a wedding. My sister had blue and we were just at a wedding this time last year with blues. I'm thinking raspberry pink, fushia, orange and reds. Kind of like a sunset scheme since we're marring at dusk. I've got some sites and items saved that I want to show Pete and see what he says.

Then I guess I need to formally ask my sister to be my matron of honor and see if she'll go shopping with me for a dress. Instead of me picking out a dress for her, I'm going to let her pic out the dress she wants that somewhat coordinates with my dress in a color from the scheme.

And now my creative brain wonders just how to get the supplies needed to make invites! This makes me smile. Something creative to do. I thinkI'm craving that again. Craving the creative things to take my mind off everything else.

It's getting lighter

I can tell that the days are stretching out. It used to be that I'd drive to work in the dark. But in the last few weeks it's gotten lighter much earlier. Now I head into that beautiful orange sun each morning and it brightens the beginning of my day.

Sunday we did a Day Trip. I say that with capital letters because it's a title and important enought to warrant the capitals. We are on the search for the perfect brunch aftr having a great one when we were down in New Ulm a few weeks ago. So our quest conitnued on Sunday with brunch at Old Country Buffet. Sadly it was not 'it' and we're still on the search for the great one around here.

While eating we decided to go for a walk around Cenntennial Lakes Park. It was in the 30's a beautiful out. Hard to pass up when there has been so much snow and cold the last few months. So after brunch we got in the car & met a friend at the park. We walked for a little over 3 miles. While we were walking we got to talking about all the attractions at the park and mini golf was brought up. Since there is still snow, we headed to the Mall of America and Moose Mountain for some golf. Of course Pete won, but I wasn't that far behind.

Then we decided to go to the gym ( Anytime Fitness ) to work out. We lifted weights together and Pete showed me some new things to do on the weight machine. It really kicked my behind because my shins and shouldres have been sore ever since. We had dinner then went home to watch a movie: Easy Rider . It was cool to see how young Dennis Hopper and Jack Nicholson looked. The movie was ok, but sort of long in some parts.

But that, what I've just described, is a Day Trip. It's getting up and going to do one thing and ending up with a whole day full of activites that leave you wanting more. It's really gotten me wanting the warm weather and the fun of doing those things.

It's been 20 years!

Saturday night Pete and I went to a reunion of sorts form college. It was so much fun.

My first year in college I met this really diverse group of girls. Kim, Stacy, Shar, Jodi, Kim, Paula, Caroline, Pam, Sonja, Kim, Beth, Lori, Shelly...I'm sure there are more, but my aged brain (lol) can't remember them right now. Anyway, we formed this group that did lots of things together, in pairs or groups. After the first year, the group dwindled and some new ones were added.

My did we have fun back then. I remember the whole big group of us at a frat house in a huge circle hanging on to each other and singing along with Bon Jovi's Never Say Goodbye. I remember nights out a party houses giggling and drinking when we were underage. I remember goign to Garvy (the dining hall) and picking out food for dinners. I remember lots of lots of mischief.

After the second year, the majority of the group had moved on and we saw less and less of each other. After I graduated I kept in touch with a few of them...Stacy, Kim, Jodi, Caroline. Then that died down a lot also. I think we got busy with our "adult lives" and the friendships, while grat ones in the past, became somewhat less important. However, the memories were always there.

About 6 months ago I was in a grocery store and ran into Sonja. I actually hung up on Pete because I was so excited to talk to her. (sorry honey) Late last year a group of us girls got together for dinner. It was so strange and yet so wonderful to see those girsl again. To talk about the things we did and where we are in our lives now.

This past weekend we got together at someone's house with all the husbands/finance's. I was hoping that Pete would have fun and he said he did. He noticed how I kind of sit back and watch, interacting somewhat. He asked about it and I told him that this was my "role" back then and I fall into it again. I would sit back, take it all in and then jump in sometimes. Not that I separated myself from everyone, but I needed to find my place in each situation before I was comfortable enough to get in. I think he understands that. He also got to see my big 80's hair and laughed at some of the things we did.

As for me, I looked around the room at the group of girls that I hung around with and they look the same. Some of gained weight, some have gotten a little older, but they are still that group that I loved hanging out with. And I look at their lives now and some of them are exactly where I would have put them when thinking about it 20 years ago. Some are nowhere what I thought they'd be.

I can't wait to do it again.

Pete's Bucket List

Firstly, you may be a redneck if you watched the lunar eclipse from your bedroom floor through the scope of an AK-19 rifle. lol

We crossed something off Pete's Bucket List this week. He's never seen a lunar eclipse. Actually never seen any eclipse. So we did away with watching American Idol (guilty pleasure) and decided to watch the eclipse. It was hard to see with the naked eye so Pete got out some rifles with scopes on them. We layed on the bedroom floor and watched teh eclipse through the scopes.

For once, we crossed something off his list that I had done, but he had not!

Fish Check

Or as Pete says, "How are the kids?" LOL

One fish has been staring me down for about an hour. I'm weirded out forst of all that I noticed it. Secondly wondering if they see things in single vision like we do or double given that they have eyes on either side of the body. Thirdly, is it like dogs who stare at you to beg when they're hungry?

Anyway, this is the first weekend they'll be alone. I hope they're ok. The building hsa teh air mizers turned off about 3pm each week day and they stay off all weekend. Wouldn't be bad, but I'm on the top floor and it's sweltering in my office on the weekends. When we were here setting it up it was about 86 degrees on the thermometer. Good thing they're tropical fish, right? I experimented and filled the tank up to the bottom of the cover with water this afternoon. I want to see howmuch is gone by Monday morning.

So have a good weekend!

ps....it's still staring.

5 Things

I see lists all the time in blogs and somewhat see it as an "easy entry". However this list that was posted on a message board took some thought and time to complete. I thought it appropriate for blogging. I really tried to complete it quickly with the first things that come to mind. And it somewhat reminds me of the Bucket List in that it makes you think about what is important to you.

Fascinate me:
1. 1960's era. The politics, the culture, the feeling, the events...
2. The ocean. Powerful, relaxing, beautiful all in one.
3. A child's mind. It's amazing how they think.
4. Pete. The man has lived and travelled in so many places. His youth was so different from mine.
5. Reality shows. Why would people go on them? What things do they do on them that they wouldn't? All of it.

Inspire me
1. My Grandma. The work ethic and ethic in gerneral for life makes me want to reach higher.
2. My niece. Seeing the world through her eyes makes me want to forget the big picture and focus on the little things that make me happy.
3. Food network. LOL I love to cook. And watching it makes me think about quitting this life and becoming a chef.
4. The sun. The brightness, the warmth, the way it colors the world around me makes me inspired to be nicer to nature.
5. Jon Bon Jovi. *giggle* I look at him and how he went from nothing to rock str, philanthapist, businessman, family man, friend. It makes me want to be more like him

Anger me
1. Child abuse.
2. Criminals who continue to revolve in the system.
3. Cancer. I HATE it.
4. People who are inconsiderate drivers. Your stupidity shouldn't put me at risk for a crash...
5. The government. It's a love/hate thing.

Confuse me
1. The buraucracy of government. How did we lose the simple idea of get it done to all that crap in the legislature?
2. Sokodu puzzles.
3. How a computer works (no matter how many times Pete explains all the workings...)
4. How people full of themselves cannot see that they are full of themselves.
5. Making Lebkuchen for Christmas! LOL

Delight me
1. A child's laughter.
2. Seeing Pete's smile at me.
3. Feeling the warm sun on my face.
4. Gooey chocolate cake.
5. A cold diet dr pepper on a hot day.

Amaze me
1. The vastness of the world that I have never seen.
2. That my parents lived through the turbulent 60's. That my Grandparents lived through the Great Depression.
3. That I am an adult.
4. How I can connect with people on the internet that I have never met.
5. True Love.

Sadden me
1. Child abuse.
2. Crime in general. The revolving criminal that is wasting a life.3
. Couples who cannot have children, despite years of trying.
4. The thought that I may not have children of my own.
5. The thought of losing my parents.

Fulfill me
1. My love for Pete.
2. Being creative - cards, scraping, crochet...
3. Reading a good book.
4. Learning something new.
5. Doing a random act of kindness with nothing expected in return.

Frighten me
1. Growing old without having children.
2. Losing my family to death.
3. The what-if's that I regrat doing or not doing.
4. Chemical/nuclear war.
5. Losing control of a vehicle while driving for any reason.

Relax me
1. A bath.
2. Laying in bed next to Pete with my head in his arm.
3. A nice glass of wine and a good meal.
4. A day walking around a museam.
5. The feeling of being loved.

So what are yours?

It's a whole new office...kind of

My office at work is on the top floor of the building. It's a weird "T" shape in that I have dormer windows in the middle of the office (outside wall of course) and right across from that is the door. On the sides I have little cubbie holes that hold a small table. One side has a bookshelf in it, the other a table with my little fridge/coffee maker/microwave.

I have my desk in the large area by the windows. Only the sun is horrid. I mean I love sunlight, don't get me wrong. It's the glare from the light on my computer screen or the glare from the snow bouncing in on my computer screen. It got so bad that I cleared out the bookcase cubbie hole and moved my desk & computer table in there. Ever glare screen, window share and other office supply didn't make a dent in the glare. And I was tired of coming home with a headache from squinting. Now that I think about it, I could have worn my sunglasses! LOL

This past weekend Pete and I came up to the office and made some changes. He put on antiglare window tinting. It's a static cling sheet that is really made for cars, but works well here. Then we moved my desk & computer back by the windows.

Then we did the fun stuff - set up the fishtank he gave me for Valentines Day. Today I have 6 tetras in it. 5 of them are orange and black. There is one lonely silver one that the guy at the store got in there. After his third try at getting the ones I wanted I told him to forget trying a 4th time and just leave it in there. But it's not schooling with the orange ones so I hope it's ok.

With these changes I feel like I have a whole new office!

What a sweetheart...

My guy that is. He fully redeemed himself from last years Valentine's gift of ...nothing.

I came home Wednesday night to a cleared kitchen table. I am still afraid to ask what happened to all the various items that were on it. Bills, receipts, papers, the camera...I'm sure they're located somewhere in the house, right? Then I was told I could not go in the laundry room. So I didn't. How good am I?

Valentine morning I ran to get his gift, but he made me come to the laundry room with him. I got a beautiful fish tank for my office! I have been wanting one for a year and never got around to buying one. The tank wasn't filled with water and fish. He told me we could go pick those out and set it up this weekend at my office. Instead it was filled with chocolates that have meaning in that we got them at a special place or ate them and have special memories of that. Jolly Ranchers that we keep by the bag full in the cars for a little summer treat when we are out and about. A chocolate rose in the small coke bottle that we got at the fort this summer. And a perfect single red rose in a heart balloon. Each thing was significant and he point it all out.

Then he got me the silliest card about a bubble bath. Only he wrote the most beautiful sentiment in it. Talking about the rose and history and how much he loves me.

Totally redeemed himself. And it still makes me smile.

Now what kindo f fish should I get?

Dear Pete,

The other day I was upset by a local news story. For some reason it touched my heart and I really related to it. You reminded me that there was nothing that I could do. Only you did it in a soft, soothing way that let me know you realized how much it effected me.

That night we were watching movies and the last one we had left was "Tuesdays With Morrie". I honestly don't remember requesting it from the site, but it was delivered. I told you I didn't want to watch it because I knew how it ended from all the media buzz when it first came out. You encouraged me to put it in anyway. A short way through it I said I wasn't interested in it and you asked why.

I can't put my finger on why. Maybe it's because I don't know if I ever had a Morrie in my life. Maybe it's because I don't want to think about someone important to me dying. Whatever the reason you comforted me.

Then you sweetly and quietly told me that there were times that you just needed to hear my voice and you call me. That there were times you just needed to touch me so you put your hand in mine or your hand in my lap.

I realized then and there that I love you so much that it makes my heart ache. I had always wondered how that could happen. How someone could be so important that it would make your physical heart ache. I have now experienced it.

I love you. I love you more than any words can say. And there are times when I just need to hug you and have you hug me back. I'm thankful you're like that too.

Love Michelle

I did it

Sunday night I had a dream. Vivid and frustrating. In the dream Pete and I were at my sister's house. I had just reprimanded my niece for something and my Mom disagreed. She wanted me to apologize to my niece. I said no and my sister backed me up. However, my Mom actually grabbed my arm to force me to turn around and apologize.

I pulled my arm from her and told her that she had gone too far. That if she did not agree with me, to keep it to herself. In the exchange of words she made it clear that she could not do that. And we agreed to never talk again.

I was distressed and wanted to talk to my Dad to make sure that he understood what happened. But everytime I went to talk to him, someone pulled me away for some reason. I woke up before I got to talk to him.


All day Monday I thought about what that dream was telling me. How I could lose my relationship with my parents or lose my parents and regret it. So I went over what I wanted to say in my head all day on Tuesday. How I wanted to get my point across about how they hurt me. How I wanted them to be a part of the wedding, but needed to move on it if they couldn't. And I called.

My Mom answered. She sounded awful. It turns out that she has been having problems with her colon again. She hasn't been eating and has had to have another CT scan to see if she has an infection back in there again. It totally deflated my anger. While I think that was a good thing, it also didn't allow me to say my peace with her and be able to move on.

So I called. I did it. But I have no resolution and I wonder where do I go from here?

Finally Friday

Today is a good day.

It was snowing when I left home this morning. The whispy small flakes that float across the road like mist. It was pretty, but a little slippery in spots. I went to Walmart and picked up some Valentine's cards, some candy for my office, a fondue set for Pete and I and a gift card for a friend. Then I went and got 4 gift cards from Starbucks to send in the Valentine's cards.

4 people will be getting a little Valentine RAK from me! Happy Valentine's Day!

Then I paid for the person behind me in line at Starbucks as a RAK. It just felt good to do that today.

I can't decide whether to use the little fondue pot on Valentine's Day or take it with us this weekend to use on our little get away. Hmmm...decisions decisions.

I can't wait to get away tomorrow & Sunday. I know that it's only basically 24 hours and that we're only going 1.5 hours south of here. But it's somewhere different. I think I got so very used to the day trips that we were taking all summer and I miss them. I miss just jumping into the car, not really knowing where we're going and ending up someplace wonderful and having new experiences. I think I had more fun on those days then on the days that we had all planned out. There is something about just going where the wind takes you and working to find something fun to do/new to experience. It's freeing (is that a word?) and exciting.

Headache Hangover

Ever had one? I had a killed headache yesterday. Actually it started Tuesday night and came on like a Mack Truck headed down I94. Made me sick to my stomache and I spent time on my knees trying to hang my head down to releave some of the pressure. Ah the joys of TMJ and sinus problems.

Today I have what almost feels like a hangover. I'm a little disoriented, sleepy, kind of out of it and really want to sleep. If only I had more FTO banked up I'd do that. It's also making me perpetually behind at work, which sucks.

I think we're going to go down to New Ulm this weekend. Stock up on German food from the import store and stay in the local hotel. It will be nice to have some time with just Pete and I on a weekend. I'm looking forward to the pool, the spa and time away from our normal life.

To Pete

Sunday Pete and I were wrestling around and I broke a blood vessel in my right had in the pad of my thumb.

Dear Pete,

I love that you went outside and got a bag of icy snow for me to use on my hand. I know you felt badly about it because we were wrestling when it happened, but it really is ok. I love that we play around and have tha time together.

I love that you folded my clothes for me and matched up socks. It was sweet and lovely.

Love Michelle

PS: I had a good giggle when I went to get socks and they were all mismatched.

The Bucket List

What do you want to do before you die? What things make you happy? What do you want people to remember about you?

We went to see the movie The Bucket List over the weekend. It made me think. It made me think about what is really important in life. It made me think that I am selfish to continue to not talk to my parents when Pete has only one parent left who is is dying. It made me realize that there are things that I regret not doing, but that I still have time to do them.

Pete and I started a list in my cell phone about the things that I had never done or that he wanted to show me. They were things like go to a biker bar, the Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner, see the falls, Famous Daves for jazz music, bike around the lakes... Things that we could do together. When we had a free day we'd look in my phone and see what things we should be doing. We had a bucket list without even knowing it.

The only thing is that I deleted the things that we did. I wish I would have kept them. So now I started the list on here and hope to strike off the things that I've done. I hope to add to the list and finish the majority of it.

So I ask you, what is on your bucket list?

Ahhhh Friday

It seems like the week went on for years. Although I'm not sure why. I spent Monday afternoon and evening in pain from my stomach. I spent Tuesday in bed in a little less pain, but pain none the less. The rest of the week has been normal.

Wednesday we went rollerblading at the Metrodome. They let you roll around the concourse, both the main level and the upper level for several hours. In November and December we were going several times a week and I improved each time we went. However, the last time I went was shortly after the new year. Pete was sick & we only stayed about 30 minutes, not long enough to do much skating for me.

My goal is to be able to continue to go around without sitting. Yes, I do about 3 laps (a mile and a quarter) and I have to sit down. I think part of it is the lack of muscles in my legs and part of it is just that I'm not super comfortable. I've been lifting weights and running at the gym so my muscles are building, but skating takes a lot of muscle. Anyway, that's my goal.

Tonight we're cooking in. It's been a while since I cooked and I'm excited! Then I think that we're going to a movie or something. All in all, I'm hoping for a nice weekend.