My Birthversary

I just passed the 14th anniversary of my 29th birthday. Otherwise known as 'I'm old-er' as of Saturday. 

I think back, not to the birthdays of my youth, but to my recent birthdays. The birthdays of my youth are filled with the innocence of believing that birthdays are all about getting older. Believing that the best is yet to come and not where you are right then. Youthful birthdays are all about counting the numbers off. 

Three years ago (2011) I was smack dab in the midst of trying to lose weight on my own. I was supporting Pete in his gastric band process. I was having some success, some failure, but felt optimistic that I could be a better, healthier version of me. I remember feeling some irritation at Pete from how hard he was working and how much success he was having. Jealousy perhaps. Not that I wasn't happy for him, but I wanted the level of success also.  I remember shopping with him for his post surgery meals, trying to find everything on his list. In the same shopping trip I shopped for myself, excited to have some meals that were my favorites, that he wouldn't and at that time, couldn't. How lame. 

2 years ago (2012) I was recovering from my own surgery. I was the one shopping for post surgery meals, sore from the surgery and trying to learn a new way of eating. I remember how freaking determined I was!  Hope hopeful I was. I was committed to this healthiness journey. Pete supported me, much in the same was I did him. 

Last year (2013) I felt awesome. I was well under 200 pounds and more importantly I felt so incredible. I fit into sizes that I hadn't since collie and high school.  I loved going to they gym and had goals that were exercised based. I had muscles that showed and cheekbones and collarbones. I ate 80% healthy and craved healthy food. I remember the joy I felt at running 8 miles the first time, going up in weight at Body Pump class and sitting in my car afterwards with a smile that wouldn't quit. I remember the mental clarity, the emotional evenness and the energy I had each day after starting it at the gym. I was happy, hopefull and in a groove. 

This year?  I'm different. A life altering decision resulted in a life altering surgery. I've gained 30 pounds and I'm heavier than my pre gastric band surgery. I crave sweets after every meal and my portions are way off track. The gym is a twinkle that's dimmed by my hitting the snooze button. I'm not happy physically or emotionally. My motivation is gone. 

In the last couple of days I've seen some things on Instagram about days of self love or happiness. And I'm jumping in...with a twist. 

21 Days To A Healthy Habit. It takes 21 days/3weeks to make practicing something a habit. 21 short days. 3 weeks. An hour or so a day.  My first healthy habit is just getting to the gym. I  need this habit again. It's both helpful physically, emotionally and mentally. I need this. 

The Plan (version 2, or 200)

So I've posted a few times previously about a plan or action plan.  I have a new version.  A restart.

What I know:

• I currently weigh 224 pounds
• I'm not currently going to the gym
• Running is still awkward given my new body shape and anything less than running on that treadmill is frustrating.
• I'm afraid to go back to Body Pump because of the loss of muscle and change in my body.
• I'm eating more disordered meals and snacks.
• I'm having issues with insomnia again which cause an inability to get up early for the gym.
• I work from home most the time and wear stretchy clothes because none of my other clothes fit.

I've been trying to address some of these things with the following rules hanging in various places in my house:

• No electronics after 9:30pm
• Take vitamins and minerals daily.
• 100 ounces of water daily.
• No carbonated drinks.
• 3 clean meals and 2 planned snacks
• Gym, 3 days a week.

I've been great about carbonated drinks.  I had returned to some soda drinking at the time I had surgery and afterwards.  When I asked Pete to buy a 12 pack and he came home with a 24 pack that was gone in a week, I knew that I needed to stop.  I'm 3 weeks in.

My vitamins are on and off.  I need to place them on my work desk so that they stare me in the face every morning and I take them more frequently.

Water.  *sigh*  Some days I can't get enough and some days I struggle.  So I returned to some water additives to help.  Pete is into juicing and sometimes I add some of the cucmber or fruit juices that he makes.  Others, it's a natural ingredient crystal light with cane sugar/stevia or True Lime's BlackCherry Limeade.

Meals/Snacks are a struggle I'm fully willing to admit.  Pete is down to about 160-165 and has stayed there for about 7-8 months.  He works out enough and his metabolism is so high that he has been buying cookie dough, Oreos, ice cream, reeces PB cups and other crap.  He eats and eats and doesn't gain.  I will have a PB cup and a couple of cookies and it's all over for me.  I need to stop.  He is more than willing to not have the stuff in the house so that it's not tempting me, but I feel back and keep buying it for him.  But it comes back to my CHOICES.  I need to 'reset' my band and let the pouch above it shrink back down.  So starting Sunday I'm going to drink Pete's Body by VI shakes for breakfast & lunch and then eat a clean meal of chicken/veg or salmon/veg for dinner for a week.

The gym.  It's periods like now where it isn't my second home and I don't feel compfortable because I've gained weight that I struggle even going.  My favorite instructor keeps telling me it's ok and I'll find my way back.  It's people like her that make me love my local Y.  Because I'm awkward running and scared of injuring myself in Body Pump, I've decided to branch out.  I'v scheduled myself classes 3 days a week; Mondays is Water Execrise in the pool, Wednesdays is Standing Flow Stretching and Movement and Fridays I'll try Body Pump with a bar only, no weight.

That's the new plan.

I Hate The Elliptical

I hate the elliptical.  The round and round motion throws me off balance and sometimes I suddenly stop and yet the foot pad shoots up and throws me off to the side.  Maybe it's just that I'm uncoordinated?

Running.  I'd much rather run. 

I can see my body sunning in my head and if I close my eyes I can feel the treadmill under me, running smoothly with my feet hitting it.  I run fast and hard and far.  Then I slow down and job, looking around.  I push myself and run hard again and see myself crossing a finish line to victory.

I want to run again.  I want to feel my legs tired from exerting.  I want to feel the strength in my legs carry me over miles and miles.  I want to sweat and get red faced and all the other things that I complained about. 

Instead, I walk.  Walk quickly for 30-40 minutes and get on that elliptical for 10 minutes.  But everyone starts somewhere, right?

208.6; Moving In the Right Direction?

The number is back.  That number before all of my blog entries.  Maybe part of my issue is that I put weight on without really noticing.  You see, I couldn't wear anything other than stretchy pants after surgery because of surgical scars, so no jeans or khaki pants.  And I stopped weighing myself with any frequency.  Initially it was depressing because I was so swollen from surgery so I stopped.  But I never picked it up again.  Thus the big crying fit when nothing I wear to work fits.

Weighing myself every day is a key to relearning my body - when it goes up and down and why.  I don't want to be trapped by the scale; live and die by the scale.  That said, I think it a a tool that I need right now to head back in the right direction.

So do I really think that I lost 5 pounds since Saturday?  Maybe.  I was drinking lots of carbonated soda, eating lots of sugar and not drinking as much water as I should.  I was also not moving a whole lot.  So the real answer is maybe. The thing is, I forgot how motivating even a little bit of loss is.  Even the 2 pounds over night to Sunday left me feeling motivated to keep going.  The continual losing is continual motivation.  And seeing that I can stay around 1500 calories and feel satisfied is also motivating. 

I'm in a job rotation where I need to be in the office all day, most days, for 3 weeks.  I'm using it as a jump start.  I move lots more when I'm doing that part of the job - up and down from my desk all day, talking, and walking through the building.  I drink lots of water at work (like 75 ounces a day) because it's dry both summer and winter.  And because I'm so busy there is no random snacking, continual snacking or anything like it.  This 3 weeks should jump start any eating right and water goals that I have.

As for exercise.  Well, Pete and I walked the Mall of America for a couple of hours on Sunday and then walked Ikea for an hour.  By the car ride home I was falling asleep.  My stamina to just do daily life is greatly diminished.  I'm really trying to build that up so that I can get up before work and walk at the gym and get back to Body Pump and running.  This 3 weeks will force me to just get up every day and do daily life.  I think I need that to get over this hump of inability to just do life and get back to where I'm working out daily again.

Do I feel better than Saturday night?  Absolutely.  Do my work pants fit me with the loss.  Nope.  Do I still hate the crap out of my "new" work pants?  YES.  But I'm going in the right direction.

190; Non Scale Victories

I'm back to posting that number in the title of my posts.  It's a good reminder of where I am.

Non scale victories.  They're important.  When I started losing weight, it was all about the numbers.  And by numbers, I mean the scale number.  After you've started losing weight and seeing results, it's all in that number on the scale.  But the longer you go the harder it is to get that scale to move.  That's when the non scale victories come into play.

A few that made me smile: 

• Running my first mile without stopping.
• Getting into regular sizes at the store.
• Drinking 125 ounces of water a day and not craving soda any longer.
• Having my towel fit all the way around my body.
• Being able to put my foot up on the dashboard in the car to tie my shoes and breathing at the same time.
• Choosing fruit over the dessert and stopping at one helping instead of going back for more.
• Seeing my weights in Body Pump double from when I started.

If you Google Non Scale Victories you'll see lots of blogs and articles about this.  It's important to realize that the scale isn't always where it's at.  For quite a while I wasn't losing any weight.  Yet I was exercising, watching what I ate and lifting weights.  It was clear that I had more muscle than when I started and I was proud of that, but the scale kept disappointing me.  Then Pete pointed out that I was likely losing fat and gaining muscle.  So even though the scale wasn't giving me changes, my body was really changing.

The thing that struck me in the last 24 hours was the NSV about the towel and the gym this morning.

For years, I've had the same towels.  And I'd have to wrap them around me so that the opening was at the side of my thigh and didn't show any private parts.  When I could stop and realize that I no longer had to be careful how I wrapped that towel because it more than covered me, I realized just how much I lost.  This morning, after not being at the gym steady for 2 months, I got on that treadmill.  50 minutes and 3.5 miles and 550 calories.  My body remembers the actions of running and how to do it so it wasn't a struggle to do it.  The muscle memory that I have is pretty cool!

So when you're thinking that you're not getting anywhere in the battle to get healthy, stop and examine other areas and ask yourself what NSVs have you reached?

I Did IT!

{191; 30 minutes on the treadmill!}

1.  I got my ass out of bed and ran today.  30 minutes on the treadmill.
2.  I am DEAD tired.  The kind of tired where I sat and stared at my garage door and why it wasn't closing when I realized that I was pressing the mute button on my radio, not the garage door opener button.
3.  I'm still watching the Jodi Arias Circus.  I hope someone like Ann Rule writes a book about her.  I'd love to read her story from someone else's perspective.
4.  Coffee.  It's awesome.
5.  Work. Uh, yeah.  Thankfully tomorrow is my Friday. 

Determination; I think I found it

{191, 0 exercise today}

Firstly, I attended a support group yesterday.  4 women plus 2 peer educators.  And although I'm so not a support group type of person, I enjoyed it.  I initially texted Pete and I was going to slip out, but ended up being there for 3 hours and didn't realize it.

Every one of us was in a different place, yet I felt like I could identify with each of them in some small piece of their journey.  One of them talked about feeling like she was crazy for making the choice to have surgery with no cancer (me too!).  One of them talked about having a strong family history (me too!).  One of them talked about not knowing what to do for reconstruction (me too!).  One of them talked about not being positive for the gene but having family history (me too!).  It was very encouraging and I'll keep going as they meet every 90 days.

I also realized how lucky I am to have the husband that I do.  One of the women talked about not having reconstruction at all.  She talked about having a beautiful tattoo done, much like this one.  When she started showing the photos to her fiance, he was shocked.  He was almost appalled that she wouldn't have breasts.  It's caused some issues for them.  Pete is the guy who says he supports me with any decision I make.  He watched his Mom die after not being aggressive and reminds me that nothing matters other than having me with him for a long time.  He's a keeper.

I met with the second plastic surgeon today.  And he reaffirmed what I believe that I should do as far as reconstruction.  I have a semi plan.

One thing that I discussed with all the surgeons was that I didn't want this life of healthiness to go away post surgery.  I wanted to resume my normal activities, including the gym as soon as I could.  He commented that I would fair better than most because of the exercising and the stronger core.  And I believe that I blushed.  I haven't been to the gym in 2 months.  But that has to change.  If I want the best outcome I need to spend the next 4-6 weeks preparing in every way possible, including the gym. 

So I made a pact with Pete.  He's going to support me by waking me up, even if I haven't slept very well.  I'll go to the gym, do my best and hopefully after a rough week of tiredness, I'll get back in that rhythm.  I'll be back in fighting mode.  I'll be me again.

It Hurts So Good

{191; 0 exercise today)

This weekend I nested.  I've been reading more and more about post surgery and the things that you can and can't do.  The more I do that, the more I see around the house that needs to be done so that I can truly relax and recuperate.

So I deep cleaned the whole 2nd floor.  It's less impressive if I tell you that my townhouse is only about 1100 sf.  So the 2nd floor is about 550 sf.  It has 2 bedrooms, a bathroom and a laundry closet.  I cleaned the closets and organized them.  I stripped the beds and washed all bedding.  I flipped the extra bed mattress and Pete and & took apart our Sleep Number and repositioned it and refilled it.  I dusted all the stuff in our room and cleaned off the desk in the extra room.  I vacuumed everything that was standing still, including the ceiling fans and dryer vents.  I scrubbed the shower and the bathroom floor that the toilet.  I also scrubbed and cleaned the bathroom on the main floor, postage stamp size that it is.

I also went grocery shopping and rand errands on Saturday.  Did some prep for food for the week. 

It was busy.  And by last night I could feel that soreness that comes with working out muscles that have sat for too long.  It occurred to me in the shower this morning that I miss that soreness.  I desperately want to get back to working out.  But again last night I didn't fall asleep until about 4am.  There is no good workout on 1 hour of sleep.  So I again slept in for 3 hours and headed to work.  I need to suck it up instead of just talking about it.

Tonight I'm headed to a support group hosted by FORCE.  I'm hoping to find some women who took some of the same steps that I did.  Someone who can make me feel like I'm not crazy for thinking about this surgery.  And I'm hoping I can talk to someone who had surgery with the doctors I'm meeting with or point me in the direction of another surgeon.  Support groups really aren't my thing, but I want to try it out.

190.6; Weigh In Wednesday

 

 

190.6.  I have to admit though, the first time I stepped on t he scale this morning it said more.  But I waited a minute or two and then stepped on it again.  190.6.  Will I ever get into the 180s and stay there?

 

After my scale I got dressed and hauled myself to the gym.  3.1 miles in 41 minutes.  I can mostly jog 2 miles and then I did sprints for the third mile.  I have to really think about whether my goal is to get a certain mileage or burn a certain number of calories.  It used to be that I wouldn't leave the gym until I had at least 600 calories burned.  It was all about the calories and getting the burn and seeing those numbers go up up up.

 

Today I thought about running races and if my goal is truly to do that this summer (and it is), then I need to start thinking more about the running process, not the calories.  I've been thinking lately that I need to branch out and try a spin class (God help me and my girly parts).  In order to fit it in with Body Pump and running it would have to be on Wednesdays.  And the only cycle time on Wednesday is at 5:30pm.  I'm so not an evening worker-outer.  I seem to have issues with my suv taking me home after work rather than to the gym.  But I need some different leg cardio other than the treadmill and elliptical.

 

I'm also honestly struggling with food right now and I know that is why I'm not losing.  I fell into bad habits over the Christmas season and seem to have an inability to get out of the habit of chocolate every day and sweets.  Prior to that I didn't eat them (for the most part) and didn't crave them.  The sugar addiction, it's a strong one.  I need to rely more on the fruits and veggies and lean protein that I know works for me.  It's also a struggle to avoid dairy/calcium while I'm on antibiotics for a month.  Dairy is such a part of my diet for protein and workout recovery.  Avoiding it seems like a punishment.  Maybe I should have had the doctor tell me that I needed to avoid sweets to make the medicine work too?????

 

Anyway, 190.  I'll certainly take it because I've earned it. But I'm not giving up on these last 15 pounds that I want need to lose. 

 



; Mile A Day

So I have this friend from afar.  I've met her and everything, I'm not a stalker.  Honestly. 

Anyway, I've noticed that for the month of January she's done a mile a day.  She's posted often on Instagr.am (why do you think they put the period there?  Why a period at all?)  Some days are good and you can tell from her capti.on (just trying the period thing myself there...).  While others are clearly a struggle. 

I've also watched a couple of times as Ann from Twelve In Twelve has done a mile a day for a period of time.

So yesterday/Thursday/the 31st/last day of the month...I got a wild hair/hare up my, um...booty.  (I'm guessing the phrase is hair because hare would hurt.)  (On second thought, maybe it is hare because they're bouncy and fast and go...hmmmm) I decided that I want to run a mile a day.  (nothing like waiting to the last minute)

What I realized is that this would give me motivation daily.  It would get me to the gym.  It would be a small goal each day towards a bigger goal.  It would get me back on track with getting to the gym.  Plus other things that I can't think of right now.

Oh fine, I realize I'm cheating.  It's the month with only 28 days.  Yes, yes, yes.  I know.  But it's a start.  It's a goal.  It's fitness. 

But I need to add some rewards.  So naturally I texted Pete and asked him what my rewards should be.  Something small each day.  You don't want to know his inappropriate answer.  I'm guessing that his second choice would have been motorcycle parts and possibly even for my bike instead of his.  But it's hard to think of 28 small, non food related rewards. 

So here's to Mile A Day.

PS...I'm still thinking about what my reward should be...

188; My Quick Update....

1.  I'm on round 2 of antibiotics for my sinus infection.  Do you know what happens to women who play with the balance of good/bad bacteria too much?  Yes, secondary infection in a not so comfortable area.  *sigh*  And because I can't have dairy around the times that I take the antibiotic, I've been chugging yogurt for lunch every day....all to no avail.  *sigh*

2.  My weight went is hovering at 187-188.  I'd really like it to go down.  Thank you in advance...

3.  I haven't been able to gym for a week.  (see #1 and #2).  I'm anxious to get back.

4.  I burned my right hand on boiling water yesterday trying to bake bread.  Boiling water hurts.  Pete says I am a burn magnet.  It's likely true.

5.  We spent $800 on a new water softener yesterday.  For that price the water should do a lot more than clean things.  It should be gold water or something.

6.  Pete is in a phase of trying to re lose about 10 pounds.  He's struggling to figure out how to do it when it's hard and a puzzle of things versus when he was initially losing and an easy equation. 

7.  It's freaking cold.  As in -16 when when I left for work this morning with a possible high of -1.

8.  I'm excited to have dinner tonight.  I made Sunday Sauce that closely tastes like the sauce my Grandma used to make when I was a kid.  I'm chasing kid memories with food.  But I don't feel guilty because I can do it in moderation.

9.  I'm waiting for my newest Kiki la'Rue order.  A couple of tops, scarf and a bracelet. 

10.  I'd love to be able to hear out of both ears at once and hear well.  (see #1)

1912: The Space In Between

I'm a bit frazzled.  The time between Christmas and New Years is always weird for me.  I feel as though Christmas is all run run run.  Then normal days after.  Then frantic decisions on what to do for New Years.  Then it's all winter depressing setting in.

I don't know what I can do to change this.  I try to keep a schedule, but honestly, it's hard to do.  Reality is that I haven't been to the gym in a couple of weeks.  Reality is that I miss it.  Gosh, who'd had thought that?  I can't wait to get back to it this weekend.

But the bottom line is that while my weight has fluctuated between a 1-2 pounds in the last month, it's not shot up or a significant gain.  And that I am most proud of.  Very proud.  So I'm going to be the traditional "new year, new fitness goals" person and head back to the gym in full force this weekend.

195.2; I Can See Me

Sunday morning I got up about 6:30 and started my day.  I couldn't sleep any longer and Pete had a migraine.  Staying in bed was frustrating for me and hurting him.  I got my gym clothes on.  New ones at that.  A size smaller in sports bras (medium) and shirts (medium) AND pants (large).  I strapped on the heart rate monitor and headed downstairs.

There, I packed up my Trader Joe's reusable grocery bags.  I love the large wide bags that they have for groceries.  They work well at Costco too.  I grabbed my water bottle and headed out.  The gym wasn't anything special.  In fact, I was irritated because mid-run a trainer came up and started talking to me.  I couldn't do intervals while talking and I ended up walking for a mile in the middle of my run.  I still got 5 miles in, but it was a choppy, hard run.

Afterwards I took this photo in my suv.

Post run glow complete with Harley hat!

I stopped and stared at me.  I'm not a cute-post-run-girl.  I exercise ugly, complete with sweat, bright red face, no make up and matted hair.  But this?  It was like looking into myself.  I don't know how else to explain it.  Without the make up and hair, I look like me when I was a kid.  And it made me cry.  An ugly, hiccup cry.  For years I was hiding me under all that extra weight.  It was my protector, my excuse, but I was hiding me.  I am sad for that woman who lost all that time hiding when she should have been flying on a high of life. 

But you know what?  I have freed her.  She flies today.  Maybe not as high as she wants to yet, but she flies.  I foresee lots of flying in her future.  More happiness, less sadness.  More exploring the world and less watching it go by.  More true joy.  JOY.

This morning I took out my baby photo.  I wanted to see if I was really seeing me as a kid or was it my imagination.  Can you see it?

Me at about 2.  Ignore the fact that my Mom wrapped the photo in plastic wrap to preserve it. 

 Or is it just me?

198; Baking vs Shoes

I've been slacking.  Oh, sure I had my excuses.  I worked out at the gym 2 1/2 weeks ago and realized afterwards that I needed new shoes desperately.  I knew this because my foot hurt so badly for 2 days that I could hardly walk.  I couldn't do cardio and despise the bike and can't do Body Pump.  So I didn't go. 

I went that weekend and got shoes.  I know that I've said this before, but shoe shopping for me is hard.  I want all the cute pink and green and orange shoes, but they do not want my feet.  So I end up with the sturdy shoes that are ugly and big.  Usually the top of the line in New Balance.  But this time I decided to try Brooks again.  They've worked in the past and I wanted to try something different.  So they came out in all their AQUA glory and my mind sang!  I tried them on and they fit.  I wondered to the sales girl if I needed the wide, because I usually get the wide and she said she thought I didn't need it in this brand.  Angels sang and I went home with cute shoes!

Guess what?  After running two days in a row my feet hurt again.  Damn pretty shoes and their allure.  The thing is that the store closes at 6pm and I can't physically get there after work in traffic to exchange them.  So it had to wait until Sunday.

In those two weeks I've been baking up a storm.  Pumpkin scones, pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting....  Oh yes, fall baking.  And will fall baking comes fall eating.  So I indulged.  Because I'm good an indulging only a little and maintaining weight.  But here's the thing, Pete's not a fan of that baking.  So guess who are 3/4 of a recipe of scones?  And 2/3 of a recipe of pumpkin cupcakes?  Me.

Sunday night I planned to workout every day this week.  But Sunday night I didn't have insomnia meds and was up every 15 minutes, unable to stay asleep.  So I didn't work out on Monday.  Tuesday I got up and my eye had been giving me so many troubles I went into see the doctor.  (see what I did there?  Excuses).  This morning I got up to let the dog out at 4:40 when my alarm went off and weighed myself.  198.  I was down to 195 at one point and I'd squandered that loss away. 

So I took my new shoes and headed to the gym.  I ran for distance, not intervals and ended up with 3.7 miles in 50 minutes.  THEN, I headed into Body Pump for the first 45 minutes before I had to head home and get ready for work.  1200 calories burned in 1 hour and 35 minutes. 

I felt awesome.  AWESOME.  I haven't needed coffee to stay awake all day (but talk to me at 9:30 when I'm nodding off during the news).  I'm not hungry all day and haven't been eating cupcakes or candy.  And have I mentioned that I feel awesome?  It's my wake up call and reminder that working out is good for me and I need to limit my excuses to real ones.  I also need to limit my baking and indulging.

And in other news...
4 years ago today I was doing this:

Happy Anniversary to my love!

And to show how much we've changed, this is us now:

203.0; I Pushed Through

Satuday and Sunday I ran 4 miles each.  I did a lot of stretching in the middle of running.  I had Pete roll out my legs before and after I went to the gym.  But ultimately what it took is me pushing through it all to get to where I want to be.

Monday morning I went and did the Body Pump class.

All I can say is that 2 weeks off of most exercise does make your body forget the motions.  Forget the stretching, pulling, twisting.  In other words, my legs are so sore that I look like I'm about 142 years old.  But the bottom line is that I pushed through and got my workout mojo back.

Which brings me to this:  I think that there I am not going to ever be the type of person who works out 6 days a week, hard core, all the time.  What I mean to say is that I will always work out because I love the results and I think it's part of being a healthy person.  However, I think that there will be times when I'm so very committed to it and times when I need a 1-2 week break from the gym.  I need time to let my body and mind rest.

I wonder if Pete and I are the only people that seem to do this?  I read so many workout and healthiness blogs where the writers are hard core in the gym and eating correctly 95% of the time.  Do you do this?  If so I'd love to get in your brain and figure out how you constantly do it. 

206.6; Friday Fives

1.  Please, if you're the paying type or the vibing type, please do me a favor.  My Godfather/Uncle had surgery on Wednesday for mesothelioma.  He had a lung and chest wall removed.  Yesterday wasn't a good day.  His vocal chords are paralyzed and he was draining more fluid from the surgial site than he should be and they couldn't figure out why.  So he is in surgery again as I type this and they are trying to figure this out.  Add to all this that he is in Boston for this surgery, far away from all his family and friends here in Minnesota.  My cousin and his brother are out there now, with more poeple scheduled in and out in the next 6+ weeks until he can fly home. 

Can you take a moment and say a prayer or send him good healing thoughts?  Please?

2.  I've been to the gym twice this week.  I'm trying to get my groove back.

3.  Do you know that they don't sell Ace Banadages any longer?  I have to wrap my calf and when I went for an ace bandage I learned that all they sell is this stretchy sticky bandage thing.  Makes me feel pretty old!

4.  I'm headed back to the Farmer's Market tomorrow morning.  Just me this time.  I think I'll be using these Saturday trips as my quiet time.

5.  Pete and I rode all day Wednesday.  Sometimes there is nothing else to soothe a wounded soul thatn with the wind sliding over your face, the sun on your shoulders, the roar of the engine as you accellerate, the random music coming from your speakers and seeing the open road in front of you.  I hope everyone has something like this to soothe their soul.

207: I Don't Glisten

When I was in high school I read trashy romance novels.  Actually I read whatever I could get my hands on, but the romance novels seemed to be more frequent.  As a side note, now that I'm happily married, I can't seem to get into romance novels - maybe because I have my own romance? 

Anyway, back to the novels.  Every one of them would talk about how the woman glistened instead of sweated.  Glisten.  It sounds so romantic and cute and pretty.  Well, I don't glisten.  I can't believe I'm going to do this, but here goes...this is what I look like after 4.5 miles in 60 minutes at 5am:

I am a hot mess.  I certainly don't look like I glisten, do I?  Nope.  I plain old sweat up a storm.  I sweat first in my head so it's always bad. It was worse before I started wearing the headbands to keep my hair back and sop up some of that sweat.  I always wonder if the people at the gym who know me by name would recognize me outside of the gym when I'm not a hot mess?  Sometimes I want to go in, dressed like normal, and see if they call me by name.

Are you a hot mess when you exercise?  Or do you glisten?

208.0: Busy Week Requires Planning

I have a recap of the weekend all set for tomorrow.  In the mean time, I did some thinking about why I wasn't motivated to the gym the last 2 weeks.  I believe that part of it was frustration over a lack of weight change.  I had what Pete calls body shaping, in that I was losing inches and it was good.  But my weight wasn't changing.  I got burned out in my lack of progress.  Then I had a fill and for 2 days afterwards at soup and jello and lost 4 pounds. 

Bottom line, I got lazy.  I thought the fill would solve it all and I could back off on exercising and watching my food.  In reality I had doughnuts for break fast 3 times last week.  In reality I wasn't at the gym ONCE last week.  I'm going to start calling this my Superman complex.  Superman in that I have a couple of items converge and it makes me think that I am unstoppable.  In reality, I'm far from it. 

And the more I thought about this, the more I realized that the Superman Complex isn't a bad thing.  It makes me take a step back, refocus and reevaluate where I'm at/where I want to be.  It's a teaching moment for myself.  It makes me remember why I started all this and where I want to be at some point.  So just when I think that it's all easy, I need a reminder that it's not easy and I need to fight.  So I got my lazy behind up at 4:40 this morning and walked/jogged/ran 4 miles at the gym this morning.

This week is a busy one.  Today Pete's friend Vic is coming from Texas to stay with us for the next 10 days.  He hasn't been to MN in a long time and he's anxious to see his new Grandbaby.  Pete's anxious to have a good friend who he can ride with and hang out with.  Next weekend is Memorial Weekend and we agreed to have my almost 10 year old niece and 6 year old nephew for the weekend to go camping.  And in all this I need to work, work out and spend some time with my hubby and his friend.  So I need a plan.  A good plan.

I know it's hard to see.  But I scheduled in my gym times and what the plan for dinner was.  I have fruit and yogurt already here at work for the week's breakfasts and snacks.  I also have soups for lunch. 

207.2; Do I Really Need to Workout?

I went to the gym Monday and Saturday of this last week for Body Pump and that's it.  When I woke up Saturday morning I was down to 206.2.

206.2.  My lowest in years and years.

So I really do wonder if I'm working out too much?  Can I train for a 10K in September, continue my Body Pump to help build muscle and still lose weight?  I won't give up the weight training because I need to build the muscles that have sat still for so long.  I need them to build up to help me be more productive when I do cardio.  I won't lose the cardio portion of exercising because that's how I lose weight.  But I do need to push myself more to get a better burn when I do cardio.  And I really think that running a race in September would be very good for me.

I Googled it and this is the search that I found:  Training Breaks

The many articles about body building, running, skating...they all talk about taking breaks from training.  Mostly they talk about how your body needs to actively recover from so much working out.  I loved reading the perspective and information in this article.  She talks about how she loses the big picture goal because she is so caught up in the weekly training.  I think that I do this a lot and it's partly why I think signing up and training for a race would be a good thing. 

I'm going to tap my resource of my previous trainers tonight at the gym and ask about all of this.  Ask for some referrals for books or programs that will help me set goals that work for both losing the weight, regular exercise and training for a race.  I hope that there is some way to work it all out.

208.8: No Gym For Me

My Admission:  I haven't been to the gym since Monday night's Body Pump.  I don't plan on going back until tomorrow's Body Pump class.

I'm wondering if I'm working out too hard?  I've been researching this and found this Livestrong article. 

You exercise frequently, thinking it will help you lose weight, but in fact, exercising too much may keep you from dropping pounds.

I'm wondering if  my almost daily trips to the gym are counterproductive to trying to lose the weight.  Even though I'm doing a pretty good job of mixing it up with running, ARC machine and strength classes, am I doing too much?

I think this Shape article has some good points.

Think you just lost a few pounds from that serious spin class? Don't get too excited—it's just water loss due to sweat. And the amount of water in your system has a heavy influence on the number you see on the scale.

I think my  water consumption of 125 ounces on days that I work out is adding to the weight I see on the scale every day.  When I don't work out I'm getting the 64 ounces in and as you can see in my title today, my weight is down about 3 pounds. 

 Intense workouts cause variability on the scale due to factors like hydration status, inflammation from muscle damage repair (we call this delayed onset muscle soreness), even the amount of intestinal by-product or urine and blood volume, Dolgan says.

I work out intensely each time.  Remember how I said that I never felt successfully unless I burned 1000 or more calories?  I'm pushing myself in each workout to burn the most calories I can in the time that I'm there. 

So what do I do about all this?  I'm not quite sure.  I think the last 3 days of not working out have given my body a good amount of rest.  I love Body Pump and I'm not going to quit doing that twice a week.  But maybe I need to vary up my workouts even more?  Maybe 1 longer run of 4-6 miles a week, a day of walking (and reading my Nook on the treadmill to make me stick to walking) along with a day of the bike and a day of the ARC trainer?  Maybe try swimming again? 

What I don't want is the burned out feeling of "I HAVE to do this but I DON'T want to do this" coming back.  This is where I always get stuck and sort of turn my back on trying to lose.  I need to bridge the gap that this creates in my workouts and get over to the other side to keep going.