Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Determination; I think I found it

{191, 0 exercise today}

Firstly, I attended a support group yesterday.  4 women plus 2 peer educators.  And although I'm so not a support group type of person, I enjoyed it.  I initially texted Pete and I was going to slip out, but ended up being there for 3 hours and didn't realize it.

Every one of us was in a different place, yet I felt like I could identify with each of them in some small piece of their journey.  One of them talked about feeling like she was crazy for making the choice to have surgery with no cancer (me too!).  One of them talked about having a strong family history (me too!).  One of them talked about not knowing what to do for reconstruction (me too!).  One of them talked about not being positive for the gene but having family history (me too!).  It was very encouraging and I'll keep going as they meet every 90 days.

I also realized how lucky I am to have the husband that I do.  One of the women talked about not having reconstruction at all.  She talked about having a beautiful tattoo done, much like this one.  When she started showing the photos to her fiance, he was shocked.  He was almost appalled that she wouldn't have breasts.  It's caused some issues for them.  Pete is the guy who says he supports me with any decision I make.  He watched his Mom die after not being aggressive and reminds me that nothing matters other than having me with him for a long time.  He's a keeper.

I met with the second plastic surgeon today.  And he reaffirmed what I believe that I should do as far as reconstruction.  I have a semi plan.

One thing that I discussed with all the surgeons was that I didn't want this life of healthiness to go away post surgery.  I wanted to resume my normal activities, including the gym as soon as I could.  He commented that I would fair better than most because of the exercising and the stronger core.  And I believe that I blushed.  I haven't been to the gym in 2 months.  But that has to change.  If I want the best outcome I need to spend the next 4-6 weeks preparing in every way possible, including the gym. 

So I made a pact with Pete.  He's going to support me by waking me up, even if I haven't slept very well.  I'll go to the gym, do my best and hopefully after a rough week of tiredness, I'll get back in that rhythm.  I'll be back in fighting mode.  I'll be me again.

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