I think back, not to the birthdays of my youth, but to my recent birthdays. The birthdays of my youth are filled with the innocence of believing that birthdays are all about getting older. Believing that the best is yet to come and not where you are right then. Youthful birthdays are all about counting the numbers off.
Three years ago (2011) I was smack dab in the midst of trying to lose weight on my own. I was supporting Pete in his gastric band process. I was having some success, some failure, but felt optimistic that I could be a better, healthier version of me. I remember feeling some irritation at Pete from how hard he was working and how much success he was having. Jealousy perhaps. Not that I wasn't happy for him, but I wanted the level of success also. I remember shopping with him for his post surgery meals, trying to find everything on his list. In the same shopping trip I shopped for myself, excited to have some meals that were my favorites, that he wouldn't and at that time, couldn't. How lame.
2 years ago (2012) I was recovering from my own surgery. I was the one shopping for post surgery meals, sore from the surgery and trying to learn a new way of eating. I remember how freaking determined I was! Hope hopeful I was. I was committed to this healthiness journey. Pete supported me, much in the same was I did him.
Last year (2013) I felt awesome. I was well under 200 pounds and more importantly I felt so incredible. I fit into sizes that I hadn't since collie and high school. I loved going to they gym and had goals that were exercised based. I had muscles that showed and cheekbones and collarbones. I ate 80% healthy and craved healthy food. I remember the joy I felt at running 8 miles the first time, going up in weight at Body Pump class and sitting in my car afterwards with a smile that wouldn't quit. I remember the mental clarity, the emotional evenness and the energy I had each day after starting it at the gym. I was happy, hopefull and in a groove.
This year? I'm different. A life altering decision resulted in a life altering surgery. I've gained 30 pounds and I'm heavier than my pre gastric band surgery. I crave sweets after every meal and my portions are way off track. The gym is a twinkle that's dimmed by my hitting the snooze button. I'm not happy physically or emotionally. My motivation is gone.
In the last couple of days I've seen some things on Instagram about days of self love or happiness. And I'm jumping in...with a twist.
21 Days To A Healthy Habit. It takes 21 days/3weeks to make practicing something a habit. 21 short days. 3 weeks. An hour or so a day. My first healthy habit is just getting to the gym. I need this habit again. It's both helpful physically, emotionally and mentally. I need this.