I did it

Sunday night I had a dream. Vivid and frustrating. In the dream Pete and I were at my sister's house. I had just reprimanded my niece for something and my Mom disagreed. She wanted me to apologize to my niece. I said no and my sister backed me up. However, my Mom actually grabbed my arm to force me to turn around and apologize.

I pulled my arm from her and told her that she had gone too far. That if she did not agree with me, to keep it to herself. In the exchange of words she made it clear that she could not do that. And we agreed to never talk again.

I was distressed and wanted to talk to my Dad to make sure that he understood what happened. But everytime I went to talk to him, someone pulled me away for some reason. I woke up before I got to talk to him.


All day Monday I thought about what that dream was telling me. How I could lose my relationship with my parents or lose my parents and regret it. So I went over what I wanted to say in my head all day on Tuesday. How I wanted to get my point across about how they hurt me. How I wanted them to be a part of the wedding, but needed to move on it if they couldn't. And I called.

My Mom answered. She sounded awful. It turns out that she has been having problems with her colon again. She hasn't been eating and has had to have another CT scan to see if she has an infection back in there again. It totally deflated my anger. While I think that was a good thing, it also didn't allow me to say my peace with her and be able to move on.

So I called. I did it. But I have no resolution and I wonder where do I go from here?