209.2; New Shoes Win

I'm still posting from my phone. I'm having computer issues at work where I usually use my lunch time to post. Hopefully for my sanity the issue will be fixed soon!

I have to give Run And Fun on Randolph in St Paul a big shout out. (They have no idea who I am or that I'm doing this). I went in there this weekend to exchange my shoes. They were so helpful. In talking with them about my shoes I asked for the women's version (think pretty colors) and they don't carry it. It can be ordered, but I'm not that hung up on the colors. Instead he gave me 30% off the shoes!

AWESOME!

So I have the same shoes, a healed knee and big plans for an awesome workout after work!

P.S. if you've lost weight in the 'off season' of swim suit buying, where did you shop for suits? I'm going to need a smaller suit about halfway through the summer, but don't know what size. A tankini with a skirt is what I'm thinking of.

210.8; Friday Fives

1. If you see me today and it appears my eyeliner was applied by a first grader, it wasn't. I went up in weights at my Body Pump class this morning. It's hard to apply make up with arms of jello.

2. I plan on going back for the right shoes this weekend. I ran for 15 minutes at the gym and need to have a longer run tomorrow.

3. I bought "The Homemade Pantry: 101 Foods You Can Stop Buying & Start Making" yesterday. (sorry I can't link, I'm on my phone!). It's not that homemade graham crackers have less calories, it's that I know all the ingredients and can tweak the calories once I know the method.

4. I'm a gonna go on another date with my hubby! Holding hands while strolling anywhere is sexy.

5. Think about this the next time you eat: chew your food 40 times/to applesauce consistency, put your utensils down while you chew, and don't drink while eating or for 30 minutes afterward. We're you fuller more quickly on less food? Did you stay fuller longer? Really try this in the next week so I can ask you about it next week!

EXTRA CREDIT: good luck to Ann from Twelve-in-twelve.blogspot.com and everyone else running the Get in Gear Race or any race for that matter! You CAN do it!!!!

210.8; The Tale of My First Fill

I do think my husband is getting tired of hearing "This shirt was so ticght on me last year."  I say it at aleast once a week, sometimes more.  The first time his response was excited, just like me.  The second time he looked at me and said "cool!"  The third time he looked up from his phone and said "I told you so."  After that I think he just nods.  I understand, I probably did the same thing with him.  I remember sitting through various "I need to try my whole closet on." sessions with him, so turnabout is fairplay, right?

So I had my first fill.  Ouch.  I don't mean to scare anyone considering this.  In the grand scheme of things, the pain is nothing.  But there is some pain. 

First we talked about how much I'm eating and did I think I needed a fill?  I'm eating about 2-3 cups per meal and snacking in between meals again.  I though I definitely needed a fill.  She asked about any heartburn, reflux or other issues and I had none of that.  The standard first fill for the Realize band is 3 ml of fluid and that's what we agreed upon.

First she had me puff out my abdomen like I was holding my breath, without actually holding my breath.  Apparently some people do hold their breath and end up passing out.  Then she feels around for my port.  In Pete's case they couldn't find it and spent about 1 hour with multiple professionals poking around looking for it.  Not typical at all.  In my case she initially thought it was above my incision line, but determined it was just a mass of inflamed tissue from the port/surgery.

When she found the port below the incision line she numbed the area up.  She uses a lidocaine solution that basically freezes the tissue for quick pain free time.  She's need Novocaine for a longer time period.  After it was numb she used a 3 inch needle and poked around the pork area until she found the right injection site.  Then she pushed the 3 ml in and out to make sure she was in the port, and she was.

Then she had me sit up and drink small sips of water.  It went down with no issues so I was done.  Several hours later and my port area is tender to the touch and a little black & blue by the injection site.  The part that hurt the worst is the lidocane stinging when it goes in and travels around the tissue.  I also realized at the store later on that it's not a good idea to nudge the cart ahead with your tummy after a fill.

I hope I described it OK?  If not, let me know and I'll answer any and all questions!

211.8; Shoe FAIL

Friday I headed over to Run and Fun in St. Paul.  I've hit up most of the running stores in the metro area.  The Running Room and even Marathon Sports don't seem to carry wide enough shoes for me.  They've both been very helpful in the past, especially Marathon Sports.  They've listened, watched and suggested styles.  Neither of them ever pressured me to buy shoes, knowing that they didn't have what I really needed.  That says a lot.

Run and Fun seems to carry more styles in wide and extra wide that suit my feet.  Add in the fact that I'm a pronator and you have the makings of $130 every 6 months.  So when I went in this time I explained that I have issues with the balls of my feet and that I pronate.  The salesman suggested a shoe with less stability.  I was surprised, but heard him out and in the end came home with these: 

Yay, $50 less than my other style!

Saturday morning I got up and headed to the gym, planning on a 6 mile run.  I was stretched out, feeling loose and good and started running.  About 2 miles in my knee started feeling sore.  I tried walking for a few minutes, but it didn'[t get better, only worse.  So I stopped the treadmill and headed to the elliptical/stairstepper machine.  Only after a few minutes my knee got worse still.  So I headed home.  The shoes weren't for me. 

Only it gets worse.  Sunday I struggled to get in 4 miles in an hour in my old shoes.  My knee hurt.  In the joint.  After researching, it appears that I have runners knee.  A common thing for runners.  While I smile a giddy smile to be considered a runner, I hate to admit it with this one.  The solution to this one?  Sitting out of running to let the knee cap heal and settle back in.  Dammit!

So the new shoes were a big fail!  But I'm not giving up the running.  I will rest it and get back to it next week. 

I go to the doctor for my first band fill today you guys.  I'll definitely have a report tomorrow about what happens.

211.2; migraine day

The doggy and I are spending the day in bed. Dark, cool room and migraine Meds. Hopefully back to posting tomorrow.

210.8; Friday Fives

1.  I plan on getting new workout/running shoes this weekend.  My shoes are 7-8 months old and I can tell it's time for new ones.  I need a stability shoe because of my pronation and something that pads the ball of my foot.  Usually it's a Brooks or New Balance style.

2.  I have a motorcycle club meeting this weekend.  I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm curious to see if people notice my weight loss and what they say.

3.  I've been to TWO 31 Gifts parties this week.  I've known about the company for a year, but all the sudden this spring I'm seeing it EVERYWHERE.  It didn't stop me from ordering though...

4.  I believe that my pup ate part of a refrigerator magnet this week.  Then puked all over my bedding.  Yes, I was late to work that morning.

5.  I've never been to a Twins game in the new stadium.  I am considering getting Pete to register for the Twin's Territory 4K.  I can knock out my first real road race AND my first game all in one day!

211.2: The Dietitian Yelled At Me

I met with the dietitian at the bariatric center yesterday.  I got yelled at.  I was supposed to come back in January after my inital meeting with the other dietitian and show a food journal for 4 weeks.  I cancelled the appointment because I couldn't get a specific answer from insurance about whether or not they'd pay for it.  So I got yelled at.  Well, not yelled at, but sternly talked to. 

I have to admit that sometimes I am frustrated by the whole process.  I understand that there is a method to the madness so to speak, but sometimes it's incredibly frustrating coming from the patient's perspective.  I think that my frustration comes from the fact that I've seen the process with Pete in the last year and I know it, inside and out.  Yet I understand that I am likely one of few people who have that perspective and they have rules. 

So when she started to sternly question why I had not been back, I gave her the "I've followed my husband's plan in the last year where he's lost 130+ pounds" speech.  And honestly, the information that she gave me wasn't anything that I didn't already know.  I'm eating at full food again and it's a trial and error to see if there are things that I'm not going to be able to eat.  So far I feel no real restriction, but fuller quicker than I did prior to surgery.  I am anxious to get my first fill next week and see how that will change my eating.

Have you seen this tea?

Good Earth Sweet & Spicy is my new drink.  I heard about it last weekend at the Prior Fat Girl meetup.  I found it at my local grocery store in the decaf version.  I LOVE it.  It's spicey from the cinnamon, but balanced with sweet to counteract the tinnins.  I love tea and have been a loose tea snob, but this is good.  Really good.  If you've never tried it, do so.  I have a couple of cups a day.

213.2: Lunch

My version of almost Wordless Wednesday.  My brightly colored salad ( I only ate about 2/3 of if), add a hard boiled egg and sugar free Boston Creme Pie pudding.

I didn't get chosen for the Prior Fat Girl blogger.  But that's ok.  As I told Jen, this isn't going to stop my journey.  I'm the only one who can do that and I'm not about to do it now!  To anyone who voted for me or even just decided to check out my personal blog.  Thanks for stopping by!  Hope to see you more often!

212.8: Am I Missing Cues?

As you may have noticed in the titles, my weight isn't changing much.  I think I've returned to eating the quantity of food that I was prior to surgery.  And I have to wonder if I'm missing cues to stop?

When I eat, I eat slower and chew longer.  But I'm not achieving the full sensation.  I stop when I've eating the portions that I did before - 4-6 ounces of protein, 3/4 cup veggies and 1/2 cup starch.  When I do notice is that sometimes I feel pressure at my breastbone after drinking (not at meal time).  And a few times I've eaten too much (Easter) and felt the pressure a lot.  But I search for that cue or any other cue to tell me to stop eating before that.  I see the dietitian tomorrow and then go for a fill next Wednesday.  I'm looking forward to that.

I pulled out my sheet from my first appointment at the bariatric center.  My weight wasn't my lowest, I gained about 10 pounds from September to December when I went back in and knew for sure that I could proceed with the process for surgery.  It had my arm, waist, hips and neck measurements on it.  So for fun I measured myself again.  It was astounding to me to see that I lost a total of 11.5 inches in my body and about 23 pounds of weight in comparison to that day.  It pretty much makes me realize that although my body may not be shedding weight rapidly, it's changing daily.

Size 16 pants (too big, needed safety pin), size medium cami, size large sweater.

211.2; Have I Mentioned I'm A Runner?

That's me.  After I ran my first 5K outside.  Yes, you read that right.  First 5 K outside. 

Saturday morning I went to the Prior Fat Girl meetup and talked with some wonderful women about their journeys.  Shared some information about myself.  Awesome time.  I always leave these feeling pumped up and ready to battle my way through whatever I need to do.

On the drive home I was blasting my 80's Hair bands with my windows down.  I decided that was the afternoon I was going to run outside.  When I got home Pete said he'd come with.  I wanted to go to the park we walk at for a few reasons.  It's mostly flat.  I know the route from walking it.  It's usually not crowded.  There are some shady areas that provide cooler temps. 

On the way there I kept saying to Pete:  I can do this, right?  He kept telling me that I could.  I told him that my goal was to run it in less than an hour.  I figured that running outside would add to my time because it's physically harder to do.  I asked Pete how he thought I was going to do.  He told me that he thought I'd run 30 feet.  When he said that I was upset and told him that he was supposed to be pumping me up.  He again told me that I could do it.

I got out, put my music on, started my Nike+ application on my phone and headed out.  There is a small portion nearing the parking lot that is wooded and I ran through there without stopping at all!  YAY!  When I cam out to the clearing Pete was there cheering me on and ready to run with me.  I ran about 3/4 of a mile without stopping and then had to walk for a bit.  I alternated walking/running the next 1 1/4 miles; running more than walking.  Then the next 1/2 mile I walked.  My legs were tired, but that wasn't stopping me.  It was that I was outside and my asthma was acting up some because of the pollen.  When I got close to the parking lot and knew that I was getting close to the end, I started running again.  Pete was encouraging me, telling me that I can do it and keep going.  I kept saying "Anything is better than nothing" over and over in my head, waiting for the Nike+ program to tell me that I had gone 3.1 miles.

Finally I did it!.  44:08 minutes; just over 14 minute mile average and my first mile was 13 minutes.  Holy Crap!  I ran a 5K outside.  I really can do this!  And my time wasn't that far off of my treadmill time.  I think I felt like I was going slow, but because I can't pace very well yet, I was actually going about what I normally do. 

While we were walking back to the car, Pete told me that the first time he tried to run outside he ran 30 feet, was discouraged and stopped.  He didn't want me to be discouraged, but wanted me to know that it was ok, to run a short time, as long as I kept going.  I understood his comment much better with the explanation.

Saturday afternoon my feet hurt and yesterday my hips were aching.  I realized that my shoes are the end of their life and I need to get new ones to avoid soreness and injury.  But you know what?  I can't wait to get outside and run again.  I think I need to add at least one outside run to my weekly workout routine.

213.2; Friday Five

1.  I didn't work out again this morning.  I'm trying to listen to my body.  But I'll be back at it at 6 am tomorrow morning.

2.  It's been about 64 degrees in my office at work.  The building was built 1901 and retrofitted for several utilities.  Heat is one that they just can't seem to get right.  Plus I think they turned the heat off in March when it got so warm and can't really start it back up again.  Did I mention that none of my winter stuff fits me anymore and I donated it already?

3.  Date night!  Pete and I are going to see one of my favorite local bands.  80's rock here I come!

4.  I'm headed to the Prior Fat Girl Meetup on Saturday.  Are you?

5.  I'm spending my birthday cash on a new Harley shirt this weekend.  I need to get re-Harley-ed up for the riding season in my new size - large.  (not XXL or even XL!  yay!)

213: Is There Ever a Terrible Workout?

Quick answer?  Yes.

Long Answer?  Yes, but....

I'm a little frustrated.  The number in my title is my weight.  I was down to 209, but I'm holding at 212/213 for the last week.  Monday and Tuesday I had awesome days at the gym and I was on a high thinking about how the magic number would start reducing again.  Yesterday I took my rest day and just did some home stretching and relaxing.  Ready to get back to it this morning, right?  Wrong.

My legs are still a it sore and tired.  I stretched at the treadmill and hopped on to start moving.  But about 5 minutes into it, I could tell that it wasn't working.  Rather than pushing myself I headed over to the elliptical/stepper machine I used earlier in the week.  I did 20 minutes on that machine, but it only made my legs a bit more sore.  So I headed back to the treadmill to walk.  That wasn't it either.  So I stopped.  I sat on a mat an stretched while Pete finished his workout.

I'm, disappointed and frustrated.  My legs are usually tired from running and I know that I can push through the tiredness.  But I'm not sure if I should push through the soreness.  And I certainly don't want to hurt myself to the point that I can't get to the gym at all.  So Pete rolled me out with the foam roller this morning and I'll have him do it again tonight and hope that tomorrow is a better workout day. 

I'm researching palates and yoga.  I'm a horrible yoga-er as per the classes I've taken in the past.  But I think that I need something that helps me relax, concentrate on my body and stretch.  I think this is to say that I am realizing that running and Body Pump isn't a complete body exercise plan for me.

121: Rest Days

I am sore from yesterday.  Good sore.  I went 2 miles on the treadmill with a .10 mile rest spread out in the second mile.  Then I decided to go for it and ended up getting in 4.25 miles in 1 hour.  Awesome feeling.  I can't wait to do it again and I think that means that I'm addicted.  But then I went back to the gym last night to do a Body Pump class with my sister.  She had never been before.  It was a lot of lungs and squats.  My legs are good sore and needed a rest day.

I slept until 6:30 this morning.  6:30!  It was wonderful to allow myself to wake up next to Pete and cuddle with him and the pooch for a while before jumping up for my day ahead.  I think sometimes I get so wrapped up in my journey that I forget the little things.  In fact I think it's a good reminder to me to stop and listen to everything around me.

I have a friend who's husband just had a gastric band also.  They are a family of 4 and are having growing pains adjusting to a new life where exercise can sometimes consume you.  Talking to her really made me think.  Am I doing this?  Did Pete do this?  When I think about it, Pete was pretty determined, but he never let his working out get in the way of us.  And certainly I seem to be doing the same thing.  When he was changing his diet, I decided to change my diet and eating habits at the same time.  I think that we have done a pretty good job of supporting each other.  The thing is that we don't have kids.  We have a dog who's pretty low maintenance.

The whole point of the gastric band and all the information before having it, is that you change your life.  You make changes that you can live with to create a new you and a new path.  But it all has to fit into your life.  And making that work seems to be the hardest thing.  The program talks a lot about making sure that you're aware of your relationships while going through this.  Make sure that you're not letting the life you have go for a new life.  I never once felt like Pete was letting his life go.  I was certainly jealous of his success, but I told him that in the moment and got over it.  I think we both made an effort to change with his surgery and it both secured his success and set me up to be successful when I decided it was my time to go through it also.

So tonight I'm inviting my hubby on a date.  Nothing big, just a shared meal at one of our favorite restaurants, some hand holding and a walk with the dog afterwards.  I feel the need to stop and take in all that is surrounding me to appreciate it.

213: Runner's High

Monday morning I went to the gym for my work out.  4:40am my alarm goes off and I get up, get dressed and head out the door.  Pete and I got to the gym and my heart rate monitor wasn't working.  I stepped off the treadmill to figure it out, not knowing that when the treadmill doesn't sense movement, it stops.  Frustrated, I started the treadmill again after getting my hear rate monitor working.  This wasn't turning out to be a very good day.

But then something happened.  When I restarted the treadmill and started running.  And didn't stop.  I ran a full mile (about 14 minutes) without stopping.  Holy crap.  I can run a mile.  So I kept going.  My legs didn't hurt, I didn't really hear what was going on around me, my body just kept going.  Ahhhh, runner's high!  I found it!  This is what I've been waiting for since December.  I found it.

I ended up running about 1.6 miles with a .05 mile break just after a mile.  Then I had some issues with my wardrobe that brought me back to reality.  I couldn't continue on the treadmill and ended up on a machine that is both a stairstepper and elliptical, depending on how quickly you move.  I started 30 minutes of elliptical on it and kept moving.  This thing was kicking my butt!  What was a disappointment turn of events made me realize that I need to do some different cardio that the treadmill all the time.  I need to remember that.

Halfway though the 30 minutes Pete came over and checked on me and then kept doing what he was doing.  When I got done and walked over to him he was smiling.  I asked him what the smile was for.  He told me that my body is really changing.  I smiled back and said thanks.  He again smiled and told me that my body was really changing.  He went on to tell me that he left me at the treadmill and went to do his thing.  When he was done he went back to the treadmill, but by that time I was gone.  He said that he swept the gym 3 times before he finally recognized me on the other machine.  MY HUSBAND DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ME!  Can you just imagine how large my smile was when he said that?  it was HUGE!  Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since surgery.  I'll have him take photos to post on Thursday with my progress.

212.4: Easter Fail

I really failed at my eating this weekend.

Friday my 9 year old niece and I spent the day making Easter goodies.  Honestly, when I am baking I want nothing of the treats.  The day I spend baking I usually hardly eat anything at all.  So Friday wasn't that off.  I made a bad decision to eat some of her pizza rolls, but the rest of the day was on track with eating and I did 1000 calories in running & Body Pump that morning. 

Saturday we got up and the kids and I went swimming.  I really didn't burn much so I can't count it as exercise, but we played for an hour.  Then we went home and Pete cooked scrambled eggs, bacon and toast for breakfast.  I had 1.5 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon and a half a bagel thin.  Not bad.  Then we went to my sister's house for Easter dinner with my family. 

FAIL!

I ate a small green salad shortly after we got there.  About an hour later we had dinner complete with ham, these awesomely cheesy potatoes, augratin potatoes, rutabaga, green beans, asparagus, fresh bread and other things.  I purposely took a small plate from the cabinet and only used that.  I had a small piece of ham, beans, asparagus, some rutabaga and half a piece of bread.  Not bad.  I ate slowly and didn't drink afterwards for more than 30 minutes.

But then I sat around talking to my family.  And as we talked, I had a couple of small pieces of banana cake, a cake pop, a small piece of chocolate brownie, 12 jelly beans.  And when I realized that I was grazing I stopped.  But by this time I was full.  Really full.  Like it hurt full.  So I got my niece and we took the dog for a walk.  It was so windy that she didn't want to stay out long, but we walked for about half a mile.  Still I didn't feel better.  After about an hour of sitting in the living room watching baseball, I started to feel better. 

Guess what I did?  I returned to the kitchen where people were talking.  Suddenly I found myself wanting to snack again.  This time I learned my lesson.  I started snacking on fruit.  I figured if I was going to do it, it would be something healthy. 

Pete and I talked a lot that night about how to handle holidays.  Our holidays seem so centered on food that I need to develop a plan to stop the grazing.  I really really wish I could have worked out that morning, but I had the kids.  I think that when I work out my metabolism is higher and I'm less hungry.  I'm also proud of the work that I did and less likely to destroy it by overeating.  But I also need to figure out ways to stop the grazing.  Maybe having a code word between Pete and I that we say when we find each other doing it.  (He does it too!)  Maybe I wear my One Bite, One Decision hot pink bracelet on my right write to remind me when I brink that to my mouth that I shouldn't be doing that. 

I know I need to do something. 

211.2; The Plan

As you can see from my word cloud, there have been previous plans.  Some I stuck with, many I did not.  I have greater luck sticking to plans when I visually see them each day.  This is my current plan:



Sorry it's so pixilated!

There is a class at the Y called Body Pump that I am in love with.  Cardio plus strength training.  Perfect for me.  I used to do it each Monday and Friday and then put cardio at various times throughout the week.  Now they changed the Monday and Wednesday morning Pump class to Ripped.  It's more bouncing (which in the past has caused feet issues for me), but still cardio and strength.  I'm going to make April my month to try it.  If it doesn't work I'll have to use some of my old workouts from my trainer to help with strength.

My intake goals are 3 meals a day of about 1 to 1.5 cups of food, mostly protein.  1-2 snacks (1 onuce of cheese, protein pudding...).  64 or more ounces of water a day.  Getting at least 8 ounces of milk with the protein powder in it.  I'm usually pretty hungry feeling (not necessary hunger pains) when I work out.  I may have to adjust my plan when I'm working out most days of the week.

I started out the month at 210.2 (my plan has a error!). My goal is to be 200 by 5/1/12.  It should be attainable if I sustain my workouts and my eating habits.

I know there aren't rest days in there.  I will work those in.  I'm still trying to get back into working out and using my abdomen, so my rest days are likely going to end up coming when I feel I need them, not scheduled before hand.  For instance I ended up resting on 4/3/12.  I had a temporary clown Monday night at the dentist.  Which for me requires muscle relaxers and pain medications.  I was zonked out at 4:40am when my alam when off for the gym Tuesday morning and didn't go.

Things to note about this month:  I had a follow up call from the insurance to see how I'm doing 4/4/12.  They want to make sure that I'm following what the doctor tells me to get the results I want.  She was pleased with where I was at and will check in again in July.  I have a meeting with a dietian on 4/18 to go over the foods and amounts I'm eating.  And most importantly I have my first *possible* fill appointment on 4/25/12.

210.6; Those Feelings Revisted

Last Friday I talked about how Pete said I wasn't happy with my weight loss.  I promised to think about it more.  To be honest I don't know that I actively thought about it all weekend.  Saturday I exhausted myself shopping all day.  I thought it would be fun to use my coupons for some things in my new size.  I ended up with a couple of shirts, a dress and sheer frustration over every. single. pair. of. pants. I. tried. on.  I'm still in about 3 different sizes depending on the store, the cut and about 12 ballion other things. 

It's hard for me to realize that I wear a size large shirt, not a 2X.  It's even harder to realize that my booty WILL fit in those size 16 pants.  It's a strange realization and  I need to get used to going to those smaller sizes.  I wear 3/4 sleeve cardigans a lot to work.  My office is usually cool, even in the summer.  I have 3 black ones.  This week I bought a white one.  Something that seemed to go against the fat girl's guide to dressing, or so I thought.

New size LARGE! shirt and size LARGE! WHITE! cardigan!

I spent Saturday evening very tired and frustrated.  I remembered what I had heard Melissa from My 600 Pound Life say.  She had lost about 140 pounds, but wanted it to go fast.  She needed to slow down and let it happen.

I realized the following on Monday:

• I'm scared of losing too fast and having wobbly hanging skin.
• I want to lose faster so I can fit into those lower sizes.
• I'm not happy with my weight loss unless I add fitness into my plan.

Quite the contradiction, aren't I?  But really I can tie them together all nicely by what Melissa said above.  I need to just stick with my plan.  I need to develop a plan for life, one that I can stick to.  Isn't that the whole point of losing weight in the first place?  Developing a healthy lifestyle?  Making a plan that I know that I can stick to?

So what's my plan?  Good question.  I had a plan for pre-surgery, but really haven't sat down and thought about my plan for after surgery.  I guess this is my prompt to do just that.

Guess what?  I nominated myself to be a PriorFatGirl blogger.  My nomination post went live yesterday and later there will be voting.  I don't take this lightly.  It's a decision that I've thought about for countless hours.  What you say to the Internet has ramifications, both good and bad.  You can have an effect on people that is both good and bad.  I'm hoping that sharing my struggles and gains, I can inspire others, just like Jen did for me when I started reading her.  So if you're reading this and you have a moment to spare, go check out the nominees and vote for someone!

209.6: Hunger Games

In the past I told you all that I hardly ever felt hunger in the last 10 plus years.  And it was true.  Occasionally when we were riding motorcycles across country and only stopping a couple of times to eat did I feel hunger pains.  But mostly I ate because my mind told me to, not my body.  There is a difference.  Even when I was doing the liquid diet for surgery I wasn't feeling hunger pains.

Since surgery I started having hunger pains when I wake up.  They hurt.  It's like the banded portion of my stomach constricts much more than the rest of it.  It's also likely due to the fact that that area is healing from the surgery. 

Saturday I got up and Pete and I went to the gym.  We worked out  and came home.  I made myself 1 scrambled egg with a tablespoon of rinsed black beans and 1/2 ounce of shredded cheese.  Yum!  Then I took a shower and went on my little shopping spree looking for pants that fit me, to the craft store and grocery shopping.  I was gone from 9:30am to about 4pm.  I realized when I got home that I hadn't eaten lunch and that I wasn't hungry. 

I realized then that I'm going to have to watch myself.  I need to keep eating 3 good meals and I can't be skipping them.  I need the calories, protein, vitamins and minerals now.  It was an interesting realization.

Sunday I again got up and went to the gym, this time by myself.  I worked out and stopped at Target (the time sucker!) on my way home.  I was there for over an hour and didn't get home until 10:30.  I again made myself the same breakfast.  Then I went and relaxed, ready to take a nap after my exhausting day Saturday and my 3.7 mile run that morning.  But I couldn't sleep and got sucked into some TV.  At 1pm I went down, heated up my leftover 1/2 cup of macaroni and cheese and ate it. 

This time I ate because my mind told me to.  I had 2 meals within about 2.5 hours.  This was the old me seeping back in.  The me who eats because the clock tells me to, not my body.  I also had to dampen it later that night when I wanted to snack after dinner.

This is not going to be easy.  At least until I get my first fill and feel the real restriction that the band has.  I still need to be ever mindful of my body versus my mind.  I need to listen to my body and eat regular meals to FEED it.  I do not need to snack.  I realized yesterday that this is still a mindful process that I need to be aware of.  The band is not an easy out like so many people think.

Ignore the clothes and the dog toys, oh and the dark room.  This is the only full length mirror we have and it's in our tiny closet.  I took it this morning when Pete was still sleeping and the dog was trying to get me to play!

210.2: It Happened

Monday I exercised at the gym, went to work and then got to have a crown started in the back of my mouth.  Typical things, right?  But see that number up there in the title?  I gained.  .4 pounds.  I'm trying to figure this out, so stick with me, ok?

It was the third day of exercising yesterday.  I did about 40 minutes of cardio and 400 calories. 

I ate my 1 egg breakfast and added half a bagel thin.  And true to form, my typical hunger/grazing/need to eat in the afternoon at work popped up.  But I chose a piece of low fat cheese to the tune of 50 calories.  Left work and went to the dentist.  Came home and had 1/2 cup homemade mac & cheese.  Then I had about 3/4 cup cubed chicken and salsa mix (leftovers from Sunday night).  About 7pm I had 1/2 a small banana with 1 teaspoon nutella, 1 teaspoon peanut butter and a tablespoon of light whipped cream.  

I was really thirsty yesterday and drank about 100 ounces of water, more than I've had since prior to surgery.  I even drank a 20 ounce bottle of water during the night.  My mouth hurts a lot and I was up about 4 times in the night.

I have to be honest though, I've been dreading the day that the scale no longer read a loss.  Maybe that's why I wasn't happy all the time when I weighed myself.  I've been waiting for the shoe to drop, so to speak.  Looking at my day, I didn't do anything different.  I talked it over with Pete and he thinks that it may have been all the water and no activity last night because of my dentist appointment.  I just don't know what it is. 

So here I sit, confused about the .4 pounds.  I spent yesterday afternoon figuring out a plan for the month and sure enough life throws a wrench in the plan.  And yet .4 pounds?  That's nothing in the scheme of things, right?  I've lost many pounds and will continue to do so.  I believe that I need to shake this off, keep going and not let it bother me.

209: New Workout Gear

For the first time this morning I wore one of those racerback fitted tanks to the gym.  I actually found one that held in my tummy a bit to protect it while I was on the treadmill.  I found it after several hours of shopping on Saturday.  So I wore it Sunday to the gym underneath a light t-shirt.  I walked, jogged 3.7 miles in an hour.  This morning I decided to wear it with no shirt. 

This is big.  Can you tell?  Are you thinking what I am?

I had the confidence to show off some of my body.  I actually felt like I deserved to have people see how hard I've been working.  I was going to say that I was a bit self conscious, but actually I wasn't.  Not at all.  And my former trainer noticed the loss I've managed and commented that I looked good!  (victory for me!)

I also got a less fitted tank to try out with just my workout bra and see how that feels.  And I got some smaller sized workout pants and longer shorts.  I'm excited to try them out this week.

I do need to figure out this morning workout thing again.  My old pattern was to get up at 4:40 am, get dressed, grab a small banana and go.  The banana held me over until I could get to work at 7-7:30 to eat my breakfast.  But I can't drink for 30 minutes after I eat.  So if I eat a banana at 4:50, I can't drink for the first 20 minutes of whatever workout I do.  And I tend to drink a lot.  When I'm running it's about 36-40 ounces and when I do a class it's 30 ounces.  I can't eat directly out of bed either.  At least I couldn't before. 

Hmmm...  maybe I can kill 2 birds with one stone?  I'm only experiencing hunger pains when I wake up.  So maybe I need to keep a banana by my bed and eat it when I wake up.  Then by the time I get ready and get to the gym I'll only have about 10 minutes of in ability to drink.  I think I'm going to try it.