209.6: Hunger Games

In the past I told you all that I hardly ever felt hunger in the last 10 plus years.  And it was true.  Occasionally when we were riding motorcycles across country and only stopping a couple of times to eat did I feel hunger pains.  But mostly I ate because my mind told me to, not my body.  There is a difference.  Even when I was doing the liquid diet for surgery I wasn't feeling hunger pains.

Since surgery I started having hunger pains when I wake up.  They hurt.  It's like the banded portion of my stomach constricts much more than the rest of it.  It's also likely due to the fact that that area is healing from the surgery. 

Saturday I got up and Pete and I went to the gym.  We worked out  and came home.  I made myself 1 scrambled egg with a tablespoon of rinsed black beans and 1/2 ounce of shredded cheese.  Yum!  Then I took a shower and went on my little shopping spree looking for pants that fit me, to the craft store and grocery shopping.  I was gone from 9:30am to about 4pm.  I realized when I got home that I hadn't eaten lunch and that I wasn't hungry. 

I realized then that I'm going to have to watch myself.  I need to keep eating 3 good meals and I can't be skipping them.  I need the calories, protein, vitamins and minerals now.  It was an interesting realization.

Sunday I again got up and went to the gym, this time by myself.  I worked out and stopped at Target (the time sucker!) on my way home.  I was there for over an hour and didn't get home until 10:30.  I again made myself the same breakfast.  Then I went and relaxed, ready to take a nap after my exhausting day Saturday and my 3.7 mile run that morning.  But I couldn't sleep and got sucked into some TV.  At 1pm I went down, heated up my leftover 1/2 cup of macaroni and cheese and ate it. 

This time I ate because my mind told me to.  I had 2 meals within about 2.5 hours.  This was the old me seeping back in.  The me who eats because the clock tells me to, not my body.  I also had to dampen it later that night when I wanted to snack after dinner.

This is not going to be easy.  At least until I get my first fill and feel the real restriction that the band has.  I still need to be ever mindful of my body versus my mind.  I need to listen to my body and eat regular meals to FEED it.  I do not need to snack.  I realized yesterday that this is still a mindful process that I need to be aware of.  The band is not an easy out like so many people think.

Ignore the clothes and the dog toys, oh and the dark room.  This is the only full length mirror we have and it's in our tiny closet.  I took it this morning when Pete was still sleeping and the dog was trying to get me to play!