Today is my Friday. Actually yesterday was to be my Friday and today I was supposed to leave this morning for a motorcycle rally weekend. But with Pete's job, extended weekend plans are on hold. So this is my plan:
Today: I'm done around 1pm. I plan on taking my jewelry in for a check per the warranty. Then heading to the gym to workout. Then home where I have chicken marinating in Indian spices to grill with fresh corn on the cob and a tomato/cucumber salad
Tomorrow: I'm headed to the gym in the morning, then I have a couple of work reports to do from home. Then waiting for Pete to get home to do some riding.
Saturday: We're planning on riding down to the Wabasha area to check out things for the campout my club chapter puts on. It's an all day thing and my first all day riding this year. I CAN'T WAIT!
Sunday: Gym in the morning. The rest of the day is unplanned and usually that's the best kind of day for Pete and I. We're going to do riding, but where and what to see is the question.
Monday: More riding during the day. Then We're headed to Raceway Park for some redneck fun. My favorite is the figure 8s and the Flagpole Race. I think it's because I like the threat of crashes.
In all of this, my goal is to eat mindfully. Meaning, eat when I am hungry, not bored. Not eating more just to get my "share". Choosing leaner proteins when eating out and limiting fats. Indulging in treats, but making those limited. Water, Water and more Water.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Are you a Gobbler or a Saver?
I read a post on a message board I belong to yesterday.
I don't want her starting to feel like she needs to eat at his pace in order to get her share.
I remember doing this.
Money was tight when I was a kid. We never went hungry, but treats and things were a minimum. I have a distinct memory of baking a loaf of quick bread from the back of the cabinet when my parents were at work one day. Then keeping it in my room in my bottom desk drawer to eat all for myself. I remember my mom coming home with groceries and I cut off a hunk of the mozzarella chunk and took it too my room to eat. With the bread, I don't think my parents every knew about it. If they did, they never said anything. With the mozzarella, I remember getting into trouble because it was all supposed to be used for a lasagna my Mom was making. I remember my sister hiding tomatoes on her window sill until they ripened so she'd get her share of tomatoes from the garden.
My family wasn't big on desserts. But when we went to other people's houses, especially my Grandma's, there would be dessert after every meal. When there was ice cream or cake or something like that at our house, I think I over ate, so that I would feel like I got my share of it. After the pattern emerged, I think I started doing it with savory food also.
Even to this day...there are times were I find myself eating something at home because I like it and I want to get my share in. How silly is that? I'm an adult with the ability to buy more, but I still take larger portions or eat it more often to make sure that I get my share. I'm thankful for reading that yesterday. I triggered something in me that said "I am your daughter! Please figure this out so she doesn't become me!" It also make me realize what I am doing and that I need to take steps to make the changes so that I don't do that.
My goal in the next 2 weeks is to realize when I am doing this, what food it is and really think about why I'm doing it or what I'm afraid of.
My daughter is 11. She and my husband have an ongoing issue with food. She complains to me about all of the food that she feels he eats too much of. Clearly this not the end of the world, but I have a very slight concern that this could alter her view on food at some point.There were a whole bunch of responses about how the husband pays for the food so he can eat what he wants, when he wants it. More about how the parents control the food and she needs to quit worrying about it. But there was also a group who focused on the last sentence of the quote.
The problem in a nutshell is that if my husband likes something, it's gone. My daughter asked me to buy some dip at the store on Sunday. She opened it and had a little Sunday. She came back last night and she's scraping the bottom of the container because my husband apparently ate it all Sunday night. The same type of thing will happen with a box of ice cream treats. She'll have one and come back a few days later and he's had one every day until there aren't any.
I guess that is where it the food concern comes in. He's not eating the whole box at once or anything, but unless she also eats one a day, she doesn't get any. I don't want her starting to feel like she needs to eat at his pace in order to get her share.
I don't want her starting to feel like she needs to eat at his pace in order to get her share.
I remember doing this.
Money was tight when I was a kid. We never went hungry, but treats and things were a minimum. I have a distinct memory of baking a loaf of quick bread from the back of the cabinet when my parents were at work one day. Then keeping it in my room in my bottom desk drawer to eat all for myself. I remember my mom coming home with groceries and I cut off a hunk of the mozzarella chunk and took it too my room to eat. With the bread, I don't think my parents every knew about it. If they did, they never said anything. With the mozzarella, I remember getting into trouble because it was all supposed to be used for a lasagna my Mom was making. I remember my sister hiding tomatoes on her window sill until they ripened so she'd get her share of tomatoes from the garden.
My family wasn't big on desserts. But when we went to other people's houses, especially my Grandma's, there would be dessert after every meal. When there was ice cream or cake or something like that at our house, I think I over ate, so that I would feel like I got my share of it. After the pattern emerged, I think I started doing it with savory food also.
Even to this day...there are times were I find myself eating something at home because I like it and I want to get my share in. How silly is that? I'm an adult with the ability to buy more, but I still take larger portions or eat it more often to make sure that I get my share. I'm thankful for reading that yesterday. I triggered something in me that said "I am your daughter! Please figure this out so she doesn't become me!" It also make me realize what I am doing and that I need to take steps to make the changes so that I don't do that.
My goal in the next 2 weeks is to realize when I am doing this, what food it is and really think about why I'm doing it or what I'm afraid of.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tips On Getting Healthy...from a guy
No, not Pete. Although I should ask him sometime...
Check out this article from a former fat guy about getting healthy.
Yet, he's right. Eating out for Pete and I has become a feast or famine kind of thing. We go for weeks without eating out at all, then weeks were it seems like all we do is eat out. Eating out isn't good. You have no clue how they really prepare your items; no idea how fresh the items are or where they came from. You can't control many parts to the meal like sodium and fats. When I eat at home, I know what I'm making and how I made it. Simple.
Full vs satisfied. I struggle with this too. I struggle with it because I struggle with hunger. My hunger switch is all messed up. For a long time I was never hungry because I was eating whatever, whenever. Real hunger is a feeling in your tummy, not an emotional switch in your head. I struggle with learning about when I'm really hungry vs when I just want to eat. Therefore the satisfied vs full feeling is also hard. However, it doesn't mean that I don't try to do this. I'm much better about taking 1 portion of food at home, eating my meal and then deciding if I'm still unsatisfied and need more. I'm much better about leaving food on my plate when we do go out and not feeling guilty about wasting it. But I can certainly do better with this.
I am in the best shape of my life right now. Well except for when I was playing softball in high school. Yet I can't let that stop me from trying to get in better shape. I can't sit back and think that this is it. I need to learn to love the exercise and get in better shape. And still when I do that I need to keep seeking more. It really is a never ending battle, not a quick thing.
This former fat guy is right on so many levels.
Check out this article from a former fat guy about getting healthy.
- Learn to love exercise.
- Focus on short term goals.
- Embrace vanity.
- Don't give up the quest for looking your best.
- Decide that you're not in the best shape of your life.
- Eat breakfast.
- Focus on "satisfied' not "full'.
- Try going to bed a little hungry.
- Get most of your calories from the grocery store.
- Focus on low calorie density foods.
Yet, he's right. Eating out for Pete and I has become a feast or famine kind of thing. We go for weeks without eating out at all, then weeks were it seems like all we do is eat out. Eating out isn't good. You have no clue how they really prepare your items; no idea how fresh the items are or where they came from. You can't control many parts to the meal like sodium and fats. When I eat at home, I know what I'm making and how I made it. Simple.
Full vs satisfied. I struggle with this too. I struggle with it because I struggle with hunger. My hunger switch is all messed up. For a long time I was never hungry because I was eating whatever, whenever. Real hunger is a feeling in your tummy, not an emotional switch in your head. I struggle with learning about when I'm really hungry vs when I just want to eat. Therefore the satisfied vs full feeling is also hard. However, it doesn't mean that I don't try to do this. I'm much better about taking 1 portion of food at home, eating my meal and then deciding if I'm still unsatisfied and need more. I'm much better about leaving food on my plate when we do go out and not feeling guilty about wasting it. But I can certainly do better with this.
I am in the best shape of my life right now. Well except for when I was playing softball in high school. Yet I can't let that stop me from trying to get in better shape. I can't sit back and think that this is it. I need to learn to love the exercise and get in better shape. And still when I do that I need to keep seeking more. It really is a never ending battle, not a quick thing.
This former fat guy is right on so many levels.
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Good: Pete started his job today. I spent 40 minutes on the treadmill Saturday alternating walk/job every minute and logged 2.75 miles. I grilled halibut Saturday night that was awesomely good. I have meals planned out for the week because it's busy. We had fire Friday night on our patio and roasted s'mores.
Bad: Pete learned that the position he was temporarily hired for will go through an interview process in the next month that he must go through also. I didn't work out at the gym on Friday or yesterday. The bathroom in the B&B we stayed in this weekend was tiny - as in my knees wouldn't fit in the room with me and I had to sit sideways on the potty. We got lost yesterday on the way to a graduation and I was frustrated with our GPS and Google Maps on my phone.
Ugly: My white legs. Seriously. They NEVER see sun because when we're outside in the summer it's with the bikes and I'm in jeans and riding boots. I've tried all kinds of sunless tanners (no tanning beds for me) and I streak like no body's business with all of them.
How about you?
Bad: Pete learned that the position he was temporarily hired for will go through an interview process in the next month that he must go through also. I didn't work out at the gym on Friday or yesterday. The bathroom in the B&B we stayed in this weekend was tiny - as in my knees wouldn't fit in the room with me and I had to sit sideways on the potty. We got lost yesterday on the way to a graduation and I was frustrated with our GPS and Google Maps on my phone.
Ugly: My white legs. Seriously. They NEVER see sun because when we're outside in the summer it's with the bikes and I'm in jeans and riding boots. I've tried all kinds of sunless tanners (no tanning beds for me) and I streak like no body's business with all of them.
How about you?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Pete
I haven't updated on Pete in a couple of weeks. Partly because I was worried about him. Partly because I didn't know what to say.
What I can say is that he was getting really obsessive about continuing to lose weight, despite telling me that he was happy with his weight. He was working out every day - 2 hours - running and then some weights. He was obsessed about food consumption and back to asking me every meal if he was over eating. He wasn't sleeping at night. He had decided to start sleeping while I was at work, being up with me in the evenings to do things and then up all night while I was sleeping. He said that he felt like he was going crazy from being at home by himself all day getting rejections from all the applications that he was sending in for jobs.
When he started thinking about changing his sleeping patterns for his mental health, I knew that this was serious. I know that people think unemployment is a joke and people abuse it, but there are just as many people who use it as it should be and struggle. Pete is that person. He is caught between not getting the jobs that he can do because there are so many people out of work with more school/experience to fill those jobs; and not getting the lower jobs because employers were afraid he would leave right away. He has a log of over 400 applications in the last 6 months. Some of the applications are small and done in 15 minutes with a resume attached. Some of them were over 3 hours of questions to answer plus a resume. It really does become a full time job to find a job.
Yesterday Pete called me at work about 5 with news. He was offered a temporary to permanent job through one of the temp agencies he was registered with. AMEN. AMEN. I could hear the excitement in his voice. I could hear his smile and his relief through the phone. I could sense that he was calmer and more himself again. And I was reminded that I will never be given more than I can handle and I need to believe in the power of believing.
So no 4th of July trip and likely no Annual Run with the motorcycle club to Michigan later this summer. But I'll take the sanity of my husband over any trip.
Congrats honey.
What I can say is that he was getting really obsessive about continuing to lose weight, despite telling me that he was happy with his weight. He was working out every day - 2 hours - running and then some weights. He was obsessed about food consumption and back to asking me every meal if he was over eating. He wasn't sleeping at night. He had decided to start sleeping while I was at work, being up with me in the evenings to do things and then up all night while I was sleeping. He said that he felt like he was going crazy from being at home by himself all day getting rejections from all the applications that he was sending in for jobs.
When he started thinking about changing his sleeping patterns for his mental health, I knew that this was serious. I know that people think unemployment is a joke and people abuse it, but there are just as many people who use it as it should be and struggle. Pete is that person. He is caught between not getting the jobs that he can do because there are so many people out of work with more school/experience to fill those jobs; and not getting the lower jobs because employers were afraid he would leave right away. He has a log of over 400 applications in the last 6 months. Some of the applications are small and done in 15 minutes with a resume attached. Some of them were over 3 hours of questions to answer plus a resume. It really does become a full time job to find a job.
Yesterday Pete called me at work about 5 with news. He was offered a temporary to permanent job through one of the temp agencies he was registered with. AMEN. AMEN. I could hear the excitement in his voice. I could hear his smile and his relief through the phone. I could sense that he was calmer and more himself again. And I was reminded that I will never be given more than I can handle and I need to believe in the power of believing.
So no 4th of July trip and likely no Annual Run with the motorcycle club to Michigan later this summer. But I'll take the sanity of my husband over any trip.
Congrats honey.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Evening Workouts and Eating
Okay, I need some help. For the next 7 weeks I have Monday night workouts with my new trainer. I'm so a morning workout girl. I think that morning workouts rock for several reasons: I'm more motivated fresh out of bed, it makes my day better, I workout better/longer, I have more energy and I can actually commit to not being busy then.
Only Pete and I are sharing a trainer. I head there right after work and my workout is 5:15(ish) to 5:45. Since Pete isn't working, he takes the 30 minutes before me. So, uh, what do I do about dinner? Last night we ended up going to Subway across from the gym and bringing it home and eating. It was good. I intellectually crave light meals after a workout because it seems strange to workout hard and counteract it with a heavy meal. After eating, we decided to head back to the gym and use the spa and the sauna. We ended up there until 8 and by the time we got home and settled in, it was 8:30. By bedtime at 10pm I was a bit hungry. I ate some nuts. I woke up at midnight and my stomach sounded like there was a herd of dinosaurs in it rumbling around. I was H.U.N.G.R.Y! And I woke up starving this morning.
So what do I do? How do I combat this hunger? Or do I just live with it? My hunger button is off naturally because I wasn't listening to it for so long when I was just eating whatever, whenever. Is this what it's supposed to be like?
If it helps, in the future, Pete and I would like to workout until 5:45 and head directly to the spa/sauna for 30 minutes afterwards and then eat something.
I'm welcoming any ideas!
Only Pete and I are sharing a trainer. I head there right after work and my workout is 5:15(ish) to 5:45. Since Pete isn't working, he takes the 30 minutes before me. So, uh, what do I do about dinner? Last night we ended up going to Subway across from the gym and bringing it home and eating. It was good. I intellectually crave light meals after a workout because it seems strange to workout hard and counteract it with a heavy meal. After eating, we decided to head back to the gym and use the spa and the sauna. We ended up there until 8 and by the time we got home and settled in, it was 8:30. By bedtime at 10pm I was a bit hungry. I ate some nuts. I woke up at midnight and my stomach sounded like there was a herd of dinosaurs in it rumbling around. I was H.U.N.G.R.Y! And I woke up starving this morning.
So what do I do? How do I combat this hunger? Or do I just live with it? My hunger button is off naturally because I wasn't listening to it for so long when I was just eating whatever, whenever. Is this what it's supposed to be like?
If it helps, in the future, Pete and I would like to workout until 5:45 and head directly to the spa/sauna for 30 minutes afterwards and then eat something.
I'm welcoming any ideas!
Monday, June 20, 2011
489, Not What You Thnk...
Thankfully I have not eaten so much that I now weigh 489 pounds.
Nope. This is post #489 on this blog for me.
Per the stats, I've been read in many different countries - UAE, Japan, China, Germany, Canada, and the US just to name a few. Most people read the blog from IE and Firefox next. And similarly most people use Windows vs Mac or other systems. Traffic sources are varied - some blogs I read, some sites I belong to and even some twitter sources. My most viewed post as of now is about Evernote. And lastly I got the most views in January 2011.
My first post was in August 2004 about nothing. But my intent on starting blogging was twofold. Firstly I love to journal and look back at those journals to remember the feelings and the things that I was going through. It lets me see how far I've come and that life will go on, no matter the issues I face at any given time. Secondly, I didn't have a close friend to share all this with. Sounds sad, huh? But really it's just who I was then and somewhat who I still am. I don't let people in very easily or often. The blog was and is and way to let it out to someone and not face the thought of getting hurt by what I say. I realize that when I made this public, I opened myself up to that, but thankfully it hasn't occurred.
So I'm thinking that sometime in July I'll have reached 500 posts. It will have taken me almost 7 years exactly to reach that. Some years I posted A LOT, and others I posted very little. But posting has now become a habit for me in the last couple of years and I post more often than not.
So here's to 490 coming soon...
Nope. This is post #489 on this blog for me.
Per the stats, I've been read in many different countries - UAE, Japan, China, Germany, Canada, and the US just to name a few. Most people read the blog from IE and Firefox next. And similarly most people use Windows vs Mac or other systems. Traffic sources are varied - some blogs I read, some sites I belong to and even some twitter sources. My most viewed post as of now is about Evernote. And lastly I got the most views in January 2011.
My first post was in August 2004 about nothing. But my intent on starting blogging was twofold. Firstly I love to journal and look back at those journals to remember the feelings and the things that I was going through. It lets me see how far I've come and that life will go on, no matter the issues I face at any given time. Secondly, I didn't have a close friend to share all this with. Sounds sad, huh? But really it's just who I was then and somewhat who I still am. I don't let people in very easily or often. The blog was and is and way to let it out to someone and not face the thought of getting hurt by what I say. I realize that when I made this public, I opened myself up to that, but thankfully it hasn't occurred.
So I'm thinking that sometime in July I'll have reached 500 posts. It will have taken me almost 7 years exactly to reach that. Some years I posted A LOT, and others I posted very little. But posting has now become a habit for me in the last couple of years and I post more often than not.
So here's to 490 coming soon...
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Facing my future
Do you watch Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution? I'm both horrified and amazed when I watch it. If not, go to ABC and watch the June 10th episode. It's powerful.
The show it's self is powerful in teaching you about food and where it comes from. It's certainly made me really think about whole, natural food from a source that I can verify. It's made me realize that the USDA and the government has regulations, but it doesn't necessarily mean that those regulations are protecting my body.
But more importantly, it has made me realize that I'm fighting the decisions I made as a teen and in looking at my parents/aunts & uncles and grandparents as my future if I don't make some real life changes. My mom has high blood pressure, chronic pain, is over weight, issues with vitamin deficiencies... My dad is diabetic, over weight, high blood pressure... My grandparents had stroke, high blood pressure, diabetic, some over weight... None of them wanted this. None of them thought they'd be in that place.
I can't help but think that this is my future unless I made real changes in how I treat my body. I see this 60+ year old Michelle as someone who is still overweight and struggling, high blood pressure (even though it's usually low now), diabetic, high cholesterol. Through tears, I can tell you that is not what I want. I have a different picture in my head of what my 60 year old self would look like and be able to do.
I need to fight with my 41 year old body. I need to fight with my 41 year old muscles. I need to fight with my 41 year old mind. I need to fight FOR my soul.
The show it's self is powerful in teaching you about food and where it comes from. It's certainly made me really think about whole, natural food from a source that I can verify. It's made me realize that the USDA and the government has regulations, but it doesn't necessarily mean that those regulations are protecting my body.
But more importantly, it has made me realize that I'm fighting the decisions I made as a teen and in looking at my parents/aunts & uncles and grandparents as my future if I don't make some real life changes. My mom has high blood pressure, chronic pain, is over weight, issues with vitamin deficiencies... My dad is diabetic, over weight, high blood pressure... My grandparents had stroke, high blood pressure, diabetic, some over weight... None of them wanted this. None of them thought they'd be in that place.
I can't help but think that this is my future unless I made real changes in how I treat my body. I see this 60+ year old Michelle as someone who is still overweight and struggling, high blood pressure (even though it's usually low now), diabetic, high cholesterol. Through tears, I can tell you that is not what I want. I have a different picture in my head of what my 60 year old self would look like and be able to do.
I need to fight with my 41 year old body. I need to fight with my 41 year old muscles. I need to fight with my 41 year old mind. I need to fight FOR my soul.
Friday, June 17, 2011
My 10 Pound Yo Yo - 235
235 again. And while it's a lowering of my number on the scale, it's somewhat frustrating.
I feel like I'm carrying around a 10 pound yo yo. Some weeks it's all wound up tight and I'm at 240. Other weeks it's all let out and I'm at 230. And still yet there are weeks where that yo yo is halfway up and I'm at 235.
I'm hoping the next 7 weeks will change this. I haven't been able to work out since last Friday. (I swear I could sleep 20/24 hours every day.) But it all changes on Monday. Pete and I start training with a new trainer on Monday. And it's going to be my 7 weeks of concerted effort to throw away my 10 pound yo yo.
I feel like I'm carrying around a 10 pound yo yo. Some weeks it's all wound up tight and I'm at 240. Other weeks it's all let out and I'm at 230. And still yet there are weeks where that yo yo is halfway up and I'm at 235.
I'm hoping the next 7 weeks will change this. I haven't been able to work out since last Friday. (I swear I could sleep 20/24 hours every day.) But it all changes on Monday. Pete and I start training with a new trainer on Monday. And it's going to be my 7 weeks of concerted effort to throw away my 10 pound yo yo.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
No Mono
I thought I had mono ya'll. Seriously. I have glands the size of jumbo eggs on the sides of my face, I'm tired as H. E. double hockey sticks and I've had a headache for the last week that I can't get rid of. So I went in to the doctor's office that I seem to be at a lot in the last year and saw one of the doctors. He too thought I had mono, as did the student intern (who appeared to be all of 12 years old and in middle school). So he they felt my glands, he they looked in my ears, he they checked out my throat and my nose. Then sent me for blood work.
Now I have to say that I am a very giving person. I'll go to many lengths to be generous because I like how it makes me feel on the inside. Giving blood? That's a different story all together. I'm stingy. I'm so stingy that I usually come home with both inner elbows and few spots on my arms looking like Dracula bit them 2 days ago. But this time was different. They have a new blood-drawer-needle-tube-thingy that made the process so much better and the plebotomist (look at that fancy $5 word!) was an angel sent from above to painlessly collect some cells. Afterwards she sent me back to my room to wait for the doctor (and hiskid intern) to bring me my results.
You wanna know something funny? While waiting my phone dinged, telling me I had an email. So I opened it. It. Was. My. Test. Results. Seriously! I got my test results from my lab, by email in about 5 minutes. Which would have been great if I A) Knew how to read them. and B) It didn't take the doctor and hiskid intern 20 additional minutes to return to me.
Anyway, no mono. Which is good, because then I don't have to explain to Pete who else I was kissing since it is known as the Kissing Disease. Just kidding honey! What's not so great is that I have no concrete explanation for the headaches, the tiredness and the eggs strapped to my jaws. So it's another round of steroids to clear up the mystery virus. Who knows, maybe this time I'll really fly like Superman on them instead of feeling crappy like I usually do.
Now I have to say that I am a very giving person. I'll go to many lengths to be generous because I like how it makes me feel on the inside. Giving blood? That's a different story all together. I'm stingy. I'm so stingy that I usually come home with both inner elbows and few spots on my arms looking like Dracula bit them 2 days ago. But this time was different. They have a new blood-drawer-needle-tube-thingy that made the process so much better and the plebotomist (look at that fancy $5 word!) was an angel sent from above to painlessly collect some cells. Afterwards she sent me back to my room to wait for the doctor (and his
You wanna know something funny? While waiting my phone dinged, telling me I had an email. So I opened it. It. Was. My. Test. Results. Seriously! I got my test results from my lab, by email in about 5 minutes. Which would have been great if I A) Knew how to read them. and B) It didn't take the doctor and his
Anyway, no mono. Which is good, because then I don't have to explain to Pete who else I was kissing since it is known as the Kissing Disease. Just kidding honey! What's not so great is that I have no concrete explanation for the headaches, the tiredness and the eggs strapped to my jaws. So it's another round of steroids to clear up the mystery virus. Who knows, maybe this time I'll really fly like Superman on them instead of feeling crappy like I usually do.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Facebook and Family
I've said it here before, my Mom and I didn't have the best relationship as I was growing up. In fact it was hard. The ups and downs have lasted into my adulthood. It's not that I don't love her, because I do and I believe that she loves me. And I truly think that she did the best that she could in her decisions at the time that she made them.
I think that our youth colors how we react to things as adults. I think that we want the better for our children than we had as children. Yet, there are times when adults make mistakes and are unable to see them based on their past. From the conversations that I've had with my Mom about her childhood, I believe that she raised my sister and I trying to counteract her childhood and the decisions my grandparents made with her and her siblings.
It took me until I was about 30 for me to realize that she did the best that she could and I needed to understand that. It took me until I was about 35 for me to realize that I need to make ME happy and hope that she understood and supported me. I spent too many years hoping for the relationship that you see on TV, only to realize that it's not going to happen and to enjoy what we do have.
So you can see that the relationship that I have with her now is colored by our past together. And yet, we do ok. We talk weekly, we share things and I think that she has come to the realization that I am my own person and she needs to accept that. She's also admitted that some of things that she did in the past were wrong, but that she didn't know any better. And more importantly she's apologized to my husband for something she did.
In the last couple of years my Mom has commented several times about Facebook. Either asking what my cousins were doing (because we no longer see them very much) or asking about what my brother in law put on there about my niece & nephew or other things. In the back of my mind I've been fearful of her joining and I'd gloss over the details of things when she asked in the hopes that she wouldn't join.
Well, she did. And I thought it was the end of the world. I thought about limiting what she saw in the hopes that it would mean she wasn't asking questions about things or making comments about choices I made. But I realized that it was more work than I wanted to put in. For the first week I really considered what I wrote and commented on. Then I decided to let it go. I don't say things on Facebook that I wouldn't say in real life. I am an adult who can make adult decisions. I let it go.
Then I didn't hear from her for a couple of weeks. When I called her I asked her how she was doing because we hadn't talked in a few weeks. She said the most amazing thing. "Honey I feel like we talk every day on Facebook." As we talked more about Facebook she said that I posted some funny things and that she felt like she was seeing a whole new side to me.
The conversation was a good one and it really made me think. I was reminded that I only show certain people a little part of me, the part that I wanted them to see. I do this so that I'm protected and I won't get hurt by showing all of me. I must do the same thing with my parents. On Facebook I likely do the same thing, only there are so many different parts of my world on there, I likely show the most (aside from Pete) there. She likely sees more of the complete me on Facebook than she's ever seen. And she's happy about it. She likes it.
I've been thinking about this ever since that conversation. Maybe my family being part of Facebook isn't so bad after all.
I think that our youth colors how we react to things as adults. I think that we want the better for our children than we had as children. Yet, there are times when adults make mistakes and are unable to see them based on their past. From the conversations that I've had with my Mom about her childhood, I believe that she raised my sister and I trying to counteract her childhood and the decisions my grandparents made with her and her siblings.
It took me until I was about 30 for me to realize that she did the best that she could and I needed to understand that. It took me until I was about 35 for me to realize that I need to make ME happy and hope that she understood and supported me. I spent too many years hoping for the relationship that you see on TV, only to realize that it's not going to happen and to enjoy what we do have.
So you can see that the relationship that I have with her now is colored by our past together. And yet, we do ok. We talk weekly, we share things and I think that she has come to the realization that I am my own person and she needs to accept that. She's also admitted that some of things that she did in the past were wrong, but that she didn't know any better. And more importantly she's apologized to my husband for something she did.
In the last couple of years my Mom has commented several times about Facebook. Either asking what my cousins were doing (because we no longer see them very much) or asking about what my brother in law put on there about my niece & nephew or other things. In the back of my mind I've been fearful of her joining and I'd gloss over the details of things when she asked in the hopes that she wouldn't join.
Well, she did. And I thought it was the end of the world. I thought about limiting what she saw in the hopes that it would mean she wasn't asking questions about things or making comments about choices I made. But I realized that it was more work than I wanted to put in. For the first week I really considered what I wrote and commented on. Then I decided to let it go. I don't say things on Facebook that I wouldn't say in real life. I am an adult who can make adult decisions. I let it go.
Then I didn't hear from her for a couple of weeks. When I called her I asked her how she was doing because we hadn't talked in a few weeks. She said the most amazing thing. "Honey I feel like we talk every day on Facebook." As we talked more about Facebook she said that I posted some funny things and that she felt like she was seeing a whole new side to me.
The conversation was a good one and it really made me think. I was reminded that I only show certain people a little part of me, the part that I wanted them to see. I do this so that I'm protected and I won't get hurt by showing all of me. I must do the same thing with my parents. On Facebook I likely do the same thing, only there are so many different parts of my world on there, I likely show the most (aside from Pete) there. She likely sees more of the complete me on Facebook than she's ever seen. And she's happy about it. She likes it.
I've been thinking about this ever since that conversation. Maybe my family being part of Facebook isn't so bad after all.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Summer Blogging
My admission: Summer blogging is more widespread for me. It's not that I don't blog in the summer, it's that my schedule of work and play and errands and working out is so different than the winter, that I sometimes don't blog on Fridays or Mondays. But I'm still here!
My second admission: I have a blogging app on my phone and I don't use it often enough. But my goal is to be better about it this summer.
I've kind of gotten away from the Mid Week With Pete posts. He's been pretty stable in food and weight lately. He's figuring out what his body means when it does certain things and how he needs to respond. I'm really glad. He's gone from BMI of 44 to 30 as of yesterday. However, it's still considered obese by the standards. He's 6'1 and 227 pounds. He's in a large t shirt and 36 jeans. Awesome! They want him to be at 167 pounds, but I think it's too thin for his frame and so does he. So he's going to work on muscle building and not focus so much on the weight, but rather the BMI number.
Can I tell you a secret? He is 1 pound away from losing 100. Seriously. In 6 months he's lost 100 (almost) pounds. People keep telling him that they almost don't recognize him. People keep telling him that he looks great and that he's skinny. And it's very interesting. Because as soon as they tell him all that and see me standing there, they tell me that I look good too. I'm wary of this. I can't tell if it's a "pity" statement or a real one. And to be honest I'm afraid to ask. But ti does make me want to try harder with the gym again.
My second admission: I have a blogging app on my phone and I don't use it often enough. But my goal is to be better about it this summer.
I've kind of gotten away from the Mid Week With Pete posts. He's been pretty stable in food and weight lately. He's figuring out what his body means when it does certain things and how he needs to respond. I'm really glad. He's gone from BMI of 44 to 30 as of yesterday. However, it's still considered obese by the standards. He's 6'1 and 227 pounds. He's in a large t shirt and 36 jeans. Awesome! They want him to be at 167 pounds, but I think it's too thin for his frame and so does he. So he's going to work on muscle building and not focus so much on the weight, but rather the BMI number.
Can I tell you a secret? He is 1 pound away from losing 100. Seriously. In 6 months he's lost 100 (almost) pounds. People keep telling him that they almost don't recognize him. People keep telling him that he looks great and that he's skinny. And it's very interesting. Because as soon as they tell him all that and see me standing there, they tell me that I look good too. I'm wary of this. I can't tell if it's a "pity" statement or a real one. And to be honest I'm afraid to ask. But ti does make me want to try harder with the gym again.
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Co-Personal Training?
Last week I signed Pete and I up for a co-training session at the gym. Then I came home and told him about it while he was a bit sleepy. Then I had to remind him several times during the week that I had done this. I did it for several reasons.
1. I am more motivated to a workout schedule if I'm involved in a class that I pay for or training that I pay for. I want to get my money's worth.
2. Personal training really helped me in the last year. It gave me the tools to strength train on my own after we had built up some of my muscles and figured out the correct form and motion of the weights.
3. It gave me a goal to work toward of building up muscles in certain areas.
4. I wanted Pete to have the same as the above 3 things.
5. Pete lifts weights on his own, but focuses solely on his arms and chest. I tried several times to get him to do my workouts with me so it was a total body work out and I am obviously not a good personal trainer for him.
6. Pete wants to get his core strengthened so that it doesn't hurt (because that's where the port is attached to his body) when he exercises. To do that he needs to go about it slowly and accurately. I trainer can help with that.
7. Pete gets easily frustrated by the guys in the weights area that hog the space and hog the weights. A trainer is somewhat like a buffer and has no issue with telling the hoggers to give it up for others and be respectful.
8. In the end we would both have 7 workouts written down to recreate for ourselves in the gym at later dates.
9. I want to be healthy and happy.
10. I want Pete to be healthy and happy.
There are my reasons. I purposely picked a trainer that Pete liked. One that was encouraging, but not too forceful and wouldn't let Pete get away with anything either. He is actually the head trainer. Only he picked a different trainer for us, saying that the fit would be better. I was initially disappointed. But Pete seemed to click with him also and I don't think that he would let Pete get away with anything.
We spent 30 minutes doing a workout together. When I did an exercise, Pete did a different one and at other times we were doing the same thing. For instance we both did wall squats together. But while I was doing standing body rows, Pete was holding a plank. However long it took me to to do 12 rows was how long Pete had to hold his. It worked out ok, but clearly we have different strengths and limitations. Ultimately we decided to buy a package of sessions and split them so that we each get half. Unfortunately it's expensive and we can't/should really be spending that much with Pete out of work. But...and it's a big but...I want Pete to have the structure and he would never agree to do it unless I did it also.
So even though we're not co-personal training, we're personal training. And at some point I think it would be a good thing to train together. I look at it as something that would be an us time in a healthy way. Something that would give us a really close connection helping each other work out. And honestly, I would be kind of sexy to see him with some bulging muscles, all sweaty and lookin' good. (too much information? lol)
1. I am more motivated to a workout schedule if I'm involved in a class that I pay for or training that I pay for. I want to get my money's worth.
2. Personal training really helped me in the last year. It gave me the tools to strength train on my own after we had built up some of my muscles and figured out the correct form and motion of the weights.
3. It gave me a goal to work toward of building up muscles in certain areas.
4. I wanted Pete to have the same as the above 3 things.
5. Pete lifts weights on his own, but focuses solely on his arms and chest. I tried several times to get him to do my workouts with me so it was a total body work out and I am obviously not a good personal trainer for him.
6. Pete wants to get his core strengthened so that it doesn't hurt (because that's where the port is attached to his body) when he exercises. To do that he needs to go about it slowly and accurately. I trainer can help with that.
7. Pete gets easily frustrated by the guys in the weights area that hog the space and hog the weights. A trainer is somewhat like a buffer and has no issue with telling the hoggers to give it up for others and be respectful.
8. In the end we would both have 7 workouts written down to recreate for ourselves in the gym at later dates.
9. I want to be healthy and happy.
10. I want Pete to be healthy and happy.
There are my reasons. I purposely picked a trainer that Pete liked. One that was encouraging, but not too forceful and wouldn't let Pete get away with anything either. He is actually the head trainer. Only he picked a different trainer for us, saying that the fit would be better. I was initially disappointed. But Pete seemed to click with him also and I don't think that he would let Pete get away with anything.
We spent 30 minutes doing a workout together. When I did an exercise, Pete did a different one and at other times we were doing the same thing. For instance we both did wall squats together. But while I was doing standing body rows, Pete was holding a plank. However long it took me to to do 12 rows was how long Pete had to hold his. It worked out ok, but clearly we have different strengths and limitations. Ultimately we decided to buy a package of sessions and split them so that we each get half. Unfortunately it's expensive and we can't/should really be spending that much with Pete out of work. But...and it's a big but...I want Pete to have the structure and he would never agree to do it unless I did it also.
So even though we're not co-personal training, we're personal training. And at some point I think it would be a good thing to train together. I look at it as something that would be an us time in a healthy way. Something that would give us a really close connection helping each other work out. And honestly, I would be kind of sexy to see him with some bulging muscles, all sweaty and lookin' good. (too much information? lol)
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
My Incomplete Letter To Me
For the last year I've seen bloggers writing letters to themselves when they were kids. Brad Paisley wrote a song all about writing a letter to his younger self. It's made me think about what things I'd tell myself as a kid. I've started and stopped many a letter to myself in the last year. Some were handwritten, some were typed on the computer and some were made in my head. Yet none of them seems to capture what I really want to say.
I want to tell my younger self so many things. Mostly I want to tell myself that everything will eventually work out. That I can survive the worst of the worst and be happy with the best of the best. I want to tell myself to take more chances and regret less. I want to tell myself to really think about health and weight and exercise. I want to tell myself that it's ok to ask for help and get help; everyone does it. I want to tell myself to learn to put my needs first because no one else can make me happy. I want to tell myself to open my heart and let love in. I want to tell myself that life may not turn out like I planned it at 5, but it's ok.
I think my original list was almost 50 items long. Although I'm not posting them all here, the point is that I recognize them. I understand them. I learn from them NOW. It's amazing that at 41, I am still learning about the me now and the me then. Pete and I were talking last night about a child in our lives. I explained that I was that messy, emotional teen age girl. I'd have something wrong and cry and cry and my parents would have to pull out of me what was actually wrong. Pete mentioned that I still do that at times and he has to pull out of me what is wrong. I realized that I don't often times share my worries and concerns because I don't want to impose on others. And it occurred to me that I don't open up, but exhibit outward signs of distress as a test. A test to see who in my life will notice and ask me. As if only those who ask really care about me. I admitted this to Pete and he agreed.
Now what do I do with this? I keep figuring things out. I keep using the information to push forward. And I regroup and be a better me
I want to tell my younger self so many things. Mostly I want to tell myself that everything will eventually work out. That I can survive the worst of the worst and be happy with the best of the best. I want to tell myself to take more chances and regret less. I want to tell myself to really think about health and weight and exercise. I want to tell myself that it's ok to ask for help and get help; everyone does it. I want to tell myself to learn to put my needs first because no one else can make me happy. I want to tell myself to open my heart and let love in. I want to tell myself that life may not turn out like I planned it at 5, but it's ok.
I think my original list was almost 50 items long. Although I'm not posting them all here, the point is that I recognize them. I understand them. I learn from them NOW. It's amazing that at 41, I am still learning about the me now and the me then. Pete and I were talking last night about a child in our lives. I explained that I was that messy, emotional teen age girl. I'd have something wrong and cry and cry and my parents would have to pull out of me what was actually wrong. Pete mentioned that I still do that at times and he has to pull out of me what is wrong. I realized that I don't often times share my worries and concerns because I don't want to impose on others. And it occurred to me that I don't open up, but exhibit outward signs of distress as a test. A test to see who in my life will notice and ask me. As if only those who ask really care about me. I admitted this to Pete and he agreed.
Now what do I do with this? I keep figuring things out. I keep using the information to push forward. And I regroup and be a better me
Monday, June 06, 2011
237 and Camping Success
This is my summer weekend home:
It's a Time Out Camper. It's about 5'x4' when it's folded up and Pete pulls it behind his motorcycle. When it's folded out it's about 5'x14'. It's pretty cool to think that we can put all the things that we need for a 2-3 week trip in that camper and on the motorcycles and just go.
We belong to a motorcycle club that id very different than the 'gangs' you see on TV. Firstly, they allow women to become members. I'm no one's property and I won't be part of an organization that doesn't allow women. Secondly, they don't allow any drugs or alcohol. Motorcyclng is dangerous as it is and I wasn't interested in being around a bunch of people who were drinking and getting on motorcycles next to me. And the best part is that in this club Pete and I have found many great friends.
The club has many different chapters all over MN and WI. During the summer each chapter plans and hosts a camping weekend. It's awesome. We see all kinds of places in MN, ride all over the state and have fun with these people. So when I say that the camper is my weekend summer home I really mean it. I think there are 2, maybe 3, weekends this summer that we aren't spending in the camper. And I love it. It relaxes me and chills me out and refreshes me and a whole host of other things. I love sleeping next to Pete in the outdoors and hearing on the summer sounds of frogs and crickets and animals and seeing the stars and occasionally the lighting show from a passing storm. I love it when it's warm and the windows stay open and when it's cold and we snuggle under the covers.
This weekend we did things a bit differently. Usually the host chapter provides all the food, other than one big meal. Only this means junk. Candy, popcorn, Ho-Ho's, cookies, fried donuts, sodas, hot dogs, chili... And in the past Pete and I joined right in. We'd get up and go out for breakfast at 7 and spend all day eating junk. Not this year. I packed a cooler of bags of fresh fruit (THANK YOU COSTCO MEMBERSHIP!) like strawberries, kiwis, blueberries, grapes and watermelon. I also had bags of shelled pistachios and mini peanut butter pretzels in 1 serving bags. I had sugar free jello and puddings for Pete and greek yogurt for me. We stuck to water and put the sugar free flavorings from Target in them. And when we did go out to eat, Pete and I split meals to save calories and because really we don't need full meals.
The result? I lost weight over the weekend. A pound, but still. I'm so happy that this worked out.
 |
| I'm always working on organizing to get away from the mess! |
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| Looking out the door from the bed. |
We belong to a motorcycle club that id very different than the 'gangs' you see on TV. Firstly, they allow women to become members. I'm no one's property and I won't be part of an organization that doesn't allow women. Secondly, they don't allow any drugs or alcohol. Motorcyclng is dangerous as it is and I wasn't interested in being around a bunch of people who were drinking and getting on motorcycles next to me. And the best part is that in this club Pete and I have found many great friends.
The club has many different chapters all over MN and WI. During the summer each chapter plans and hosts a camping weekend. It's awesome. We see all kinds of places in MN, ride all over the state and have fun with these people. So when I say that the camper is my weekend summer home I really mean it. I think there are 2, maybe 3, weekends this summer that we aren't spending in the camper. And I love it. It relaxes me and chills me out and refreshes me and a whole host of other things. I love sleeping next to Pete in the outdoors and hearing on the summer sounds of frogs and crickets and animals and seeing the stars and occasionally the lighting show from a passing storm. I love it when it's warm and the windows stay open and when it's cold and we snuggle under the covers.
This weekend we did things a bit differently. Usually the host chapter provides all the food, other than one big meal. Only this means junk. Candy, popcorn, Ho-Ho's, cookies, fried donuts, sodas, hot dogs, chili... And in the past Pete and I joined right in. We'd get up and go out for breakfast at 7 and spend all day eating junk. Not this year. I packed a cooler of bags of fresh fruit (THANK YOU COSTCO MEMBERSHIP!) like strawberries, kiwis, blueberries, grapes and watermelon. I also had bags of shelled pistachios and mini peanut butter pretzels in 1 serving bags. I had sugar free jello and puddings for Pete and greek yogurt for me. We stuck to water and put the sugar free flavorings from Target in them. And when we did go out to eat, Pete and I split meals to save calories and because really we don't need full meals.
The result? I lost weight over the weekend. A pound, but still. I'm so happy that this worked out.
Thursday, June 02, 2011
My Plate
This is the new guidelines from the USDA on eating. When I was a kid I learned this:
Starches on the bottom meant that you were to eat more grains and starches than anything. Can you say Hello Carbs? Then fruits and veggies to the tune of about -7 servings a day. Then protein & dairy and last oils and fats. Seemed simple at the time.
Then kids got this:
So now we are back to the plate. Check out Choose My Plate by USDA for more information about the new graphic. It looks more like a meal and I think that visually it's easier to understand how much of each meal should be in each group. It's similar to the plate that Pete got while he was going through the process for his band. It's much like the divided plates and containers that you get with the lunch systems and Zip Loc containers.
I think it's an improvement - you?
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