Tuesday, June 07, 2011

My Incomplete Letter To Me

For the last year I've seen bloggers writing letters to themselves when they were kids.  Brad Paisley wrote a song all about writing a letter to his younger self.  It's made me think about what things I'd tell myself as a kid.  I've started and stopped many a letter to myself in the last year.  Some were handwritten, some were typed on the computer and some were made in my head.  Yet none of them seems to capture what I really want to say.

I want to tell my younger self so many things.  Mostly I want to tell myself that everything will eventually work out.  That I can survive the worst of the worst and be happy with the best of the best.  I want to tell myself to take more chances and regret less.  I want to tell myself to really think about health and weight and exercise.  I want to tell myself that it's ok to ask for help and get help; everyone does it.  I want to tell myself to learn to put my needs first because no one else can make me happy.  I want to tell myself to open my heart and let love in.  I want to tell myself that life may not turn out like I planned it at 5, but it's ok. 

I think my original list was almost 50 items long.  Although I'm not posting them all here, the point is that I recognize them.  I understand them.  I learn from them NOW.  It's amazing that at 41, I am still learning about the me now and the me then.  Pete and I were talking last night about a child in our lives.  I explained that I was that messy, emotional teen age girl.  I'd have something wrong and cry and cry and my parents would have to pull out of me what was actually wrong.  Pete mentioned that I still do that at times and he has to pull out of me what is wrong.  I realized that I don't often times share my worries and concerns because I don't want to impose on others.  And it occurred to me that I don't open up, but exhibit outward signs of distress as a test.  A test to see who in my life will notice and ask me.  As if only those who ask really care about me.  I admitted this to Pete and he agreed.

Now what do I do with this? I keep figuring things out.  I keep using the information to push forward.  And I regroup and be a better me

1 comment:

  1. Sending lots of love and support. Figuring it out is so difficult. We all know the basics of eating healthy and working out - it's the emotional work that's so taxing, and necessary. Keep on keepin' on, lady. We all support you and are going through the SAME thing!