Randomness

1.  Pete and I had our nieces Alison (8) and Allie(5) and nephew Grant (5) over this weekend.  Matthew(12) has gone camping with us on the motorcycles because he's tall enough to ride.  This weekend was an attempt to even up time spent.

2.  We made cupcakes & frosted them.  Made banana bread.  Decorated Vanetine boxes to take the goodies home in.  Got silly banz and lipgloss/chapstick.  Played Wii. Colored lots of pieces of paper and wrote stories.  Listened to Pete and Grant's dueling harmonicas.  Make our own indivudal pizzas.  Watched Ramona & Beezus.  Ate Pete's Ice Cream Pancakes and bacon.  Ticked, giggled, talked, cuddled, cried, whined, tattled, joked, smiled, slept...

3.  The only evidence of all of this is the random juice cup I found in the upstairs hallway and the million piceces of paper (see #2) taped up all over the house.

4.  (Putting on my flame proof suit) I sometimes get irritated with Moms and Dads who have kids call to them repeatedly, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!" before they answer.  Then we have the kids over and I remember what it's like to be mentally exhausted and unable to answer everything, all the time.

5.  I was so tired I was in bed by 8pm last night.

6.  I'd do it all over again.

Alison (8), Allie (5) and Grant (5) sitting on the playground motorcycle that one of Pete's former customers gave him. 

240 and feeling like I'm failing.

240 this morning.  I lost that 236 feeling again.  (I sound like Maverick & Goose from Top Gun.)

Between the sinus infection from hell and the 3 days migraine, working out this week was impossible.  The sinus infection is mostly gone and I'm on a new med to hopefully prevent additional ones.  The migraine is mostly gone, but I had to drink 1 and a half 20 ounce bottles of soda (yuck!) with the medication per the doctor's orders. 

Ah, so there are my excuses.  And there you go.  I feel like I'm failing.  I'm not losing, I'm gaining.  In my logical head I know that it will turn around once I get a good week of working out in and rid my body of the soda.  My non logical/emotional brain keeps yelling "YOU'RE FAILING!!!!!!".  Quite a little war in there, huh?

Goal Check:
Remember these?  I'm not doing so great. 
1.  Lose 15 pounds by 3/22.  I can still do this.  I just need to recommit.
2.  Work out 16 days in January.  Not gonna happen.  I spent a week in bed with a sinus infection and the last 4 days laying around with a migraine.
3.  Eating.  I suck at tracking.  I suck at the goal of journaling too.

So what am I going to do?  I'm going to take my own advice.  Small goals.  Small.

I told Pete this morning that my goal for next week is 5 days working out.  I already have to be at the gym Monday morning because I have a fitness test with my trainer.  I can do cardio afterwards.  I have to be at the gym Tuesday morning for our last workout together.  And I have to be at the gym Friday morning for kettlebells.  So that's 3/5.  All I have to do is add in 2 additional days.  That's my small goal.  I'm going to focus on that and only that for the next week and see how that goes.  If I accomplish it, I can then start a new small goal.

Mid Week With Pete

Sunday morning when we got up Pete sat on the bed and asked me a question.  He said that he hated doing this, but needed some help.  I was unsure what he was going to say and in the end he asked me to dish up his plate for meals we ate at home.  I have to admit I was conflicted, but agreed to do so.

After seeing the nutritionist for this surgery he came home with something like this plate.  I suggested then that he use it.  He was resistive.  I think it was more about laziness.  However, after our conversation this weekend I no longer think that.

Pete struggles with the same thing that I do.  His need for a clean plate and not to waste food.  I'm much better about this when we eat out - I hardly ever finish everything on my plate.  At home I still struggle with this.  One way that I get around it is that Pete always has me dish up first.  He almost always takes the left over food.  For a while I was dishing up a portion of each item for me to take for lunch the next day, but recently that has been sporadic.  By default, Pete is the one who sees the left over food and thinks that it's 'just a little more' and that he needs to take it so food doesn't go to waste.  Maybe a better solution is me dishing up that portion for work the next day and Pete dishing up his portion next?

So for Sunday dinner and Monday dinner I did a couple of things.  I either dished up his plate or I only left what would be a portion for him so that he didn't have to worry about leaving things.  I'm hoping that he can work with the second way because I feel somewhat like a parent to him dishing up his plate.

In good news, he is done with the calls for the insurance company.  They will send their report to the doctor.  Now he meets with the sleep study doctor and with the psychologist this week.  He's getting closer.

Dinner -> Lunch

Saturday night Pete and I went out to eat.  Generally I've been trying to do things like only eat 1/2 of what I order and order things without sauces and extras.  I ended up with a flatbread sandwich filled out grilled chicken, mushrooms, a bit of feta and roasted red peppers, Greek style.  It came with a salad and I was disappointed that it didn't come from fries, to be honest.  But once I got that Greek salad - wow!  It was lettuces, feta, kalamata olives, perpperocini,tomatoes, red onions and covered in a light dressing.  I devoured the whole salad and 1/2 the sandwich.

So Sunday when I went grocery shopping I thought about how to do that at home.  I bought chicken, baby red potatoes, Greek seasonings, lemon, kalamata olives, pepperocini, shallots, feta, mushrooms, lettuces, cucumber and tomatoes. 

I marinated the chicken in a teaspoon of minced garlic, 1 T olive oil, the juice of one lemon and 4 chopped pepperocini along with 1 T Greek seasoning I found in the spice aisle.  Then I made a salad with all the veggies & olives.  I squeezed lemon over it and 3 T greek dressing that I had in the fridge.  I coated the quartered potatoes in 2 T olive oil, 1 T minced garlic and 1 T chopped rosemary.  I roasted them in the oven at 450 for 20 minutes, until they were browned.  I cooked the chicken on my cast iron grill pan.

We had the grilled chicken, roasted potatoes and the salad for dinner and it was great!

One trick I do it I take my lunch portion of the the food before we dish out servings up.  I also cut the meat in smaller pieces before I cook it so that it looks like there are more pieces. It make it look like less food is there and we take less/keep portions down.  I made myself a huge salad, just like ours for lunch on Tuesday.  I put 1/4 of the large chicken breast in a bag with 3/4 cup potatoes.

Yesterday for lunch I had the potatoes, the chicken I cut up, both cold.  On top of those I added 3 mushrooms copped up, 12 kalmata olives, 1/8 cup feta, chopped shallots, and 1/4 cup canned artichokes.  I added 3 T greek dressing and mixed it all up.  It was so good!

Do you plan your lunches so that you use leftovers from dinner or do you eat an entirely new meal at lunch?

Grocery Shopping

Yesterday I did something that I dislike doing.  I went to the grocery store without a list.  My usual Sunday routine is hitting the gym at 7am for a good cardio workout.  Coming home and having a quick breakfast of Fage yogurt with low sugar orange marmalade and dried cranberries and some coffee.  While I eat, I check out the online grocery sites and develop 4-5 weekly meal plans from what is on sale.  I started using Evernote for my recipes so I plan from the recipes on there and somewhat from my head.  I made a list, print out any coupons and head to the grocery store. 

I have to admit that I think I over spend at times, but I'm getting better.  It's about $100-$120/week for Pete and I.  That includes dinners and lunches for both of us and snacks.  I don't go out to eat a work, except for a few occasions.  Pete is currently out of work and he's home for lunch also.  I've learned that I don't shop in the center part of the store.  Other than a few things like olives, some spaghetti sauce, canned tomatoes in the winter, Pete's cereal...  I try to stick to fresh produce, meat, dairy and some frozen.

I think that a good shopping trip is one in which I spend 20%-30% in fresh produce.  Thinks like peppers to cut up and snack on, Granny Smith apples for Pete to use his apple peeler thing, fresh brussels sprouts, lettuces, onions,tomatoes, fruit in season...  We snack on that a lot and I am all about making sure we have veggies at every meal, even if it's a pack of frozen veggies steamed in the microwave.

Anyway, I never got to make that list yesterday I did it off the top of my head.  I don't think that I bought too many extras, but I certainly bought things that we already had because I didn't check first.  And i noticed that it took me about 1/3 more time than it usually does because I was going back & forth getting things that I only realized we needed once I decided what to have for dinners in the meat isle.

So how do you all shop?  Lists?  No list?  Coupons? (I can't seem to make them work for us for he most part - it's all boxed meals) Sales?

Prior Fat Girls Event from 1/15/11

Shhh, don't look now, but I survived week 2 of kettlebells.  And I can walk.  Upright!

So last weekend I went to the 2nd Prior Fat Girl event.  I had lots of thoughts rolling around in my head about the speakers and their information.  But I got home and went right to bed for a few hours.  Have I mentioned that I've been fighting this sinus thing since Thanksgiving?  I've had 3 rounds of antibiotics.  It gets better, but never fully goes away.  So I made an appointment with a specialist in the next week.  Anyway, after I got up I spent about an hour typing in a blog post on my cute little netbook.  Then something funky happened and it disappeared.  I put the netbook down and went back to bed.

I did learn a lot.  A few things that I have already put into place.  Things like do one small thing, but do it well.  Have snacks pre-portioned and ready to go in your fridge/drawers.  Journal about what you're doing.  And there are others floating in my head.  For a great reap of the information, check out Kris' Journal to Health.  She did a great job with all the information presented.  Or check out http://www.fatlittlelegs.com/2011/01/first-i-survived-and-then-i-thrived.html, http://www.sabrinaisonthemove.net/2011/01/live-from-minnesota.html, http://www.priorfatguy.com/2011/01/what-a-weekend/ or even http://www.priorfatgirl.com/2011/01/a-recap-lessons-learned.html.  They all have awesome recaps of the event in their own way.  Actually it's kind of cool to see how each person remembered the event and what they chose to focus on and take away from it.

ME?  I not only learned things from the event, but I have a whole new group of blogs to read.

The 235 Feeling.

Two. Thirty. Six.

I think I broke through my plateau.  Everyone has them, right?  For the longest time now I've been at 238 and unable to change it no matter that I did.  But I got on that scale (I only weigh myself on Fridays) and found that magical number below an 8.

The last time I was here was in early 2008.  I had spent all of November and December working my "you know what" off at the gym we belonged to.  I wasn't watching my eating, but I was working out a lot.  Me and the elliptical machine were best friends for about 45 minutes a night, 4-5 nights a week.  And actually now that I think about it, I was kind of watching what I was eating.  Pete and I would come home from work and head to the gym.  We'd spend about an hour there working out.  Then we'd walk 2 stores down and have a 6 inch sub at Subway.  That was dinner 4-5 nights a week.

During that time I got to 235.  At 235 I felt good.  I can remember the feeling now, that's how strong it was.  I'm ashamed to say that I forgot all about that 235 feeling.  The empowerment.  The accomplishment. The satisfaction.  The energy.  I felt like I could do anything during that time.  Instead of sitting in the living room on a Saturday morning I'd choose to go to the garage and get on the treadmill to walk/run. 

Let me say that again...I choose to exercise.  It really is all about choices.  Most choices are small, but they are choices.  Those little choices, over time, make a big difference.  So my choice this day, this week, this year is to be healthy. 

Jornaling? Blogging? Both? Neither?

I've been watching Biggest Loser this season.  Despite my misgivings over the concept.  It's great that they're losing weight, but the way they're doing it is hardly sustainable.  No one has the ability to work out 4-8 hours a day and limit their calories to 1200 for the rest of their lives.  Losing 21 pounds in a week is not only not sustainable, but from everything I've read, unhealthy and hard on your body.  I've read some articles from prior contestants who say that it saved their life, but I've also read some who have said that they came out of it with an eating disorder.

The one thing that keeps jumping out at me though it the emotional side of it.  It's something that Jen from Prior Fat Girl has talked about.  It's something that I've read on Becoming an Ex Yo-Yo Dieter and it's something that I've read about on Twelve In Twelve.  I'm sure there are many other bloggers out there who have talked about it too.

I wonder if my emotions have a part in my struggle?  Actually I know that they somehow do because I can just feel it when I talk about the subject. One of the things that Paul talked about at the Prior Fat Girl Event this past weekend was journaling.  You'd think that as a blogger I'd have a good record with journalling.  You'd think that I'd have completed journals all over my house documenting my past and new ones waiting for my future.  But that's very far from the truth.

I kept a diary in elementary school.  Only I stopped when my Mom started saying things that lead me to think she was reading it.  In high school I started writing letters when I was upset, angry or hurt and leaving them in a box in my room.  And unofficial journal of sorts.  Again there were things that my Mom said that made me think she was reading them.  In college English class I HAD to keep a journal.  It wasn't read by the professor, but each day was checked off that we at least wrote something and it keyed in on the importance of creating a habit by doing so.  Only my college roommate read it and used some of the information against me.

To this day I struggle with keeping a written journal.  I 've bought little leather books with 'journal' tooled into the front.  I've bought plain notebooks of all sizes.  I've bought blank books that I can doodle or write in.  I've bought index cards, one for each day, and a card holder.  You name it, I've bought it.  I start off good and after about 2-3 weeks I lose interest.  Maybe it's the action of writing versus typing.  Maybe it's the idea that I can't really change a journal, but I can change the blog look when I need.  Maybe it's the fact that a journal cam be found and an online blog is somewhat anonymous to my close friends and family.

But, both Paul and others at the event talked about journalling your food, how you're feeling when you eat and when you're done and your emotions.  So my goal this week is to start again with another cute little book, a favorite pen and see how it goes.

Mid Week With Pete

Pete is below 300 pounds.  I'm excited for him, even if he is a bit reserved about it.

He went to his behavioral health appointment yesterday.  It's the last thing that he needs to complete (other than the insurance phone calls) before he can schedule the surgery.  He came away frustrated and I don't blame him.

First of all, he's had the appointment for about 60 days.  The mental health clinics around here schedule out that far.  He went to the appointment early, just as they told him to.  When he got there, there receptionist told him that they had double booked the appointment time.  He was angry.  They told him to have a seat and see if the other person showed for the time slot and to see what the doctor had to say about trying to fit him in.  The other person did show up and told the receptionist that she no longer wanted the surgery, but wanted to see the doctor about her overeating.  Again Pete was angry.  Then they came out to Pete and told him that the doctor would not be able to fit him into the schedule.  The whole exchange left a bad taste in his mouth for the clinic and the way they handled it.

Then they informed him that he could reschedule with the doctor for his appointment*s*.  Appointments?  It turns out that Pete will meet with the doctor initially and talk about his plan for the surgery.  Then he'll have to take the MMPI test.  Then he goes back for a session with the doctor for follow up questions about the testing results.  Then he has a final appointment where the doctor tells him her recommendations as far as the surgery.

Again, Pete is upset.  No one told him it was a series of appointments.  I understand his frustration.  Remember this quote from "When Harry Met Sally"?

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

It's not that Pete is waiting to spend his life with someone new.  He's tired of waiting for the new him to start life.

I'm a FPFGWTAPFG

Anyone guess it?

I'm a Future Prior Fat Girl, Working Towards A Prior Fat Girl.

I went to the One Breath, One Bite Event on Saturday.  I wasn't feeling very good at all, but couldn't miss it.  I'm so glad I went.  I'll be commenting about it all week because there was so much to share.  Stacy from KitchenWerks was back again and Paul, who is a nutritionist and fitness expert from Lifetime Fitness.

I left with that great feeling that I had after the last time.  Energized to reach new goals and inspired.

The acronym above?  Well Jen started selling t shirts and other items with her logo on them.  The shirts either said "I'm a prior fat girl, what are you?" or "Future prior fat girl, what's in your future?"  I wanted the first one.  I figured at 30+ pounds lost I deserved it.  Only the largest size was a large.  I told Carlos it wouldn't fit.  Jen was standing there and told me that it would.  So I went into the bathroom to try it out.  It fit in the torso, but my hips?  That's another story.  So I took it back and got the Future Prior Fat Girl shirt.

And you know what?  It's ok.  Maybe it's a sign that despite what I have accomplished, I still have further to go in my journey.  Maybe it's the push that I need to get into that smaller shirt?  Maybe it's my time to breathe and realize that I got into an XL, instead of a 2XL?  Maybe it's my reward to purchase the new shirt when I lose a bit more?

At any rate, it's ok.  It's my journey and I need to travel it fully and experience it fully.  I need to recognize and be happy with where I am at and at the same time know that I can go farther.

Mid Week With Pete

Sorry!  I'm a day late and a dollar short this week.  It was Pete's birthday yesterday.  We went out to Pittsburgh Blue for dinner.  We've had this gift card for over a year.  I told Pete that we needed to use it before he could not longer enjoy it.

Weird huh?  Like after he has the LapBand he'll no longer enjoy food.  But the reality is that he may not enjoy a steak any longer.  Did I tell you that you have to shew all your food to the consistency of applesauce after the surgery?  Yes.  Seriously.  And while things like mashed potatoes will be easy, steak will require lots of jaw work to get it down.  Tonight, when you're eating dinner, try chewing your food to this consistency and see how long it takes you to eat and how tiring it is.  Oh and remember, that you can't drink fuilds while you're doing this to help the process along.  Let me know how it goes.

At any rate, Pete's having problems sleeping.  He can't tell if it's related to trying to change his schedule to get up with me and go to the guym.  Or if it's from not working and not engaging his brain all day like he was used to.  Or if there is something else going on.  He's has his appointment with the sleep doctor about the sleep study next week.  I'm hopeful that he can ask him about it.

Pete's lost a total of 25 pounds since Thanksgiving.  The trainer that I see that the gym keeps telling me that he doesn't need the surgery, she can get him to lose weight.  I keep trying to tell her, yes he can lose the weight.  It's the keeping the weight off and figuring out a healthy, sustainable life that he cannot do.

The negotiation

Do you negotiate with yourself?  Inside I mean, not out loud.  Out loud would make people think that you're talking to your alter ego or something. 

I do.

Today it was this:  I can have the breaded pork sandwich IF I have the salad instead of fries.
And:  I can have a birthday cookie IF I use the stairs the rest of the day instead of the elevator.

I suppose you could say that if you ever reward yourself for your healthiness journey you do a bit of negotiation.  I'm doing that too.

I can buy new clothes IF I lose 15 pounds by my birthday on 3/22.

I started off this post thinking that negotiation was a bad thing.  Something that I used to justify my bad eating.  And while it may be just that, it's a good thing too.  In order for it to be good (according to my definition) it needs to be non food related.  For now.  I think there will come a time when a workout will mean that I can reward myself with a piece of cake and be ok with it.  But for now, the rewards that I negotiate with myself have to be non food related.

*******
I was working out with my trainer this morning at the Y.  Often times she will ask me to check my heart rate on my Polar F40 Heart Rate Monitor.  Then she laughs.  No really.  Sometimes I read her the number and she laughs.  I have yet to figure out if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  Anyway, today she asked me how many calories I'm burning when I do the circuit weight training with her for an hour and how many I burn when I do it again by myself later in the week.  I told her that I didn't think it was right and that I needed to get the platform to hook it up to the computer and enter more information about me.

She again asked me how many I was burning.  I told her 450-600 calories.  She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "That's right."  I was shocked.  The watch often says about 500 calories and anywhere 17%-23% fat burned.  I kept thinking that it was way wrong because, well I don't know why, but I thought it was way wrong.

So with this knowledge comes two thoughts.  Hell, I can work out like that every day and look how much weight I'd lose.  Or Hell I can work out that way every day and eat a whole lot! 

Neither of which I'm going to do. 

Fake Food

Do you eat fake food?  Have you ever thought about fake food? 

I'm not talking about the food that toddlers use in their tiny kitchens.  I'm talking about chemically engineered food.  Although with how much the agriculture industry has changed, I'm starting to wonder if all food isn't fake.

When I started out a year ago I tracked everything I ate.  I can't seem to get back into that habit because I think I've convinced myself that I know what is good and about how much I am eating.  Anyway, I tracked everything I ate.  I ate 3 meals and 3 snacks.  Most of my snacks were things like South Beach bars.  My noon meals were things like Healthy Choice meals.  I lost weight, but didn't have a good idea of why I lost it and how to sustain that losing pattern.  Not that I didn't learn things while doing this.  I learned about greek yogurt, fresh produce, nuts/dried fruits...

When I started with my trainer last summer she pushed meal supplements.  Acutally she pushed for the company that she sells for.  And I remember saying to her that I didn't want the supplements/replacements because I needed to learn how to eat real food.  I needed to learn t put together meals and snacks that were real food because that is what will sustain me for the rest of my life. Not South Beach bars or replacement shakes.

Then I went to the One Breath, One Step; A Prior Fat Girl Get-Together last fall.  (The link is actually for this month's event.)  And one of the speakers talked about all the low fat and no fat foods that yes, had low fat...but also had additional chemicals to make them taste good.  So your trade off is low fat but more chemicals. 

Ever since then I've been trying to cut out the fake foods.  It's something that Jen; A Prior Fat Girl is doing too.  I don't know if it's working.  And I still slip sometimes and have low fat items.  But I want to know that the food I'm eating is REAL food.

I wonder why am I doing this?

First, I won that holiday challenge.  Not only did I not gain weight over the holidays, but I lost 3 pounds.  I was working out with the weight routine 2 days a week and cardio 3-4 days a week.  I indulged over the holidays, but I didn't over indulge.

But it got me to thinking, why am I doing this to myself.  If I can maintain my weight why I am doing this?  How did I get this way in the first place.  If I have the ability to maintain, why did I gain previously?

Basically I had a morning of self doubt.  I had a morning that was hard to get up because I haven't been doing it because I've been sick.  I had a morning that was hard to work out because I hadn't been doing it.  And it was just a hard week.

So in these moments I have to remind myself that I am doing this for me.  Not for a tshirt or any other reason.  I am doing this so that I am healthier and live longer and because I can do it.

Did I win?

I haven't been to the gym in a week.  And I 've been weighing myself every day.

I haven't been because I am still fighting this stupid sinus infection.  I woke up on Sunday feeling like an elephant was on my chest and someone had slapped me as hard as they could in my back.  Basically I couldn't breathe without coughing.  Pete kept at me until I decided to go to Urgent Care and get checked out.  Yay, more antibiotics.  (not really)  I mean I got the antibiotics plus cough syrup, but no yay about the medications.  This is the 6th sinus infection of 2010 and usually they take 2 rounds of meds to clear up.  And lets just say that the antibiotics cause other issues.  So no good.

Remember this post?  That's why I've been weighing myself.  I want the reward of the shirt, but don't know if I am up for down or the same?  Regardless, I have until tomorow to weigh in, so it looks like I'll be going to the gym tomorrow, ready of not.  Wish me luck!

Mid Week With Pete

So Pete had his second phone appointment with the insurance this week.  She asky how much he's lost since their last talk 2 weeks ago.  He told her nothing.  She told him to work out 1.5 hours a day.

Seriously?

I have issues with this directive.  He's already got a bit of what I see as a compulsive working out habit. He's currently not working, but if he was, can anyone sustain 1.5 hours of working out EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. on top of 8-10 hours of work?  It's opposite of what the surgery center told him, which is to work out 30 minutes a day.

He's got another phone appointment in 2 weeks.  He's got a behavior health eval and a follow up from the sleep study coming up in a couple of weeks too.

And, guess what?  He'll be 44 next Wednesday.  Happy early birthday Pete!

Evernote

Are you like me?  Do you search recipe websites and cookbooks for the perfect recipe, print it out, use it and then lose it?

I'm still lamenting the fact that I had a killer biscuit recipe shortly after we returned from our anniversary trip and then lost it.  I do it this a lot.  i love cookbooks and have over 100.  But I find that I use them less and less.  I am now addicted to recipe websites and all they have to offer.  Only, like I said before, I lose the printed recipe.

Evernote is going to help me with my goal of getting recipes organized in 2011.  Well, Evernote, my cute little new netbook and I are going to accomplish this goal.  Check it out.  It's easy to use and it took me a few hours yesterday entering all the recipes I had on my fridge.  Yes, for the last 4 years I've had 2 magnet clips on my fridge full of folded half sheets of paper.  It was my recipe box for lack of a better term.

Considering that I'm trying to eat healthy and Pete's going to have lap band surgery, I need to be better organized with recipes. 

How about you?  If you need any FREE way to organize things from recipes, to household lists, to web pages, to photos...  Try this program.  (oh and I'm not affiliated with them in any way.)

New Goals

I'm going to set new goals today.  I'm not going to wait until the end of January to set new goals.

My long term healthiness goal is of course to lose a good deal of weight.  My current long range goal is to be at 180 and then re-evaluate my body.  It would be obviously easy to say that I wanted to be 140 pounds.  BMI standards say that I should weigh between 119 pounds and 160 pounds.  I cannot imagine my body at 119 pounds.  Maybe it's because I haven't been there since junior high (and I was not overweight in high school, but definitely in L/XL clothes).  But I think I would look so very thin and scary at that weight.  I'm not willing to rely upon the BMI charts to determine my ideal weight though, it's not easily calculated by simple numbers, you have to take into account bone structure too.

So here goes:

1.  My first goal is to lose 15 pounds by my birthday 3/22.  It's about 5 pounds per month. 
As far as weight loss that's all I'm willing to set for right now.  I think setting additional goals only puts more pressure on me than I can take and seems insurmountable.

2.  My exercise goal is to work out 16 days in January.  It's at least 4 days a week.  I was working out 5 days a week 11 months ago, so 4 days should be very reachable.

My eating goal...I think this is where I need the help right now.  I believe that this is what is going to allow me to not only do the maintaining that I have been, but continue to lose.
3.  My eating goal is to once again track my intake.  In the next 30 days I will track my food intake each and every day.

So there are the initial goals.  When I reach my first 3 goals I'll come back and re-evaluate where I am and where I next want to be.