Jornaling? Blogging? Both? Neither?

I've been watching Biggest Loser this season.  Despite my misgivings over the concept.  It's great that they're losing weight, but the way they're doing it is hardly sustainable.  No one has the ability to work out 4-8 hours a day and limit their calories to 1200 for the rest of their lives.  Losing 21 pounds in a week is not only not sustainable, but from everything I've read, unhealthy and hard on your body.  I've read some articles from prior contestants who say that it saved their life, but I've also read some who have said that they came out of it with an eating disorder.

The one thing that keeps jumping out at me though it the emotional side of it.  It's something that Jen from Prior Fat Girl has talked about.  It's something that I've read on Becoming an Ex Yo-Yo Dieter and it's something that I've read about on Twelve In Twelve.  I'm sure there are many other bloggers out there who have talked about it too.

I wonder if my emotions have a part in my struggle?  Actually I know that they somehow do because I can just feel it when I talk about the subject. One of the things that Paul talked about at the Prior Fat Girl Event this past weekend was journaling.  You'd think that as a blogger I'd have a good record with journalling.  You'd think that I'd have completed journals all over my house documenting my past and new ones waiting for my future.  But that's very far from the truth.

I kept a diary in elementary school.  Only I stopped when my Mom started saying things that lead me to think she was reading it.  In high school I started writing letters when I was upset, angry or hurt and leaving them in a box in my room.  And unofficial journal of sorts.  Again there were things that my Mom said that made me think she was reading them.  In college English class I HAD to keep a journal.  It wasn't read by the professor, but each day was checked off that we at least wrote something and it keyed in on the importance of creating a habit by doing so.  Only my college roommate read it and used some of the information against me.

To this day I struggle with keeping a written journal.  I 've bought little leather books with 'journal' tooled into the front.  I've bought plain notebooks of all sizes.  I've bought blank books that I can doodle or write in.  I've bought index cards, one for each day, and a card holder.  You name it, I've bought it.  I start off good and after about 2-3 weeks I lose interest.  Maybe it's the action of writing versus typing.  Maybe it's the idea that I can't really change a journal, but I can change the blog look when I need.  Maybe it's the fact that a journal cam be found and an online blog is somewhat anonymous to my close friends and family.

But, both Paul and others at the event talked about journalling your food, how you're feeling when you eat and when you're done and your emotions.  So my goal this week is to start again with another cute little book, a favorite pen and see how it goes.