Tuesday was a shitty day. No other way to put it. I was having anxiety attacks at work about surgery and all that goes into it. I was down to 2 weeks prior to surgery and feeling it physically.
I had a coworker come into my office after our weekly meeting and tell me that next week would be my last weekly meeting. How ironic, since that's exactly what I was feeling and exactly what I explained in Tuesday's post. So I told her that I was having anxiety over "lasts".
Her response: All we ever do here anymore is talk about you and your surgery.
I was immediately ashamed. Ashamed that I was dominating conversation. Ashamed that I would have made anyone feel uncomfortable by over sharing. I already felt guilty for leaving my coworkers down a person for so long. I feel guilty being a burden to anyone. I was shocked and clammed up and changed the conversation.
But it sat there, that sentence. It sat in my brain and marinated all day. I wondered if I had been so very imposing? Or was there more to the comment? Was it just thoughtless? At about 4:15 pm, I couldn't stand it any longer and I emailed some of my coworkers, the ones that I see daily. If she thought this and was only here about 1 day every 6 days, then they must feel it more so.
Then I told Pete about it by text and told him that I needed a ride. So we did. 180 miles, sun on my shoulders, wind in my face, open road before me and arms wrapped around Pete...we rode.