Wednesday, June 26, 2013

191.2; I Can't Do It Myself

Remember when you were a toddler?  Yeah, me neither.

But if you've been around toddlers who are figuring out things, you know their classic response "I can do it all by myself."  They have this sense of superiority of the world that we somehow lose as we age.  It's not that they can do it all on their own.  They have this ultimate belief in themselves and their ability to tackle any new task because they're learning at such a fast rate.

What they don't know and we adults do know, is that we're not invincible.  We don't know everything there is to know.  And we can't do it all, all the time, by ourselves.  While I know that this is true, I still have a hard time with it.  I was single for so much of my life that I did everything myself or it really didn't get done.  My parents both worked and I hated asking my Dad for help because he was tired at the end of the day.  I hated asking my Mom because her Lymphodema prevented her from helping and she would feel bad.  I didn't like asking my sister because she has her own family.

My Motto:  I Can Do It All By Myself.

What I've come to realize is that I can't.  Or shouldn't have to.  Over the years with Pete by my side, I've learned that it's ok to ask him for help.  That I can share with him what's going on in my head.  And truly that part of a marriage is the give and take of sharing.  He feels proud and helpful when I ask him for help.  He loves doing things for me to show me that he can and that he loves me.  He likes hearing what's going on in my head, because he wants to understand and help shoulder my worries.

But this surgery?  This is going to be unlike anything.  Not only will I need help with the stuff I'd normally ask for help with, but I think I'm going to need help with almost everything.  And I already feel guilty.  It's a lot to ask someone to work 30 hours a week and take care of you the rest of those hours in a week.  It's a lot to ask my Mom or my sister to come to my house and stay with me while Pete is gone.  It's a lot to ask my Dad to help walk up/dopwn stairs when I can't do it myself. 

So I've been trying to think of little things that I can do in advance to show them how much I care.  I don't have much time and my money is sucked up by all the things getting ready for this.  So, I think I'm going to get some cards, write in them and then get some little $5 gift cards for gas, coffee, Nook books or whatever I can find.  Because I know, I can't do it all myself.

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