When I was called for additional mammogram images in April (post here), my life changed forever. Scratch that, my life seemed to stop. Everything went along in slow motion, as though the film reel of my life was stuck somewhere. I made the decision to blog about it, mostly so I could get these swirling, overwhelming feelings and thoughts out of my head and into the world; to lighten my load by sharing it.
I posted some questions on some of the message boards that I belong to, on my blog and in real life. I read online articles, other women's blogs and books on the subject. I kept a big notebook with information about what I learned, lists of questions for doctors, and lists for myself.
But along the way I was given beautiful people. Women who contacted me after reading my message board posts or blog entries and offered support. It was beautiful. It lifted me up when I needed it. It allowed me to ask the delicate questions that no one else could answer. It let me vent when I needed it.
One of the women is:
She sent me a comment that was so supportive and understanding and ENCOURAGING. It brought me to tears and made such an impact in the days leading up to my surgery.
5 weeks post bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction, I still struggle with how to describe what I've been going through. I've had people ask me in stores if I was ok because of the slow walking and difficultly in lifting. I tell them that I had a mastectomy and they tell me they're sorry about my cancer. Only I didn't have cancer; the pathology was negative. I tried explaining once and then I started just nodding and now I just tell people that I had breast cancer surgery. It's confusing at times for me, so I can only imagine how confusing it is for others.
So today, I am sending you to Gayle's series on Life As a Previvor. She explains how she left, the steps she took and her outcome in a several part series. It's not all posted yet, but I encourage anyone who doesn't understand the thought process, the choices to be made and what life is like afterwards to please read this. She does a great job explaining it all.