Tuesday, February 12, 2013

191; ReThinking Goals/Progress

So I'm a little more than 30 days out from my 1 year mark since surgery.

My goal was always and still is to get to 175 pounds.  Even though the BMI calculators say that I should be between 115-154 pounds.

At 190 my BMI is still 30 and I am considered obese. I have to be honest.  When I think about how far I have come and still see that by most people's standards I am obese, it is like a slap in the face. Because lets be honest, the whole BMI chart is not the end all be all of how to determine if you are healthy.  It's misleading.  But it's what the majority of the public thinks about when they think about how to determine size.  In reality it was meant to be a screening tool that leads to other discussions and tests about one's health.  But it's become the chart that everyone uses to determine if someone is healthy. 

However, even the CDC agrees that it's not totally reliable.  There are too many other factors to consider that can't be determined from a few numbers and a quick calculation.  And I am at a disadvantage.  I'm a woman who tends to hold more fat than a man and I'm "older" and older people tend to hold more fat than younger people. 

Other factors can help at quick glance.  If your waist size is smaller, you're likely more healthy because belly fat is hard on your body, same with neck size.  Additionally, how active are you?  The more active you are, even if larger, the better off you are.  And finally what does your frame look like?  I'm not some small boned little girl.  Never have been.  115 would make me simply anorexic and frail.  154?  I might be able to get there, but I'd still have excess skin and a lot of it that would have to factor in.

Still, seeing that freaking fracking, dumb word OBESE jump out at me, sucks.  For at 190 I am the most thin that I have been since college, 20+ years ago.

Being 175 would place me in the overweight category.  And again that SUCKS.  Who doesn't want to be normal?  Not thin or skinny, but just normal for cripes sake?  It's pisses me off.  Over the weekend I realized that I was ok with my body in a tank top tucked in to my jeans.  Let's repeat this - stretchy shirt tucked into my jeans.  This is important because it's likely how I'll be spending my summer on the motorcycle.  Critically, I know that I can lose mass around my thighs and I'm not sure how much is still fat and how much is excess skin, but they're bigger.  And I can stand to lose mass around my upper arms.  Same thing - some fat and some excess skin.  I have a slight pooch above my port that again I can't tell if it's excess fat or skin.  Those are my critical areas.  But for the most part I'm happy with me.  I just want to be that normal 42 (almost 43) year old woman who enjoys a healthy life.

So I'm still searching out that 175.  Getting there from where I'm at isn't going to be easy, I can tell that now.  It's going to be a struggle, shaking things up, working hard and figuring out how to get it done.  But I'm willing to do it.  Beyond 175?  I don't know.  Ask me at 175 how it looks on my frame.  Ask my what my critical areas are again.  Ask me what my goal is after that.  Ask me how much I'm willing to put into it versus how much I'm wanting to just enjoy where I am.  Ask me all this then.  By that time I may have a whole different perspective or I may still be thinking that 175 is pretty damn good. 

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