188.0; I Lost My Way

I started watching the Biggest Loser last night.  I both love that show and hate it.  I love that they give hope to people and teach them how to lose.  I hate that it's a game and some of the tactics they use to lose are questionable AND not sustainable when people go home.

I'm not going to lie, when I started thinking about losing weight, it was all about getting skinny.  I think it's a natural reaction when you've been overweight, to want to be skinny.  But the more I realized what it took to get there and more importantly what it would take to stay there, I realized that skinny wasn't it.  I needed to be healthy.  That means eating good portions of food that it good for me, at least 80% of the time.  It also means working out so that I can run a 5K with ease, so that I can life weights and have strong muscles and bones.

Along the way I've had my love/hate relationship with the gym.  I love being there and the feeling when I leave and the sore muscles the next day reminding me that I worked out.  But I also burn out from the gym.  I get sinus infections and can't work out because it feels like my brain is bobbling in my skull.

I've lost my perspective.  Yes, I'm slowly losing weight and that is great.  I got caught up in new clothes and shopping and feeling my new body slip into clothes that I never would have imagined 2 years ago.  I got caught up in using my band as a MAGIC BULLET.  And it's not.  It's meant to be a tool and I haven't been using it that way.  And I'm almost ashamed to admit it.  I'm ashamed that I have this tool that I can use to maximize my healthiness and I'm wasting it.

This is where my workout gear has sat for the last 6 weeks or more.  At the foot of my bed, just waiting for me to use it.  I realized last night after watching the Biggest Loser that I'm wasting more of my life, trying to use a magic bullet to get what I want.  And that's not going to happen.  It's not the way I want to live life.