Tuesday, October 23, 2012

199.0; Body Anger

I'm mad at my body.  I'm mad at it for teasing me with little things here and there and then taking it away.  I'm mad that it can't just continue in a nice downward trend.  I'm mad that I can't seem to get a handle on my body.  I'm mad that it fluctuates so much.  I'm mad that I...

Really I'm mad at myself.  My whole self.  I know what I need to do to lose weight and I know that it's not a quick process.  And even more so I don't want it to be a quick progress.  I know that I will get to where I want to be, but I have to submit to what I need to do. 

The reality is that it's so hard to keep up new things.  I know that I need to exercise 60 minutes at least 5 times a week.  I know that I need to eat small/sensible meals.  I know that life does not exist on cake and crap.  I know this.  My brain knows this.  My body has a hard time complying sometimes.  It's life.  It's bound to happen. 

What I need to do is start getting to sleep at a more decent time than 11:30 and getting all night sleep instead of broken crappy sleep.  I know that I need to get my ASS out of bed, no matter how tired I am and re-establish that pattern of regular exercise.  I know that I need to quit eating everything in sight.

I know these things.  All of them.  Now I need to put them into practice.  And I need to forgive myself for the things that I do and realize they are normal and part of the process.

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