Yesterday I posted this picture on my Instagram:
I got my hair cut yesterday. The last time was in February and my stylist noticed how much I've changed. As we spoke I told her how hard it was for me to see it. Partly this is because I don't stare at myself all day. The only time I look at myself is in the morning when I'm getting ready and I glance at mirrors throughout the day. Sometimes it's so hard to see the totality of the changes when you're not staring at yourself all the time.
I do however, look down a lot. I notice my thinner legs when sitting at my desk or in the car. I notice my smaller hips that no longer cover the span of a chair bottom or touch the armrests at either side. I notice my smaller belly that no longer protrudes out so far and covers the rest of my lower abdomen. So I do see those changes in my body.
But as I sat there in the chair last night and started at myself in the mirror while she was *coughcoughgiveringmygreyscough* I swept over my face again and again. And for once I did notice how angular it had become. Maybe it was because I had to stare at myself. Maybe it was because she had all my hair wet and swept back. Maybe it was because I had been searching for it all along. But I did see it finally. Had you told me 6 months ago that I would describe my face as more angular than not, I would have laughed at you.
I say all of this, because my transformation is there. It is noticeable. It is making me want to continue on the path even with my toes that are hurting when I walk/run. You know how I can absolutely say this? I have recently discovered this photo of me. It's taken in 1999/2000. I'm probably at my largest ever. Because I never weighed myself I'm guessing I'm close to 300. I cringe writing this. Not because it's not true and not because I haven't said it to myself. I cringe putting it out there to the world and admitting just how large I really was. Anyway, me: