Wednesday, September 12, 2012

196.6; Me

Yesterday I posted this picture on my Instagram:
I commented that I have collar bones again.  Yay!  They were there all this time, but had disappeared under pounds of excess fat.  Those bones are poking through more often now.

I got my hair cut yesterday.  The last time was in February and my stylist noticed how much I've changed.  As we spoke I told her how hard it was for me to see it.  Partly this is because I don't stare at myself all day.  The only time I look at myself is in the morning when I'm getting ready and I glance at mirrors throughout the day.  Sometimes it's so hard to see the totality of the changes when you're not staring at yourself all the time.

I do however, look down a lot.  I notice my thinner legs when sitting at my desk or in the car.  I notice my smaller hips that no longer cover the span of a chair bottom or touch the armrests at either side.  I notice my smaller belly that no longer protrudes out so far and covers the rest of my lower abdomen.  So I do see those changes in my body.

But as I sat there in the chair last night and started at myself in the mirror while she was *coughcoughgiveringmygreyscough* I swept over my face again and again.  And for once I did notice how angular it had become.  Maybe it was because I had to stare at myself.  Maybe it was because she had all my hair wet and swept back.  Maybe it was because I had been searching for it all along.  But I did see it finally.  Had you told me 6 months ago that I would describe my face as more angular than not, I would have laughed at you.

I say all of this, because my transformation is there.  It is noticeable.  It is making me want to continue on the path even with my toes that are hurting when I walk/run.  You know how I can absolutely say this?  I have recently discovered this photo of me.  It's taken in 1999/2000.  I'm probably at my largest ever.  Because I never weighed myself I'm guessing I'm close to 300.  I cringe writing this.  Not because it's not true and not because I haven't said it to myself.  I cringe putting it out there to the world and admitting just how large I really was.  Anyway, me:

1 comment:

  1. You are amazing! Congratulations-you are a true inspiration!