|My SparkPeople app on my iPhone.|
I'm frustrated. The blue line up there isn't going down.
I know. I know. It's not all about the weight, it's about your body. Ignore the weight and focus on the inches lost. Who cares about the weight, how do you feel?
Honestly, right now, I care about the weight. I DO care about that number on the scale. In March I set a goal to be 200 pounds by 5/1/12. It didn't happen. At the time I thought that the losing I was doing was going to continue. I was losing about pound a day for the first 3 weeks after surgery (that includes the pounds of fluid I gained during my hospital stay). The losing suddenly stopped. I have been wavering between 209 and 212 since then.
It's not for a lack of trying. I get my
The logical explanation is that my eating is still off track. Which, confirms in my head, without any doubt, that I needed this gastric banding. I need this to help my eating. And this is not to say that I eat horribly. Not at all.
My breakfasts consist of 1/2 cup egg substitute with 1 ounce of cheese and 2-3 tablespoons of salsa or 1 packet of unsweetened multi grain oatmeal with 1/3 cup fruit added or 1 cup Fage 0% Greek yogurt with 1/3 banana or 1/3 cup fruit. My lunch this week has been cooked quinoa with tomatoes, cilantro, salsa, onion, peppers and black beans. About 1 1/2 cups. My afternoon snack has been cheese and 1/2 slice toast or 1 small bag of pop chips. Dinners have been baked sole, lime cilantro chicken, shrimp low fat ceaser salad, mahi mahi and unbreaded buffalo marinaded chicken. I have been eating closer to 2 cups at dinner time. My unhealthy addition to all this is that there were ice cream sandwiches in the freezer for Pete. I had one each night this week.
And I know what you're all saying there...you're building muscle from the Body Pump and other strength workouts like rowing. I know. I know. I'm still frustrated. Almost to the point of crying. I'm mad at myself for being fixated on a number. I'm made that I've learned through the years that it's all about the scale and nothing else. I need to unlearn that and I'm trying. I'm mad that I can't make the progress on the scale that I should be. I'm...I'm...I'm angry with myself. Angry. But that's not being fair to myself is it? I need to work this out, don't I? Figure out how to focus on all the numbers, not just the scale. I need to be less angry at myself about it all. Less anger, more positive.