Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Sitting With Emotions

Likely I'm just coming out of surgery when this will post, but I felt it was a it was a honest reflection that I needed to share.

Work has been stressful for me in the last six months.  I didn't get in on the opportunity to participate in a telework project and it kind of deflated me for a while.  I'm the go to person for a certain type of case in my unit.  This work is above and beyond my normal duties.  At times I go for months without having a special case.  At at times it feels as if I am never without this type of case.  Since October of 2011 I've had 8 of these cases.  At times my supervisor will give something of my normal duties away to compensate me, but not always.

In addition to that, my supervisor has been on vacation in the last week and I am the go to person for issues arising while he is gone.  It's not that much additional work, but some headaches.  It's interesting listening to a client complain to you about your unit's work.  It has given me a different perspective on my supervisor's job.

Monday I came into work, knowing that I only had 2 days to get my work caught up and to deal with 2 of those special cases.  In the morning, a coworker who I consider a friend also, called into question how I dealt with one of the special cases.  It was interesting, because her reaction is likely what my reaction to my supervisor was a year or so ago.  However, after doing many of them, I understand what the agency wants from these cases and how they likely deal with them.  I tried to explain this to my coworker, as my supervisor likely explained it to me in the past.  My coworker accused me of using work buzz words on her and to stop it.

It was so not what I needed at that moment.  My anxiety over upcoming surgery already had my emotions running high.  This topped it off and I admit to shedding a few tears.  My next reaction?  What can I eat?  I feel like eating.  But I sat in that emotion and let it ride out, even if it meant more tears.  I vented to Pete and he listened.  And still I sat in the emotion while continuing to do my work. 

I sat in the emotion and it was ok.  It was hard, but I survived.  I kept some of the emotions to let out at a class at the gym later that day.  But the remainder of the emotion I let flow.  This is a good lesson and reminder to me that I don't need food to solve all my problems.  It's also an example of why losing weight isn't just a simple thing.  It's complex and until I/you deal with all the issues around it, you'll never be successful.

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