Getting to that place, or developing that skill, required letting go. I had to let go of a lot of hopes and dreams and expectations. The hope that this would be easy, the dream that it would be fast, and the expectation that I would never mess up. I was holding on to those things with all my might and as a result, I had no might to do the work that needed to be done. I couldn't do the work while I was just standing there trying to hold onto stuff. Beginning again requires letting go, and taking risk.
This from Real Fat Blog. I read blogs everyday. Sometimes on my netbook at home at night. Sometimes on my couple minute breaks or lunch at work. Sometimes on my Google Reader on my phone. There are funny ones, recipe ones, crafting ones, child ones, friend's blogs and weight loss blogs.
The weight loss ones have been foremost on my mind lately. I see the people who've lost more weight than me and I dream of being where they are now. I see the people who've just started and remember that I was once them. I see the people who've chosen a different path and wonder if I should have chosen that path too.
And sometimes, something that one of the bloggers says just hits me. Smacks me right in the middle of my forehead as a wake up call. Sometimes one of them inspires me so much that I cry because of their accomplishment. Sometimes I recognize the struggle that they are in because I too am in that struggle at that very same time.
This quote up there, it smacked me yesterday afternoon. It hit me hard with the thought that I may be defeated, but I can go on. Although I say that I know this is a journey, I really don't get it at times. I don't internalize that I understand that it's not a quick process. I think that because Pete can lose weight like other people drink water, I believe that I should too. I say that I understand that it's okay not to be perfect with getting healthy, but I believe that I must be perfect for it to happen. I see that others easily find ways to lose and think that I too should have an easy solution to this issue. I say these things and think that saying them makes them real. When in fact, I need to truly understand them and internalize them to really get what they're all about.
I think Pete probably said it best a few months ago: It's not easy. It's hard. It hurts. But it's worth it. Sometimes that is my mantra on the treadmill and it gets me though. Sometimes. Other times I just want to give up no matter what. And still others I am rejuvenated by the time spent on the treadmill and could go for a lot longer than I had planned.