Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My Sabotage

I currently have 2 packages of red licorice (one home and one at work), 1 package of mini Reese's PB Cups (home) and 1 package of PB M&Ms (work) in my possession.  As you can see I really set myself up nicely, huh?  Wanna know something else?  I have 1.5 bottles of Sprite (which I really dislike) in my fridge at home with prepared frozen limeade.  And let's not forget the package of low fat Chocolate Chex Mix that I ate in 2 days.

And as I picked M&M's out of my work bag yesterday to put them back in the package safely, I realized that I had really self sabotaged myself.  I went out an purchased things that were comforting for situations where I felt I'd be bored or uncomfortable.  I purchased junk because I thought I deserved it for some reason that I now cannot remember.  No wonder when I weighed myself Saturday morning it said 240 (although, it is my up time of the month also).

I thought about it long and hard on my way home.  Then I made a meal of grilled hamburgers and grill fries.  No junk, but not as healthy as it could be.  But I just couldn't leave well enough alone because I made strawberry shortcake for dessert.

And my honest admission is that I didn't get up to go to the gym this morning. 

Basically I'm saying that I suck.  I suck big time in the journey that I started. 

I'm frustrated.  I can't seem to get back on track with working out.  I can't seem to get my eating back to what it was.  I cannot journal to save my life.  And the thought of tracking food again seems overwhelming.  I'm upset that my weight is not going down.  Yet, I can't or won't do something about it.  And I can't figure out why.  I think I have some answers, but really I know nothing other than I like to eat and dislike working out.  I can't decide if I need a break where I don't worry about working out and eating and then get back to it or if I just need to make myself do it and struggle through whatever it is that is disrupting my journey.

I need help and I don't know where to go for it.


  1. A "journey" is not perfect. Its a "journey" - with ups and downs. The important thing is that you keep moving forward. Take a day or an evening to look inwatd. Take a walk, spend some time with yourself, and really think about what your goals are. What do you want? What do you hate about being unhealthy? What do you need to do to change? Until you are at that place, no one can MAKE you lose weight. It's honestly about you and this journey.

    i've been at this place before and it sucks, but you CAN journal, you CAN go to the gym or take a walk, you CAN make healthy food choices. I read another blogger, who made a pact with herself -.get dressed, go to the gym, and if you still dont want to be there, it's ok to leave. Give it a try!!

    Please know you're not alone, and I am here for you!! You can do this - CREATE the person you want to be!!!

  2. Thank You Ann. I appreciate every word.