Friday, February 25, 2011

Dreaming & 235

235 again.  Hello lovely number...  And yet I take it with a grain of salt.  Not only did I have the real flu for 2 weeks, but I now have a sinus infection and my lungs are irritated and inflamed from all the coughing with the flu.  Back on antibiotics, a steroid inhaler and my nemesis - prednisone.  I say nemesis, because while I know that I need it, I dislike it with a passion.  I'm hyper on it, it gives me headaches and fatigue (contrary as it may be), it makes me hungry and thirsty all the time and I use the bathroom like I've drank 10 gallons of water in one day.  So the 235 may likely be loss of much of my water weight that everyone carries around.

I have to admit that I have a million things running through my mind on a regular basis.  It's why I have insomnia.  I lay down at night and when the rest of the world is silent and drifting off into sleep...I am awake running through what I got done, what I didn't get done, things I could do, things I need to do, things I have to do, things to do next week, things to do next month, things to do next year, things I did 10 years ago!

Get the picture?  It's almost as if there isn't something actively taking up my brain, it scatters to make lists.  While I hate this about myself, I also love it.  I think it's why I can "write" wonderful blog posts while taking long trips on my motorcycle or on the back of Pete's motorcycle.  I think it's why I have such a love for books because I have a great imagination.  I think it's why I have a technology obsession.  lol

Anyway, Wednesday was no different.  I was working work, when it suddenly occurred to me that not only is Pete's life going to change with the surgery, my life is too.  For about 6 weeks he will not be able to eat what I eat.  And even after that 6 weeks, his eating patterns and items will change drastically.  My first thought was HOORAY I can make all those meals that Pete never liked.  Things like creamy pasta sauces with artichokes and cheese filled tortellini, pasta and potato salads with veggies and mayo, chicken with lemon sauce and capers, thick pea soup with bacon, homey hamburger hot-dish from from my youth, LASAGNA!

Then I stopped.  Did I really want to do all that?  Well, yes.  But when I think about it from my goals standpoint, do I really want to take 6 weeks and indulge all the things that I don't eat just because Pete can't eat?  Yup.  "No, Michelle, do you really want to do that?"  And I thought long and hard.  And honestly my answer is still yes.  Only I need to figure out a way to do it moderation.  To make the things that I like and only have small portions or make lighter versions of it.

Then, my mind kept travelling...Even after the 6 weeks my life will change. He won't be able to have big green salads with lots of fresh crunchy veggies - but I love them and can still eat them.  He won't be able to have 'dryer' meats like chicken breasts, pork and steaks - but should I?  He won't be able to have dessert/sweet items - but I can.  He won't be able to have crusty bread - can I?  And that is truly what it came down to.  Can I/Should I continue eating what I'm eating, even though he won't be able to?  I need my brain to keep thinking about this.

1 comment:

  1. I think that you need to talk to Pete about your concerns with the food. I think you should be able to eat what you want, but you should come to a conclusion with him on it. Life does change a lot when one takes on this type of surgery, not only for that person but for their families too. I know, once again back to my mom's surgery, that should had a little conversation with one on the doctors on this topic, and she realized that she can't judge her family on what they eat, just because she can't any longer.