Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Prior Fat Girl

Have you been over to Jen's site to read about her? Prior Fat Girl I've written about her before and her journey of weightloss and her struggles.

She's running a contest of sorts to invite a new Prior Fat Girl to join her site and blog about their journey. For the last several days she's been listing nominated bloggers and their stories. If you haven't been to her site today, GO! Read James' Story .

It brings up an interesting point, no? I mean I think that we tend to think of weight loss and eating as a female thing. Something that only women struggle with. But obviously this isn't something that is gender specific. So while it's not talked about often by women, it's not talked about even more by men.

Can I tell you how much I appreciate hearing it from a man's perspective? I often struggle with how to best support my husband in his journey. I think I know what I need to support me. I think I have the tools that I need at this point to figure out what to do. But how to I support him?

For a while I was limiting his food intake at the meals that I cooked. For a while I went to the gym and worked out on weights with him, skipping my own workout. For a while I went to eh gym when he wanted to g, instead of what worked best for me. For a while I would comment about how many servings he had of food. For a while I stopped buying soda and commented every time he bought one. For a while I challenged him to work out so many times a week. For a while I reminded him how much better he felt when he worked out.

Nothing helped though. Nothing. Just writing this out made me realize that I can't help him, he has to help himself. I knew that intellectually. But in my heart I want him to be happy and it seems like I was (am) willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy.

For the last year he has been talking about weightloss surgery. If I'm honest with myself I feel crappy because when we were working out before I was getting upset (internally) that he was weighing less than me. When he started gaining it back, he started talking about weightloss surgery. I felt like it was a cop out. Then I had a friend who had a lap band and realized that it wasn't easy and weight didn't fall off, it was still work. Pete kept talking about it and telling me that I should make an appointment for him.

You read right. I should make his doctor appointment for his surgery. I resisted. I told him that he needed to do it. I felt like he needed to be at the point that he was willing to make the call himself. He's to that point. He has an appointment at a local bariatric center next week to start the process with the lap band. I think he's starting his own journey. And I need to remember that everyone's journey is different.


  1. Holy cow! I know I'm not probably supposed to be doing this, but as I was out on the search for new people to follow I found you, and my name! Thanks for sending people my way, and I know it can be incredibly frustrating as a spouse. Encourage him to read my site. Go back into the archives a bit and look at my W.I.D.T.H. pic set, and "make your own ranch" post.

    Each and every time I've heard it from my wife in the past I would dive deeper and deeper into another serving of guilt pie.

    She meant well, but something had to click for me to do it. Now I'm the one trying to get her back to the gym and lose baby weight . . .from 4 years ago.

    I knew I could go back to blogging as a way to get into the workouts again, and I got a kick in the butt after finding Jack Sh*t. It was cool to see a guy who had lost, was losing, and had the humor/writing skills to motivate me forward.

    Maybe this will help. Maybe not. I am greatful though for linking to my post at PriorFatGirl though!

  2. James I think your story is an awesome one! Good luck!