Saturday, September 11, 2010

A processor

I'm a processor. When something is bothering me, I process it. Lately my processing has been done internally. But I really prefer to process with someone else. They can reflect back what you're saying. They can empathize with you. They may have gone through this previously and can give you suggestions. And it feels good to have someone validate what you're saying, going through or doing.

On 9/11/01 I was living with my Grandma. She was out of the country on vacation. I was home alone. I had taken the day off to do some things, but only slept until 8am CT. When I got up I turned on the TV and saw what was happening. Oh my God! My life was shattered. The security and safe feeling that I never in a million years thought would be gone, was just that. My mind race, my thoughts were all over the place. I was scared. And I had no one to process with.

People think that I am weird. I live over 1000 miles from the sites where this occurred. Yet, I felt like I was right in the middle of it. I felt like my world had forever changed. I couldn't sleep. I was drawn to the news shows so that I was informed about what was happening and because I honestly thought there would be more attacks. Yet the constant stream of news made my thoughts worse. Double edge sword.

To this day I still think about what happened. I still go over the feelings and I still cry. And I an again alone in this. The people around me think that I'm over reacting, so I don't say anything. But I rememeber. I pray for those who were lost. I respect and honor those firefighters who race up a burning building when everyone else was racing down. I pray for the military that we've lost since then. I pray for the children who will never have the safe feeling that I grew up with. I pray for me.

No comments:

Post a Comment