I'm getting married

In fact I'm getting married this week. I can't wait.

I'm not nervous...yet. But ask my on Friday. And never nervous to get married, but rather that everything will turn out ok.

I'm anxious though. Like I could jump out of my skin anxious. It's really hard to work when I'm like this.

Good Thoughts for Pete Please!

He just called in tears...

He was in a really bad motorcycle accident at 18 in Germany. It pushed his palate up and the doctors had to break it, put a spacer in and allow it to regrow how it should be.

He's been complaining of sinus infections for the last year. He goes in and gets antibiotics and it clears up, but comes back a few months later.

2 weeks ago he hit his mouth on a cabinet and the tooth immediately got loose & fell out. Then this week he was eating rice crispies and half of his front tooth broke off. Vertically.

He finally got into the dentist today. His palate is collapsing. It's causing pressure on all of his top teeth and the infection he keeps getting slowly leaks into the boney areas that are broken.

He has to have 7 teeth pulled. Then they have to go in and rebreak the palate again, put another spacer in. Then they will make him a partial to replace all the teeth they have to pull (essentially it's all the top, front teeth that you see when you smile).

He called in tears partly because he wasn't ready to hear this. He knew it was coming, but just not now. And partially because the insurance lady at the dentist told him that insurance will only pay for 50% of the whole thing. I told him not to worry, but it only made him cry harder.

I hate hearing him cry and not being able to do anything about it.

Please remember

I've had this saved in my work PC for 7 years. Each year I open it up, read it and slowly take in the magnitude of how our world changed on that day. Not just that we lost so many lives. Not just that we are at war with what seems to be so many 'invisible' people. But the economy, the way people travel, the lost innocence.

A Chronology of Tuesday's Events

1. 7:55 a.m. American Airlines Flight 11 leaves Boston bound for Los Angeles
2. 8:00 a.m. United Airlines Flight 93 departs Newark bound for San Francisco
3. 8:10 a.m. American Airlines Flight 77 departs Washington bound for Los Angeles
4. 8:15 a.m. United Airlines Flight 175 departs Boston bound for Los Angeles
5. 8:46 a.m. American Airlines Flight 11 strikes the north tower of the World Trade Center
6. 8:55 a.m. According to wire reports, President Bush, who is in Sarasota, Fla., is informed of the attacks
7. 9:03 a.m. United Airlines Flight 175 strikes the south tower of the World Trade Center
8. 9:15 a.m. President Bush makes statement condemning terrorist attack
9. 9:25 a.m. FAA shuts down all New York City area airports
10. 9:35 a.m. All bridges and tunnels in the Manhattan area closed
11. 9:40 a.m. FAA halts all flight operations at U.S. airports
12. 9:55 a.m. American Airlines Flight 77 hits Pentagon
13. 10:05 a.m. The south tower of the World Trade Center collapses
14. 10:05 a.m. President Bush leaves Sarasota; White House evacuated
15. 10:15 a.m. A portion of the Pentagon collapses
16. 10:24 a.m. The FAA reports all inbound transatlantic aircraft are being diverted to Canada
17. 10:25 a.m. United Airlines Flight 93 crashed in Somerset County, 80 miles southeast of Pittsburgh
18. 10:27 a.m. The World Trade Center's north tower collapses
19. 10.46 a.m. U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell cuts short his trip to Latin America to return to the
    United States
20. 10:53 a.m. New York's primary elections scheduled for today are postponed
21. 10:55 a.m. Financial Markets closed in New York
22. 11:02 a.m. New York Mayor Rudy W. Giuliani urges citizens to stay at home or work and orders an
    evacuation of the area south of Canal Street
23. 11:15 a.m. U.N. headquarters in New York is fully evacuated
24. 12:04 p.m. Los Angeles International Airport, the destination of three of the hijacked American Airlines
    flights, is evacuated
25. 12:25 p.m. San Francisco International Airport is evacuated and shut down
26. 1:04 p.m. President Bush speaks from Barksdale Airforce Base in Louisiana
27. 1:45 p.m. Pentagon announces that warships and aircraft carriers will take up positions in the New
    York and Washington areas
28. 8:30 p.m. President Bush addresses nation from White House

I'll admit that day was hard for me. I was living with my Grandma, however, she was on a trip to Europe while this happened and I was alone. I really didn't have anyone to process what was in my head and it stayed there. For quite some time. I slept on the couch with the doors locked and the windows covered. I had the TV on all the time. I didn't want to see it over and over but I couldn't bear the thought that I was missing out on something. I had lots of sleepless nights. Nights where I begged for sleep to come.

In the time since then I have changed. But then agian, who hasn't? Whether or not you were emotionally effected, your life has changed. We need to rememeber this day, the people that lost their lives and that our world isn't all roses.

My freebie

I was late to work today. Which is like most days lately. I could sleep forever in the mornings.

Anyway, on my way to work and I passed a truck going about 39 in the 50 mph zone on a 2 lane road. When I got done passing the truck I guess I just decided to continue on at that speed. I guess it's my new driving style...habit? I've been driving Pete's car all summer and it has a radar detector in it. That thing not only beeps at police cars with radar, it beeps at Walgreens stores, Circuit City stores, and some other local places. The point is that I've gotten used to the thing.

Only this morning I was in my suv. No radar detector in there. So as soon as I got to the top of the hill, I saw the police car coming at me with lights flashing. I immediately knew that the flashing lights were for me. So at the next little street I pulled off, rolled down the window and waited for him. All the while muttering under my breath about how stupid I was.

When he walked up he asked for my license and insurance. I reached over and got the license out and pulled out the insurance information and handed it over to him. As I was doing that I notified him that I have a permit to carry a firearm, but that there was no weapons in the vehicle or on me. As I was doing that he noticed my work information and asked about it. I told him what I did and he consdered it for a minute.

He handed me back my license and insurnace information and said that he would just verbally warn me this time. However, I needed to be mindful of my speed. I apologized and thanked him.

As I pulled away, I realized that this was the first time that I had been pulled over for speeding. And that it was my freebie so I needed to take adavantage of it and mind my speed.

I'm crazy, right?

It's t minus 17 days to the wedding. Still lots to be done. Little things though - like making signs, making these little circle DIY things for the aisle, making a menu of the meats so people know what they are... Little things.

And what am I doing this weekend? Going camping from Friday morning to Sunday night.

Crazy, right? Actually I am looking forward to it. It's relaxing and it's the last campout of the season. It's fallish weather (but I'm convinced it will be a bit warmer for the wedding in a few weeks) and sleeping in the cool air is so nice.

He can't come

I feel badly for Pete. His best friend, the one that he talks to about anything and everything, can't come to the wedding. He'd been trying to find a way to get here from Texas, but it doesn't look like he'll be able to come. I know that Pete really wanted him here.

I am going to marry a wonderful man

Last night Pete decided at 8pm that he had to go to the store. HAD to. Said that he needed to return things and wanted to look for something for the car. So he left and I went upstairs to do laundry and read. And hour later I called him because it had been so long. He said that he was on his way home.

He got home and came upstairs and I asked him what took him so long. He said that he was just wondering around. I kept thinking, "How weird."

This morning, as always, he kissed me goodbye before he left. Then called me to wake me up later on his drive. We talked and hung up and I got ready for work. I came down and got my lunch ready and put dinner in the crockpot and found a vase of roses and a wonderful card. The card described how our life together will be, in his eyes.

I cried. Then I called him and left him a message thanking him for it all.

I hung up and got my work back to pack my lunch and there was another card telling me that he is going to marry his best friend and a candy bar.

I cried again.

I cried because I have found that man who loves me unconditionally. Who cares for me. Who makes me feel like a million bucks every day.

Want to know how I know this? We were in Ikea looking for things for the wedding. One of them was a vase and I made a flip remark about still waiting for flowers from him. Well he did it. 3 days later. And beautifully at that.