Deep down, I know that I love myself, just as I am. But the day to day me isn't always so sure.
After losing weight I was liking my body, but the good and the bad parts. But with the surgery scars and the weight gain, I feel the self doubt filling in those empty spots. My scar is long and red and raised. Ready? Be gentle with me, because this is the first time I'm publicly sharing some of my scars.
This is my abdomen scar. Where they took skin and tissue to rebuild the breasts. The scar runs from buttock around the front to the other buttock.
Why am I sharing this now? I watched some documentary where they talked about self doubt and hate. One of the things that a therapist said, what she would prescribe that patients go home and post on their bathroom mirror: I love myself unconditionally! Read it twice a day and say it out loud. She said that the first 20 days or so would be filled with self doubt, criticism and sometimes hate. But after day 20 those critical statements after the sentence would get less and less. After 30 days, they're down to very few.
So, I'm here to say that I love myself. I'm not perfect (no one is) and I have things that I can improve upon. I'll do those when my body and mind are ready to tackle them again. Until then, I'm choosing to give myself grace and be ok with where I am.