So today is day 3 on an antidepressant and day 1 of counseling.
The antidepressant is going to take some getting used to and some time to build up in my body. The first day I took it in the morning at the suggestion of the pharmacist. It made me sleepy and it really made me nauseated for about 4 hours. No good. So I started taking it at night. It's working better. But last night I woke up in the middle of the night extremely thirsty. I drank water but it made my stomach worse and I was awake for a bit.
All morning I kept telling myself I was dumb for scheduling counseling; I really didn't need counseling. Then I wondered if the emotional crying and stuff was simply my normal menstrual cycle? After all the signs that I used to have are gone/changed since surgery and I have a harder time knowing my body signals.
Pete pointed out to me that I tend to want things to fit in categories, be specific. Not everything can be categorized. Maybe some of my anxiety and issues with this is that I can't categorize it all. He's s smart man and I realized that maybe he's right. I may not fit in a category, but it doesn't mean I'm not part of of the larger group.
Today's counseling session was spent learning my story, my family history and my life. At the end she asked me to think of goals that I'd like to work towards so that I know when I'm making progress. She also commented that I'm pretty hard on myself and I should think about interrupting the negative self talk and allowing myself grace. When she said that I about fell to the floor. It was like she knew that I was trying to live in grace for 2013. It was some confirmation that maybe things do happen for a reason and choosing that word was no accident for 2013.
So I'm going to keep a note on my phone and start recording some of the goals I want to achieve and where I want to see myself. Some of the things I'd like to learn and how I can be a better version of me.