193; T Minus 24 Hours

In 24 hours I'll be on the operating table.

My stomach is in knots.
My heart is racing.
My mind is spinning.

My plan is to be doing something, anything, ALL. DAY. LONG.

I'm totally admitting that I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought comfort foods; chocolate, crackers, Velveeta Shells & Cheese, Chocolate Chex Mix, Noosa Yogurt (high calorie), apple pie with whipped cream, Red Velvet Ice Cream..."

Some of it I've been indulging in now and others I'm leaving for after surgery.  I've been losing weight though because my stomach is in knots so much.  Not the way I want to lose it.

So I'm off to pick up prescriptions, get my glasses adjusted because I'll be wearing them a lot and getting a mani/pedi.  I can't have colored polish on my fingers so it's clear for them.  My toes, however, will be a bright F-U to cancer purple or something.

I haven't shared this journey with everyone in my life.  My Facebook page has been quiet about this and I've been selective in who I tell.  I'm trying to decide if I should just put a status on there so it's out and I can talk about it or if I want to keep it quiet.  You can't take back something like this and I've regretted saying something to a group already.  It's not a secret, but I don't want pity and I don't want this to dominate conversations forever, you know?  Decisions...

Remember when I chose a word to live by for 2013?  GRACE is my word.  I've been thinking a lot about this.  I think it was meant to be that I chose that.  I hope that I am living in grace with all of this.  I hope that I have grace offered to me from the world, from friends, family and God.

So I'll be back to update as soon as I can.