1:30am Epiphany

Thursday night was another one of my "every other night no sleep" nights.  I fell asleep at about midnight only to wake up at 1:30 and be awake.  I laid in bed and Pete rolled over and asked me if I was ok.  Yep, just awake again.  Poor guy.  I told him to go back to sleep and laid there thinking that maybe I'd fall back asleep.

Then my mind started spinning it's web of "I should have done x,y,z." "I need to do x, y, z." "What if I...?"  "What about...?" "What will happen when...?"  At that point I knew that I wasn't getting back to sleep so I picked up my phone and started surfing, reading and playing card games. 

Then I had an epiphany.  If I used blogs to motivate me. support me and find answers for losing weight, why wasn't I using them to get answers for mastectomies, reconstruction, choices and genetic testing?  By this time I knew that I wasn't going to be able so sleep the rest of the night, but that was ok. 

I quickly found one blog that lead to more blogs that lead to other blogs.  And I can't believe that it took me so long to use this resource.  Dumb. 

One book that everyone kept recommending was: The Breast Reconstruction Guidebook by Kathy Steligo.  So I downloaded it to my Nook and started reading.  I'm about halfway done currently.  It's a straight forward book that deals with how a mastectomy works and the various issues surrounding reconstruction.  Everything from mastectomy scars, to types of reconstruction, to weekly planning before, to afterwards and even a chapter about how to address insurance issues.  I've been highlighting sections that I want to remember and taking notes in my notebook (the best of both worlds - new electronic technology AND old fashioned pen & paper!)

I slept better the rest of the weekend.  It still takes me until at midnight to fall asleep and I wake up several times, but I'm not wide awake all night.  I think the feeling of having more knowledge is empowering and allowing me to relax a bit more.