190.8; The Pain of Food Sticking

When I decided that I wanted a gastric band there were plenty of people who told me not to do it.  I heard their concerns and thought about them all.  But after discussing it with my doctor and thinking about everything, I felt it was the best decision for me.  For me.  That's the important part.  It may not be for everyone and in fact, it really isn't for everyone.

And it's no magic bullet or I'd be about 150 pounds by now.  Instead I work hard 4-6 times a week, at 5am at the YMCA and watch what I eat.  I get comments all the time from the same people, who watch me eat.  Comments about aren't I eating too much?  Aren't I eating the wrong things?  I'm polite and I smile.  Inside I'm pissed off.  I'm not commenting on how they eat.  But somehow because I've lost weight (whether they know about the band or not) my eating is open for vocal criticizing. 

Yesterday my family went out to celebrate my Mom's birthday.  She wanted TGIFridays so that's where we went.  We didn't meet until 6pm and by the time we ordered and food for 8 came out it was close to 7pm.  Pete and I shared a 10 ounce steak (that was more like 7-8 ounces without the fat), 6 tiny grilled shrimp, mashed potatoes and a tomato salad.  When the food came I gave Pete all the potatoes and took the tomato salad.

I started with the steak and I was hungry.  It tasted good, but wasn't the most tender.  I had about 2 ounces of the steak and started on the shrimp.  At that point, I felt something stick.  It turns out that I should have listened to my body.  But I didn't.  I dismissed it and at the 3 shrimp, chewing very carefully.  By the end of the 3rd shrimp I knew that I was in trouble.

So I excused myself to go to the bathroom.  Sometimes walking helps and I didn't really want to go through a sticking incident in front of my family.  I spent painful 10 minutes in that bathroom.  The steak was really really stuck.  It hurt like hell.  About halfway through it I wanted to go home, but was afraid to leave the bathroom.  Finally I texted Pete to grab my things so we could go.  By the time the check came and he paid, it had gone down.  We went home and my band area is still sore today.

So why did I post about these 2 things in one post?  Because I opened myself up to more criticism.  My family now knows that I get food stuck sometimes and it doesn't go down.  They know that it's painful and causes me to leave a celebration early.  I'm pissed at myself.  I'm mad that I don't listen to my body when this happens.  I'm mad that I had to explain to my Mom later that the band may not be too tight, that it's likely my fault for not listening.  I'm mad because I don't think she understands it, she just wants me to loosen the band.  I'm mad that I did this to myself.  But It reinforces to me that I need to listen to my body.  Not dismiss the signs and go forward.  And if I can't listen to my body then I really do need to have the band loosened.  Dammit.