I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I mean who wouldn't after spending the last 60 days at essentially the same weight? I boast about how I can maintain my weight all the time. How I'm really good at it. How I can do it with the best of them...
On the other side of that I bitch and complain that I can't get any lower than about 204. I'm at a plateau. I'm unable to lose more and must need my band really tight.
But Sunday Pete and I were watching that Extreme Makeover; Weight Loss Edition. One commercial I softly said, "Am I self sabotaging?" To his credit, he was quiet for a long time. So much so that I thought he either didn't hear me or was ignoring me. And although I think I knew the answer on the inside, my heart dropped a bit when he softly said, "Yes."
He waited for me to take that in and explained. He said that I got a good string together at the gym and would be working hard, but then I stop. I tried to interject that I only stop because I injure myself or get sick, but he wouldn't let me. He told me that to lose, I needed to find a way to be consistent with the gym. Inside I prickled and wanted to defend myself, but I also knew that he was right.
So now that I've conceded that I self sabotage. I have to wonder, why do I do it? That's the next answer I need to find. I believe that it has to do with the fact that I'm 'safe' when I'm fat. But I also think that it's something I need to think about more to figure it out fully and how to get past it.