I don't think that I'm competitive. I played sports in school, but on fun leagues in the summer, not through the school. I stopped playing in college because I wasn't competitive enough to get onto a team. Oh I thought I wanted to play fastpitch softball in high school. I went to the gym for tryouts and was intimidated. I ended up staying a few weeks to become a 'trainer' for the team, but that too ended a few weeks later. Part of it was social anxiety, part of it was a lack of competitiveness and part was a lack of confidence.
When I started working out with Pete at the gym I thought he was nuts. He would run for 6 miles after working all day. It would take him 60-120 minutes some days, but he did it. No way in hell was I going to work out that long. Thankyouverymuch. I got on the treadmill or elliptical, did my 40 minutes and however much distance that got me and I stopped. Then Pete went through the band surgery and he was armed with a Polar Heart Rate Monitor. This time he didn't leave the gym until he had 1000=1500 calories burned some days. He was N.U.T.S!!!!
Why am I telling you this? Well as you can tell by the numbers in the titles, I'm not losing weight. I'm frustrated as hell. Before surgery I was running and working out with Body Pump like I am now and I was losing 1-2 pounds a week. I was watching what I ate and drinking lots of water and doing all the same things. However, I can't seem to lose weight no matter how I try.
I went to the gym Saturday and ran 4.35 miles in 60 minutes. It felt awesome. I did a mile jogging, second mile was intervals, third mile jogging, fourth mile intervals. But I only burned about 600 calories. I had a nagging feeling, but didn't talk about it. Sunday Pete wanted to spend about 50 minutes at the gym because he has a healing blister and can't do much cardio. I ended up spending 70 minutes on the treadmill and doing 4.6 miles; burning 800 calories.
I felt like a failure you guys. Seriously. I told Pete that I'm starting to feel like a failure if I'm not burning 1000 calories at the gym at least 5 times a week. But that's exactly the life that I kept telling people that I couldn't sustain before surgery. I can't seem to reconcile this in my head. I know that I'm not failing because clothes are fitting better. Yet the scale is such this albatross around my neck and I can't seem to shake it. So much so that I called my doctor and asked to move up my next fill to next week.
In the mean time I am going to start doing a couple of things. I'm going to roughly log my calories. Roughly meaning, I'm going to sit at the end of the night and calculate what I ate and about how many calories, not attempt to log every bite because I know that does not work for me and I can't have more failure. I'm also going to make a concerted effort to get my hear rate in zone 4 (calorie burn) while working out.