Friday, September 30, 2011

Not Good Enough

Honesty, right?  I mean this is why I have the blog.  To write what's happening in my life.  To be able to look back a week from now, a month from now or a year from now.  To see what I was going through and how I got through it.  And if I'm not honest with myself then I'm not honest to anyone.

I had an opportunity at work that I wasn't chosen for.  In and of it's self, not a big deal.  It's happened before, in fact about this time last year.  And I accept that there are things I want to do that I cannot do based on the department that I work for.  I got notice of it today while in the car on the way back from the Twin Cities Marathon Expo that Pete and I went to.

I wanted to cry.  And yet the whole way home I kept wondering why I was feeling so emotional about this?  It's a work thing.  There have been plenty of disappointments before and they'll be more in the future.  After we got home I dropped Pete off so that I could go shopping and finish my errands. 

While in Target, I again wanted to cry.  And what I realized is that I'm not feeling like "enough" lately.  Not good enough to lose weight on my own.  Not fat/good enough for lap band surgery.  Not good enough to be chosen for the work project. 

Not Good Enough.

And my prayer went something like this: 
Dear God, I can take a lot.  I can handle much.  I can work though problems and issues with the best of them.  But please, send me something.  Anything to show me the way to happiness and that feeling good enough feeling again.  Amen.
Now I'm praying for that sign.

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