Out of Hiding aka Where I'm At Today

I've been on this healthiness journey since November 2007.  Some months were on target and I was losing and feeling good.  Other months were filled with illness/injury and there was either no losing or gaining.  Admittedly, there were also months that I gave up and never worried about being healthy.  There were months that I was so consumed with life and all that goes on, that healthiness never entered my mind.

I've lost a solid 30 pounds.  Oh, I've lost more.  At one point I was up to losing a total of 40 pounds. But in the last year I've yo-yo'd that final 10 pounds more than the elevator in the Sears Tower.  I've counted calories, made meal plans, only shopped for fresh food, eaten more fish, cut up low-fat/low sugar items, eaten every 4 hours, only eaten 3 meals, 1200 calories, high fiber, had a trainer, been a gym rat, taken classes, tried new things, C25K, read books, read blogs, blogged myself, read recipe books, taken challenges...

Where I'm at:  I weigh 237.  I definitely have more muscle than I did 2 years ago.  I have more endurance with cardio.  But I can't get past this plateau.  Because of my weight, I'm at high risk for heart disease, diabetes and breast cancer; I have arthritis in my knees and issues with my feet; I snore and keep my husband and I from sleeping through the night.   I don't want to be here anymore.

Can you guess where this is going? 

I made an appointment with the bariatric surgery center for 8/30/11. 

I know it's not popular.  I know that people are going to tell me not to give up and that I can do it on my own.  But the truth is that I'm not giving up and I will do this on my own.  The truth is that I'm going to do with with another tool to help me.  Just like a calorie counter, the gym and my trainer were tools, so is the gastric banding.

Please don't judge me.  This is a decision not quickly made.  I've thought about this for about 4 years since one of my friends did it.  I've tried several things on my own and with the help of doctors, nutritionists and trainers.  I need more help.  I've discussed my weight at length every 6 months when I see my doctor.  I've discussed this decision with her and she agrees with me.  I hate surgery and fear it because of issues in the past with surgery.  But I'm willing to go through it for ME.  When it comes to medical issues, my motto is always to do the least invasive things first.  And I have. The gyms, the calories, the training, the meals, reading blogs, books, trying new plans.  It's not working.  I need to step up to something more invasive, but that I can live with.

So there.  I've said it.