237; My Fear

I have an admission - I missed the first 2 TRX classes.  The first one I wasn't feeling very good and couldn't see myself participating.  The second one Pete had just come home and was still loopy from the medication and I couldn't leave him.  Last night I went to my first class.

Have I told you that I have social anxiety?  I do.  I dislike new social situations because I'm never quite sure where things are and how "it" goes.  I'm one of those people who sit and take it all in, figure out 'my place' and then start socializing.  Until I can do that and get my footing so to speak, I'm very uncomfortable.  I am getting better though.  My insomnia medication actually is an anti-anxiety med too so the carry over helps out.  And to be honest, Pete helps me feel comfortable.  But Pete can't go everywhere with me.

So yesterday I went to the gym before work (5am) and did my 40 minutes on the treadmill.  We went home and I got ready and went to work.  I worked 10 hours and came home to eat dinner and relax for about 30 minutes.  Then I got my gym clothes back on and went back to the gym for TRX.  I spent 20 minutes of the treadmill before the class so that I was warmed up. 

Now I go to the Y.  It's as family friendly as you can get, unless you work out at home.  Yet there are still the women in full make up and cute ponytail complete with the bump on the top of their head, jewelry and pretty workout clothes.  And they intimidate me.  They're thin and the only working out they do is the gossiping with each other while they walk on the treadmills at a 2.

So this is what I texted Pete while on my treadmill: 

I feel like I'm gonna be the only fat one who won't know what to do.

*sigh*  And to his credit he sent me back a text that said "You're not fat!"  I was intimidated by the perfect people around me and that combined with the social anxiety almost stopped me from going.  But I talked myself into it.  And you know what?  The class was hard.  Within 10 minutes I was sweating so much my shirt was wet.  And there were things that I couldn't do so I had to modify them.  But I did it. 

There have been other times like this.  Other times were I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and did it.  Sometimes the outcome wasn't good.  But mostly, when I push myself and do something new or hard I realize that I CAN DO IT, that I'm not going to die from a new social situation and that even if I don't succeed I have a feeling of accomplishment.