Monday, September 20, 2010

Lost and found

Last December I lost someone. A person who was important to me. Someone who helped me through some difficult times. Someone who I helped. I thought that she'd be there forever, waiting to meet someday at a brewery halfway from me to her.

Since that day, I often think about her. I wonder what would have become of her life had she lived. I wonder where she'd be now. I wonder if her son would have chosen a different path. I wonder if her relationship would have taken a turn. I wonder if she'd have convinced me to meet her this summer. I wonder. I guess I wonder a lot.

All my wondering does no good. It doesn't change that she is gone. It cannot bring her back. So I do my best to remember her. The smile and tilt of her head. Her thoughtfulness. Her willingness to listen. Her daily impact on so may lives.

At times I think the world should stop and everyone should get off and remember her. The way I remember her. Think of her the way I think of her. Respect her memory the way I respect it. And then I'm reminded of one of my favorite sayings: Harboring resentment is like giving yourself a dose of poison and waiting for the other person to die. It isn't going to happen. But it's going to make me unhappy.

So when that happens I look down at the ring I have in her memory and I breathe. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out...

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