Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Wrench In The Plan

My inner dialogue is no longer just that. Today it's a freight train running through my mind. Instead of a wuiet dialogue, it's almost yelling in big fat letters. And I indulged today - caribou Coffee and Cherry Limeade from Sonic. I felt like I deserved it.

The wrench in my plan - Dad's side of the family. All along I've planned it out. If Mom is positive, then Kim and I are tested. If she is negative, then it's over. Only yesterday I realized that we charted Mom's history, not mine and Kim's. So if Mom is negative, we need to chart Kim and I to see if we should still be tested. I hadn't planned on that. It never entered my mind. It plays into my dislike of the unknown. My dislike of having a plan in myhead, working it out and then something new enters and my plan has to change. I'm struggling. Today, I am struggling with the additional knowledge and wondering how to plan it out.

I still think that my Mom is positive. And I'll be pleasantly surprised if both Kim and I are negative.

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