I'm giving in. I'm realizing that I can't do it all and that's ok.
After going to the gym last Saturday - Monday I spent the rest of the week not going at all. In fact, it's Sunday night as I write this and I didn't go all weekend either. I have really really good intentions and plans and internal pep talks.
But it's not happening.
And I realized today that I have to let it go for now. Not the whole eating/living/working out healthy thing. Not that at all. But I have to let go of the me that went to the gym 5-6 days a week and ate chicken/fish and fresh veg for meals.
And that's ok.
I can't fit everything in right now. It's not that I'm doing other things when I'm not at the gym, usually I'm sleeping or just at home. It's that I have too much on my plate mentally to beat myself up over getting to the gym daily. It's that I have some hard times currently and ahead of me and I'm not going to beat myself up if I have a piece of cake. It's that I need to focus on the things that I can do currently and be ok with letting the rest of it go.
Right now I have to tell myself that my goal of losing more weight is on hold for now. My goal now is to maintain what I've got and work on getting myself set up for surgery and recovery. It's a hard thing to accept. And it's scary to think that my goal is something other than losing after having such success for the last few years. But mentally I can't take it any longer. I need to give myself permission to let that go for now.