Thursday, July 12, 2012

204.2; I Have a Confession

My confession isn't big for sure, but it is a confession.

I am never hungry any more.

That's it.  I could likely go all day without eating and not get hungry.  If I am hungry, it's for a quick 2 minutes of grumbling tummy and it's done.  In fact, if I'm busy from the moment I get up to dinner, I don't even notice if I've eaten breakfast or lunch.  The only time that I do get hungry in the morning or at noon is if I've had a heavy workout that morning with running and weights.  Even then, it's gone in a couple of minutes.

Why is this a confession?  Because I've realized that my eating is all in my head.  And this realization is driving me slowly insane.  I can seem to wrap my brain around not eating at times, either because I should because it's meal time or because my brain tells me I'm hungry, but not my body. 

The first, eating at meal times, I realize I need to do.  I can't start skipping meals just because I'm not hungry.  But what I should and need to do, is learn to limit my meals to small ones.  Just because I can eat 2.5 cups, doesn't mean I need to eat that much.  I'm more than satisfied at 1.5 or 2 cups sometimes and I need to stop.  I need to keep in mind that I don't need to clean my plate, it's ok to push back.

The second, is what kills me.  My brain is used to telling me to eat in the afternoon for a snack or in the late evening for dessert.  But I'm not hungry and my body does not need it.  Yet, my brain hasn't rewired it's self to stop sending me that message.  It's been almost 4 months since the surgery and I've lost a total of 16 pounds and I'm not hungry.  Yet my brain still tells to me eat.  I can't help but wonder how long it will take my brain to figure out that I no longer need or want those signals?

So it's slowly driving me nuts that I can't get my brain and my body to be in the same cycle.  I need to figure out how to get it there.

I met with the doctor yesterday.  I am now filled to 8.5 out of 11 cc's. of fluid.  I noticed some resistance yesterday with potatoes and eating too fast this morning.  I hope I'm starting to get to my 'sweet spot' with the fills.  And although I was nervous about asking for meds back, I shouldn't have been.  I explained that I was noticing likely start of arthritis in my hands, soreness all over and period pain.  So I go back to my regular doctor next week to see about a low dose of an NSAID for a month and see how that's doing with my tummy.

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