Monday, March 29, 2010

I'm very sad.

I've talked about this before. How my Mom isn't very supportive and makes demands and thinks that her way is the only way/right way. This weekend it became very clear to me just how narssisstic my Mom is.

My youngest cousin (who is 32 years old) is getting married this August. She is a wonderful person and I'm so very happy that she found her guy. He is a wonderful man who treats her very well. We have all been curious as to their wedding plans and they have been very hush hush about them. I came to believe that they would be doing something different than is normally done in our small family.

My Mom called my sister and I this weekend sounding so dreary and down that we both thought something was wrong. Only to have her tell us that my cousin is getting married in Costa Rica and that only her immeidate family and his immediate family are invited.

My Mom is horrified. She's says that she is disappointed in my cousin. That her fiance must have talked her into this. That they willc ome to regret this decision. Further that she cannot and will not support a marriage/wedding like this. And she will not attend their little at home recption when they get back because she cannot celebrate this.

I sat and listened to her in shock. I had already talked to my sister about it so I knew it was coming. But I was still shocked. I was amazed how my cousin's choice of wedding morphed into being all about my Mom. I wanted to tell her that it's not all about her, but I knew that it wouldn't change her feeling about it. Instead I countered everything she said with something positive. Clearly my Mom didn't like this as the conversation only lasted 8 minutes.

I made me grieve for the mother/daughter relationship that I know will never happen. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been different had my sister and I married very young and had children right away. She was must different then, before her cancer and chemo. And then I think that truely, she would have ended up this way no matter what.

It makes me very very sad to think that I won't ever be close to my Mom. Very sad.

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