I'm picking up 4 kiddos tomorrow morning and going camping for the weekend. So let's see, 4 kiddos from 7-13 (small kid crabby to hormonal teenager), a 1 year old pup, my hubby and his motorcycle and going to a lake to camp for the weekend. Oh year, and it's supposed to be in the 90's with high humidity and a chance of rain. Mosquitoes. For what amounts to be about 48 hours.
So the questions are:
Who comes out of this alive?
Will the adults get any sleep?
Will I be sane by Sunday night?
Will Pete run away on his motorcycle?
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
206.4; Self Sabotage
I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I mean who wouldn't after spending the last 60 days at essentially the same weight? I boast about how I can maintain my weight all the time. How I'm really good at it. How I can do it with the best of them...
On the other side of that I bitch and complain that I can't get any lower than about 204. I'm at a plateau. I'm unable to lose more and must need my band really tight.
But Sunday Pete and I were watching that Extreme Makeover; Weight Loss Edition. One commercial I softly said, "Am I self sabotaging?" To his credit, he was quiet for a long time. So much so that I thought he either didn't hear me or was ignoring me. And although I think I knew the answer on the inside, my heart dropped a bit when he softly said, "Yes."
He waited for me to take that in and explained. He said that I got a good string together at the gym and would be working hard, but then I stop. I tried to interject that I only stop because I injure myself or get sick, but he wouldn't let me. He told me that to lose, I needed to find a way to be consistent with the gym. Inside I prickled and wanted to defend myself, but I also knew that he was right.
So now that I've conceded that I self sabotage. I have to wonder, why do I do it? That's the next answer I need to find. I believe that it has to do with the fact that I'm 'safe' when I'm fat. But I also think that it's something I need to think about more to figure it out fully and how to get past it.
On the other side of that I bitch and complain that I can't get any lower than about 204. I'm at a plateau. I'm unable to lose more and must need my band really tight.
But Sunday Pete and I were watching that Extreme Makeover; Weight Loss Edition. One commercial I softly said, "Am I self sabotaging?" To his credit, he was quiet for a long time. So much so that I thought he either didn't hear me or was ignoring me. And although I think I knew the answer on the inside, my heart dropped a bit when he softly said, "Yes."
He waited for me to take that in and explained. He said that I got a good string together at the gym and would be working hard, but then I stop. I tried to interject that I only stop because I injure myself or get sick, but he wouldn't let me. He told me that to lose, I needed to find a way to be consistent with the gym. Inside I prickled and wanted to defend myself, but I also knew that he was right.
So now that I've conceded that I self sabotage. I have to wonder, why do I do it? That's the next answer I need to find. I believe that it has to do with the fact that I'm 'safe' when I'm fat. But I also think that it's something I need to think about more to figure it out fully and how to get past it.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
207.8; The Btich Inside Me
Last weekend I learned something. We were camping up north for our chapter's camp out. This means that some of us go on a ride with the rest of the group and a few others stay back and greet those who show up during the day. In the past I've always gone on the ride. This year,we brought the dog and I agreed to stay back to greet and watch him.
What ended up happening is that another member brought their dogs and we had a bunch hanging out. When the guys got ready to leave for the ride, I got my Nook and my dog and sat in the shade with the rest of those who stayed back. The riding group ended up being gone for 7 hours, getting back right before dinner time.
In the time they were gone I had no way to leave the site. I rode with someone and didn't have my bike and Pete was gone with his bike. Available to me were things like banana bread, bearclaw donuts, brownies, chips, cookies. All high carb, high sugar foods. And I ate some of them.
My body kept telling me that it needed to eat and I was trying to feed it so that I could continue on. Yet my body HATED that food. And by the time that Pete got back I was a raging bitch full of anxiety and frustration. In his defense, he didn't realize they'd be gone that long and he thought the rest of us at camp would go and eat something in shifts.
Right away I told Pete that we had to ride to the grocery store. My body was calling out for fresh fruit and veggies, lean proteins and food that is good for me and tastes good. This was the first time that I heard my body calling out for food. Both Pete and I learned a good lesson. From now on, we are packing food and not relying on the ability to get what we need by leaving the camp. My 5 pound weight gain from eating crap and sitting around all weekend shows me that I need to be a better planner so my inner bitch doesn't come out again.
What ended up happening is that another member brought their dogs and we had a bunch hanging out. When the guys got ready to leave for the ride, I got my Nook and my dog and sat in the shade with the rest of those who stayed back. The riding group ended up being gone for 7 hours, getting back right before dinner time.
In the time they were gone I had no way to leave the site. I rode with someone and didn't have my bike and Pete was gone with his bike. Available to me were things like banana bread, bearclaw donuts, brownies, chips, cookies. All high carb, high sugar foods. And I ate some of them.
My body kept telling me that it needed to eat and I was trying to feed it so that I could continue on. Yet my body HATED that food. And by the time that Pete got back I was a raging bitch full of anxiety and frustration. In his defense, he didn't realize they'd be gone that long and he thought the rest of us at camp would go and eat something in shifts.
Right away I told Pete that we had to ride to the grocery store. My body was calling out for fresh fruit and veggies, lean proteins and food that is good for me and tastes good. This was the first time that I heard my body calling out for food. Both Pete and I learned a good lesson. From now on, we are packing food and not relying on the ability to get what we need by leaving the camp. My 5 pound weight gain from eating crap and sitting around all weekend shows me that I need to be a better planner so my inner bitch doesn't come out again.
Monday, July 16, 2012
208.2; The Secret to Losing Weight
I belong to a message board community and in the last year there has been a general healthiness of many on the board. Eating better, exercising, running, walking... All good things.
A couple of weeks ago there was a post about how one person had lost weight and when she tried to tell people about it, they didn't respond or completed backed out of the conversation. It turns out that she had a lap band placed over a year ago. When people learn this, they immediately stop asking questions or engaging her in conversation about losing weight.
I tried to explain that those of us who have had lap band specifically are int he same boat as someone who hasn't and is trying to lose weight. We must exercise and watch portions and watch the content of meals. So just because we have a gastric band, don't discount what we have learned about losing weight.
In response, people said that once they learned she had surgery they stopped because they weren't interested in surgery. Again, we are just like you, trying to find the combination of what works with exercise and eating. One person responded that she thought the lap bad lady had lost a lot of weight quickly and wanted to know her secret. She assumes that the lap band is the secret. She assumes that we 'cheat' by using the band and she is not interested in that.
The deal is this...THERE IS NO SECRET.
Yes, the lap band helps us remember to portion control, but we can still over eat and eat around that band. We are just like you!!! We are trying to find the combination of exercise and eating that works for our body specifically. There is no magic secret to losing weight. NONE. There is hard work. There is limiting foods that you once ate, still like and must stop eating or eat less of. There is getting up at 5 am to hit the gym for 4 miles before work. There is going to a party and not grazing all the time.
At the time I gave up on the conversation because it frustrates me that people think I am cheating. THIS STUFF IS FREAKING HARD WORK FOR ME TOO! Last night I watched Extreme Makeover: Weight loss Edition and at the end Chris told a story about Nyla. She had signed up for the show thinking that he had some magic, easy secret to losing weight. She found out that it's only done through determination and hard work. It occurred to me that these people that I meet and talk to who think that I am cheating, yet as for my secret, are looking for their own way to cheat their weight loss.
THERE IS NO SECRET. THERE IS NO CHEAT.
I work just has freaking hard as the next person to control what I eat, when I eat it and to desire to exercise.
A couple of weeks ago there was a post about how one person had lost weight and when she tried to tell people about it, they didn't respond or completed backed out of the conversation. It turns out that she had a lap band placed over a year ago. When people learn this, they immediately stop asking questions or engaging her in conversation about losing weight.
I tried to explain that those of us who have had lap band specifically are int he same boat as someone who hasn't and is trying to lose weight. We must exercise and watch portions and watch the content of meals. So just because we have a gastric band, don't discount what we have learned about losing weight.
In response, people said that once they learned she had surgery they stopped because they weren't interested in surgery. Again, we are just like you, trying to find the combination of what works with exercise and eating. One person responded that she thought the lap bad lady had lost a lot of weight quickly and wanted to know her secret. She assumes that the lap band is the secret. She assumes that we 'cheat' by using the band and she is not interested in that.
The deal is this...THERE IS NO SECRET.
Yes, the lap band helps us remember to portion control, but we can still over eat and eat around that band. We are just like you!!! We are trying to find the combination of exercise and eating that works for our body specifically. There is no magic secret to losing weight. NONE. There is hard work. There is limiting foods that you once ate, still like and must stop eating or eat less of. There is getting up at 5 am to hit the gym for 4 miles before work. There is going to a party and not grazing all the time.
At the time I gave up on the conversation because it frustrates me that people think I am cheating. THIS STUFF IS FREAKING HARD WORK FOR ME TOO! Last night I watched Extreme Makeover: Weight loss Edition and at the end Chris told a story about Nyla. She had signed up for the show thinking that he had some magic, easy secret to losing weight. She found out that it's only done through determination and hard work. It occurred to me that these people that I meet and talk to who think that I am cheating, yet as for my secret, are looking for their own way to cheat their weight loss.
THERE IS NO SECRET. THERE IS NO CHEAT.
I work just has freaking hard as the next person to control what I eat, when I eat it and to desire to exercise.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
204.2; I Have a Confession
My confession isn't big for sure, but it is a confession.
I am never hungry any more.
That's it. I could likely go all day without eating and not get hungry. If I am hungry, it's for a quick 2 minutes of grumbling tummy and it's done. In fact, if I'm busy from the moment I get up to dinner, I don't even notice if I've eaten breakfast or lunch. The only time that I do get hungry in the morning or at noon is if I've had a heavy workout that morning with running and weights. Even then, it's gone in a couple of minutes.
Why is this a confession? Because I've realized that my eating is all in my head. And this realization is driving me slowly insane. I can seem to wrap my brain around not eating at times, either because I should because it's meal time or because my brain tells me I'm hungry, but not my body.
The first, eating at meal times, I realize I need to do. I can't start skipping meals just because I'm not hungry. But what I should and need to do, is learn to limit my meals to small ones. Just because I can eat 2.5 cups, doesn't mean I need to eat that much. I'm more than satisfied at 1.5 or 2 cups sometimes and I need to stop. I need to keep in mind that I don't need to clean my plate, it's ok to push back.
The second, is what kills me. My brain is used to telling me to eat in the afternoon for a snack or in the late evening for dessert. But I'm not hungry and my body does not need it. Yet, my brain hasn't rewired it's self to stop sending me that message. It's been almost 4 months since the surgery and I've lost a total of 16 pounds and I'm not hungry. Yet my brain still tells to me eat. I can't help but wonder how long it will take my brain to figure out that I no longer need or want those signals?
So it's slowly driving me nuts that I can't get my brain and my body to be in the same cycle. I need to figure out how to get it there.
I met with the doctor yesterday. I am now filled to 8.5 out of 11 cc's. of fluid. I noticed some resistance yesterday with potatoes and eating too fast this morning. I hope I'm starting to get to my 'sweet spot' with the fills. And although I was nervous about asking for meds back, I shouldn't have been. I explained that I was noticing likely start of arthritis in my hands, soreness all over and period pain. So I go back to my regular doctor next week to see about a low dose of an NSAID for a month and see how that's doing with my tummy.
I am never hungry any more.
That's it. I could likely go all day without eating and not get hungry. If I am hungry, it's for a quick 2 minutes of grumbling tummy and it's done. In fact, if I'm busy from the moment I get up to dinner, I don't even notice if I've eaten breakfast or lunch. The only time that I do get hungry in the morning or at noon is if I've had a heavy workout that morning with running and weights. Even then, it's gone in a couple of minutes.
Why is this a confession? Because I've realized that my eating is all in my head. And this realization is driving me slowly insane. I can seem to wrap my brain around not eating at times, either because I should because it's meal time or because my brain tells me I'm hungry, but not my body.
The first, eating at meal times, I realize I need to do. I can't start skipping meals just because I'm not hungry. But what I should and need to do, is learn to limit my meals to small ones. Just because I can eat 2.5 cups, doesn't mean I need to eat that much. I'm more than satisfied at 1.5 or 2 cups sometimes and I need to stop. I need to keep in mind that I don't need to clean my plate, it's ok to push back.
The second, is what kills me. My brain is used to telling me to eat in the afternoon for a snack or in the late evening for dessert. But I'm not hungry and my body does not need it. Yet, my brain hasn't rewired it's self to stop sending me that message. It's been almost 4 months since the surgery and I've lost a total of 16 pounds and I'm not hungry. Yet my brain still tells to me eat. I can't help but wonder how long it will take my brain to figure out that I no longer need or want those signals?
So it's slowly driving me nuts that I can't get my brain and my body to be in the same cycle. I need to figure out how to get it there.
I met with the doctor yesterday. I am now filled to 8.5 out of 11 cc's. of fluid. I noticed some resistance yesterday with potatoes and eating too fast this morning. I hope I'm starting to get to my 'sweet spot' with the fills. And although I was nervous about asking for meds back, I shouldn't have been. I explained that I was noticing likely start of arthritis in my hands, soreness all over and period pain. So I go back to my regular doctor next week to see about a low dose of an NSAID for a month and see how that's doing with my tummy.
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