Sometimes I feel as though my weight, my efforts to lose weight and all that surrounds it overwhelms my life. It's as though I am always thinking about it. Yet I read stories such as this one in the local paper: Better Eating Is A Tall Order and realize that obecity is overwhelming our population. Then I don't feel so badly about being focused on it.
I tried to explain to someone I work with that the portions I eat are nothing like the portions that many/most Americans eat. I can easily split and entree with Pete at a restaurant and walk away satisfied, if not full. And yet, I see plates of food coming to people at my table or other tables and I know that they will finish the whole entree themselves. My co-worker asked me if I judged those people. My quick response was no, but the more I thought about it, I may do just that.
Before you get upset, let me explain. It's similar to what I said yesterday about the clothes and the women at Stella's. It's not that I judge them for eating that much, I judge them against what I used to be. Better explained, I used to be that person who ate everything on my plate at a restaurant. I know now, that I don't need to do that. Others, who haven't gone through what I have, don't see it that way. And that's ok, it's not me making the choice for them. And honestly, I saw people sharing plates prior to having surgery and thought it was dumb. Now I realize that it's just what works for Pete and I.
When I read the story above (which is about how Farmer's Markets are trying to entice people to use them), what stuck out is that we are desensitized to the large portions that we are served every day. And it's true. I never thought anything about eating the whole sweet potato, the 6 ounce steak, the whole caesar salad and 2-3 rolls at Texas Roadhouse. Yet today there is no way in hell I could eat that much. That plate to me, now, is overwhelming. Yet people go there every day and consume that meal.
Now is it easy to scale back your portions? Nope. Your body and more importantly, your brain is so used to the portions sizes that scaling back seems like you are depriving yourself. It's a huge mind game to make even me believe that I don't need more than 1-2 cups of food at ANY meal and still survive. But I'm here to tell you that it's true.
What's all this mean? Look at your portion sizes at the next meal. Think about when you were satisfied while eating, not full. Can you walk away satisfied and not reach full? What happens when you do?
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
205.2; My Talk With Pete
Last night Pete and I had a date of sorts. We went to Stella's Fish Cafe as part of restaurant week. It's perfect for us really. For $30 we split an appetizer, a main dish and a dessert. Perfect.
We had never been to Stella's before, but saw it often when we went to listen to the blues at Famous Dave's in Uptown. We walked up and up and up these stairs to get to the rooftop and were immediately seated next to the rail. It was a gorgeous night with the lingering sun and a slight breeze. I felt especially girly and summery in one of my cotton dresses. Pete looked handsome in his black slacks and stripped collar shirt.
We had wonderful food and people watched the entire time. I felt girly, like I belonged there because I looked like the other women there. If you've ever been big and not well dressed for your size, you will understand what I mean. It's a sense that you are big and only have limited clothing so you wear what is available, not what is in style. I commented about this several times to Pete and he said it's similar for men, although he admitted a little easier.
Towards the end of the meal, two women walked by. Both in jean capris with double tank tops and hair tied up in a loose knot. Only one was "normal" and one was "big". The larger of the two held her arms crossed in front of her the whole time and she looked very uncomfortable. I wanted so badly to reach out to her and tell her that I have been her...that I understand her. But the awkwardness of it all kept me from doing that. So I commented to Pete that I was her. He commented back that he was her too.
How profound. I asked Pete why we never shared this before? Why didn't we share in the awkwardness of being big and trying to cover it up and not being happy? He didn't know and at the time I didn't know. But I think now, it's because you really don't understand how unhappy you are. And this is not to say that I wasn't a happy person when I was big, because I was happy. But I certainly wasn't happy about how I didn't fit in.
And right or wrong I have to admit that I see bigger women and I compare myself to them. Not my lower weight me, my big me. I compare myself when I was big to what they look like and I try to see myself in them. I wonder if I looked that unhappy? Did I look that big? Were my hips that wide? Did my clothes fit badly/were they too tight? I'm not judging them, I'm judging the old me. When I can't tell, I ask Pete if I looked like them. Was I as heavy as them? It's as though I can't remember the old me, yet I don't know the new me very well either. I'm stuck not knowing the outside me at all any more. And it's somewhat frightening. To be 42 years old and not know myself.
I left dinner deep in thought and feeling closer to my husband than ever. We've gone through the same things, but at different times. We've seen each other big and small. And I hope soon I'll learn the new me and understand how it all fits together.
We had never been to Stella's before, but saw it often when we went to listen to the blues at Famous Dave's in Uptown. We walked up and up and up these stairs to get to the rooftop and were immediately seated next to the rail. It was a gorgeous night with the lingering sun and a slight breeze. I felt especially girly and summery in one of my cotton dresses. Pete looked handsome in his black slacks and stripped collar shirt.
We had wonderful food and people watched the entire time. I felt girly, like I belonged there because I looked like the other women there. If you've ever been big and not well dressed for your size, you will understand what I mean. It's a sense that you are big and only have limited clothing so you wear what is available, not what is in style. I commented about this several times to Pete and he said it's similar for men, although he admitted a little easier.
Towards the end of the meal, two women walked by. Both in jean capris with double tank tops and hair tied up in a loose knot. Only one was "normal" and one was "big". The larger of the two held her arms crossed in front of her the whole time and she looked very uncomfortable. I wanted so badly to reach out to her and tell her that I have been her...that I understand her. But the awkwardness of it all kept me from doing that. So I commented to Pete that I was her. He commented back that he was her too.
How profound. I asked Pete why we never shared this before? Why didn't we share in the awkwardness of being big and trying to cover it up and not being happy? He didn't know and at the time I didn't know. But I think now, it's because you really don't understand how unhappy you are. And this is not to say that I wasn't a happy person when I was big, because I was happy. But I certainly wasn't happy about how I didn't fit in.
And right or wrong I have to admit that I see bigger women and I compare myself to them. Not my lower weight me, my big me. I compare myself when I was big to what they look like and I try to see myself in them. I wonder if I looked that unhappy? Did I look that big? Were my hips that wide? Did my clothes fit badly/were they too tight? I'm not judging them, I'm judging the old me. When I can't tell, I ask Pete if I looked like them. Was I as heavy as them? It's as though I can't remember the old me, yet I don't know the new me very well either. I'm stuck not knowing the outside me at all any more. And it's somewhat frightening. To be 42 years old and not know myself.
I left dinner deep in thought and feeling closer to my husband than ever. We've gone through the same things, but at different times. We've seen each other big and small. And I hope soon I'll learn the new me and understand how it all fits together.
Monday, July 09, 2012
205.2: How Do You Cheer Someone Up?
I struggle with this. It seems simple, but really it's not.
Pete has been down lately with not working. We had to cancel plans for the 4th of July and he was really down, didn't want to go anywhere and kind of moped around the house. I intended to cheer him up. However, I couldn't spend much money and it had to be something that was at home.
My go to cheering up thing: food. So I took ribs out of the freezer, bought potatoes for a new recipe, got the new can of baked beans out and some crusty bread for garlic bread. Of course I got whole milk and cream for home made ice cream.
On the way home I realized what I had done. I had created this carb overloaded meal with a fat and sugar filled finish. This certainly isn't what either of us needs in our healthiness journey. But I did it anyway. And while I was making it I thought about why I had done it. What I came to realize is that I wanted to comfort Pete and for me, comfort includes indulgent foods. Now it's not necessarily a bad thing to indulge once and a while, in fact, I'd say it's healthy to do so. But for the right reasons. Wanting to comfort bad feelings away isn't the right reasons.
So even since the 4th I've been trying to figure out how to not spend much money and cheer Pete up. But I'm blank. He didn't want to go riding because the plans we had involved riding and he didn't want to waste money. It was too hot out to go somewhere with the dog for a walk or something else to get his mind off of it. He had been spending lots of time watching TV and on the internet searching for jobs so TV was out. A movie means spending money. As you can tell I'm still blank.
So how do you comfort someone/cheer them up without using food?
Pete has been down lately with not working. We had to cancel plans for the 4th of July and he was really down, didn't want to go anywhere and kind of moped around the house. I intended to cheer him up. However, I couldn't spend much money and it had to be something that was at home.
My go to cheering up thing: food. So I took ribs out of the freezer, bought potatoes for a new recipe, got the new can of baked beans out and some crusty bread for garlic bread. Of course I got whole milk and cream for home made ice cream.
On the way home I realized what I had done. I had created this carb overloaded meal with a fat and sugar filled finish. This certainly isn't what either of us needs in our healthiness journey. But I did it anyway. And while I was making it I thought about why I had done it. What I came to realize is that I wanted to comfort Pete and for me, comfort includes indulgent foods. Now it's not necessarily a bad thing to indulge once and a while, in fact, I'd say it's healthy to do so. But for the right reasons. Wanting to comfort bad feelings away isn't the right reasons.
So even since the 4th I've been trying to figure out how to not spend much money and cheer Pete up. But I'm blank. He didn't want to go riding because the plans we had involved riding and he didn't want to waste money. It was too hot out to go somewhere with the dog for a walk or something else to get his mind off of it. He had been spending lots of time watching TV and on the internet searching for jobs so TV was out. A movie means spending money. As you can tell I'm still blank.
So how do you comfort someone/cheer them up without using food?
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
203.0; I Pushed Through
Satuday and Sunday I ran 4 miles each. I did a lot of stretching in the middle of running. I had Pete roll out my legs before and after I went to the gym. But ultimately what it took is me pushing through it all to get to where I want to be.
Monday morning I went and did the Body Pump class.
All I can say is that 2 weeks off of most exercise does make your body forget the motions. Forget the stretching, pulling, twisting. In other words, my legs are so sore that I look like I'm about 142 years old. But the bottom line is that I pushed through and got my workout mojo back.
Which brings me to this: I think that there I am not going to ever be the type of person who works out 6 days a week, hard core, all the time. What I mean to say is that I will always work out because I love the results and I think it's part of being a healthy person. However, I think that there will be times when I'm so very committed to it and times when I need a 1-2 week break from the gym. I need time to let my body and mind rest.
I wonder if Pete and I are the only people that seem to do this? I read so many workout and healthiness blogs where the writers are hard core in the gym and eating correctly 95% of the time. Do you do this? If so I'd love to get in your brain and figure out how you constantly do it.
Monday morning I went and did the Body Pump class.
All I can say is that 2 weeks off of most exercise does make your body forget the motions. Forget the stretching, pulling, twisting. In other words, my legs are so sore that I look like I'm about 142 years old. But the bottom line is that I pushed through and got my workout mojo back.
Which brings me to this: I think that there I am not going to ever be the type of person who works out 6 days a week, hard core, all the time. What I mean to say is that I will always work out because I love the results and I think it's part of being a healthy person. However, I think that there will be times when I'm so very committed to it and times when I need a 1-2 week break from the gym. I need time to let my body and mind rest.
I wonder if Pete and I are the only people that seem to do this? I read so many workout and healthiness blogs where the writers are hard core in the gym and eating correctly 95% of the time. Do you do this? If so I'd love to get in your brain and figure out how you constantly do it.
Monday, July 02, 2012
203.8; My Plan for 7/11/12
I've talked before about how I had to stop taking an Nsaid as part of the band proceedure. On 7/11 I go in for another fill. At that appointment I need to have a talk with my doctor about options to try taking the Nsaid again. I'm not looking forward to it.
I've noticed that my jaw is really sore, a lot. It aches like it hasn't ached since before I went to the pain clinic just after 2000 and started my current pain managment program. I don't know that I can live with this pain all the time.
I've noticed that my hands ache a lot also. I'd notice in prior winters, that if my hands were really cold on a particular day, the joints ached. I'd use heat to help, but sometimes not even heat helped. Now it's summer and my hands are warm a lot. However, they ache a lot, especially the right one. Sometimes they ache after a long day of motorcycle riding and I don't ever want to give that up. I'm worried that I have the start of arthristis in them and I really need an Nsaid to help that out.
I'm also have issues with my monthly cycle that the Nsaid is really needed for. I have bad cramps and some other symptoms that my doctor feels would benefit from the Nsaid.
I've noticed that my body in general aches more now than it ever has. I'm nervous to ask her about the Nsaid, because I agreed up front that I would have to stop these. Despite the fact that she said I could try taking them afterwards if I really need them, I feel like I am failing by asking her about them. I'm likely making a bigger deal of this than I need to, but I'm nervous.
I've noticed that my jaw is really sore, a lot. It aches like it hasn't ached since before I went to the pain clinic just after 2000 and started my current pain managment program. I don't know that I can live with this pain all the time.
I've noticed that my hands ache a lot also. I'd notice in prior winters, that if my hands were really cold on a particular day, the joints ached. I'd use heat to help, but sometimes not even heat helped. Now it's summer and my hands are warm a lot. However, they ache a lot, especially the right one. Sometimes they ache after a long day of motorcycle riding and I don't ever want to give that up. I'm worried that I have the start of arthristis in them and I really need an Nsaid to help that out.
I'm also have issues with my monthly cycle that the Nsaid is really needed for. I have bad cramps and some other symptoms that my doctor feels would benefit from the Nsaid.
I've noticed that my body in general aches more now than it ever has. I'm nervous to ask her about the Nsaid, because I agreed up front that I would have to stop these. Despite the fact that she said I could try taking them afterwards if I really need them, I feel like I am failing by asking her about them. I'm likely making a bigger deal of this than I need to, but I'm nervous.
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