204.6; My ONEDERLAND Reward

Do you watch Biggest Loser?  If you do, you know what onederland is.  Onederland is that day when you step on the scale and you are no longer in the two hundreds.  The day that your weight dips below 200 pounds.  It's always a celebration for the women on Biggest Loser.

This is my SparkPeople app on my iPhone.  It's where I keep track of my weight daily.  As you can see, there is a definite downward trend, which is a good thing.  You may also see on that little chart that I'm getting closer and closer to 200.  And closer and closer to ONEDERLAND!  I haven't seen a 1 on the scale since college.

When I've reached ONEDERLAND and stayed there for at least a week I have a reward planned. 

Rose Compass

A tattoo.  My ONEDERLAND tattoo is going to be a red heart on the inside of my ring finger.  Pete had a wedding band tattoo'd on his ring finger last summer and I'd like something too.  But unlike Pete, I'm waiting my tattoos to be personal and only show them when I want to.  I also have clients who have boundary issues and I'm not going to parade tattoos in front of them to get questions about them.  I'm both excited and scared!

The rose compass up there?  It means a lot to me.  It's used or was used in sailing to tell the direction of the ship.  My journey through life certainly hasn't been a straightforward one.  In fact, It's taken turns and spins and falls everywhere.  I believe that my internal compass kept me on the path that I needed to go, not the path I necessarily wanted to go.  I also believe that my compass will not lead me wrongly and get me not only to where I am going, but back home safe and sound. 

So for my goal weight reward, I'm going to get the rose compass tattoo'd on the outside of my leg, just above my ankle.  I still have time to think about this one and I want to modify it slightly and add a small saying with it.  I wear a ring daily that has "Michelle + Pete 9/26/08" to remind me of our wedding.  I wear another ring that says "Don't Postpone Joy" in honor of a friend who is no longer living.  I want to find a saying about enjoying the journey I'm taking.

So do you have any rewards planned for anything you're trying to accomplish in life?

206.2; I Ate Bacon

All things in moderation, right?  I never went in all of this to cut out everything bad from my life.  There are things that I don't know that I could live without.  Like cupcakes.  Lovely frosted moist cupcakes. 

For the last couple of weeks all I could think about is a BLT.  I tried to put it out of my head when I'd think about it and make myself that chicken and veggies.  When it became clear that I wasn't going to get it out of my head, I gave in. 

Yes, you read that correctly.  I gave in.  Only I did it differently than in the past.  In the past I would have cooked a pound of bacon for Pete and I to polish off in about 15 minutes of eating dinner.  I could have made myself 4 pieces of toast and slathered on gobs of full fat mayo.  We'd have eaten this with chips and had ice cream for dessert.

Last night I cooked 1/2 pound of bacon and cut up 2 big tomatoes and half a head of lettuce.  I used good sourdough bread that I knew I would enjoy, but 2 pieces only.  I used olive oil mayo with less fat and spread only only enough to coat the bread.  I used thick slices of red and yellow tomatoes (no salt).  I put several layers of lettuce on, instead of just one.  Then I used my 4 pieces of bacon.  Center cut bacon with less fat cooked on a grill top that I scrape frequently so the bacon isn't frying in it's own grease. 

I roasted corn in tin foil in the oven.  Before I put it in the foil, I mixed cumin, chili powder and smoked paprika with some black pepper (no salt).  I wet the ear of corn in water and rolled it in the spices.  Then I sealed it up and roasted it at 450 degrees for 25 minutes.  Spicy and flavorful without butter or salt. 

When I sat down to eat, I took my time and enjoyed my BLT and mt corn and was full after the sandwich and half the corn.

Everything in moderation!

205.6; Pete Update

I haven't talked about Pete much and his journey with the band.  I've been focused on myself, probably as I should be.  But I do believe that Pete has figured out his new normal.

For the longest time he had a hard time switching from losing to maintaining.  I've been reading about maintaining a lot and apparently this is a hard thing for anyone losing weight, surgery or not.  You spend so much time getting into losing mode in the first place that when you finally get there you rejoice.  You spend a great deal of time in that losing mode and you get used to it.  It's familiar, comfortable.  You spend time figuring out how to avoid that horrible word of plateau.  However, at some point you have to transition to maintaining. 

Apparently this is hard.  Harder than figuring out losing.  In losing, you know that you need a calorie deficit to keep it going.  You understand what you can and cannot eat.  In maintaining you have to firstly figure out what your weight should be.  And I don't mean by BMI standards either.  I mean, where you are comfortable with your body.  You have to actually figure out a way to actually plateau.  And more than a challenge physically, it's a challenge mentally.  Your body plays jokes on your brain and you have to sort out all the jokes to get to the actual information you need.

Pete is there.  For the last 5 months or so he's stayed between 183-189.  He's figured out that he is comfortable with his body at this weight.  However, by BMI standards he is still overweight.  Does he look overweight?

May 2012

He's figured out that he can indulge in certain things for a certain amount of time before he has to reign it in and concentrate on what he is eating and when.  He's figured out that he still needs to go to the gym 4-5 times a week to do both cardio and weights.  He's figured out how to live in his new body. 

I have to be honest.  I don't even remember the old us:

September 2010

I couldn't be prouder of Pete for all his hard word and figuring it out!  I'm next up!

205.4; Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me I Was Fat?

I've been thinking about this for a long time.  Really long. 

In January 2011 I attended a PriorFatGirl event and heard Elle's Story.  And I'll never forget the feelings I had when hearing about it.  She talks about how her parents invited her over (for dinner I believe).  While there, they confronted her about her weight.  I was angry when I first heard it.  Angry with a capital A and it wasn't even my story!  How dare someone who cares about you sit you down and tell you you're overweight?  And while she explained that her parent's were only concerned about her health and she understands, I still thought it was horrible.  I mean really?  How could they?

Earlier this year I heard Elle talk again at another PriorFatGirl event.  She told the same story.  Only she had years between her and the confrontation and I had years between my start to get healthy.  The story still made me angry.  And let me tell you that she does a good job of telling her story form both her side and her parent's side.  How her parents were concerned about her weight and how it was affecting her health.  About the path she was taking with her body not being a good one.  About how much they cared and how hard that had to be for them.  Yet I was still angry for her.

Now that I have a good 80 pounds between me and my heaviest weight I'm in a different place.  I look at the few pictures I can find of myself during that time and I'm amazed.  How different my face looks.  How different my body looks both in clothes and out.  How I was smiling, but wonder if I was really happy? 

I can't help but wonder why no one told me I was fat?  Was my weight creeping up so slowly that no one noticed?  I sure didn't.  Not until one spring in college when I went to buy cute clothes and realized that by the time I got the size I needed, they weren't cute anymore.  I realized it when I started walking that spring to lose weight and some random stranger called me fat and told me to do something about it.  Hello!  Don't you see me walking?

Maybe they did try to tell me I was fat?  I do remember receiving a call from a local weight loss center after I moved back to my parent's house.  I hadn't signed up for anything, but someone had signed me up and given my phone number.  I remember the heat of my embarrassed face and the weeks long wonder who did it and was it my family?  Maybe in their own way they said little things to me about not eating so much or to go out and do something?  Honestly nothing sticks out in such a way that it would have made an impact. 

So while I can say now that I wish someone had said something, I have to be honest and tell you that I likely would have reacted in anger and hurt had they done so.  For anyone, friend or family, to call me out as fat, even though it was couched with concern about my health, I would have been upset.  But maybe, just maybe, I would have made the connection that I had to take control earlier.  Maybe I would have taken the plunge to join a gym or talk to my doctor or something.  Maybe I wouldn't be fighting this as a 42 year old, but rather at 20-something.

Have you ever sat down with someone and told them you were concerned for their health in any manner?  How did you say it and how did they take it?  Would you ever try it again?  I'm having a hard time figuring out what I'd say to someone in my life.  But I do know that I'd likely need to figure out a way to tell them of my concern, even if it meant they were mad for a while.

206; Friday Fives

1.  I am super excited to take a 2.5 hour motorcycle ride tomorrow to my college roommate's house.  Her daughter is graduating (I feel old.) and they're having a grad party.  We see each other only a couple of times a year, but she is one of my oldest friends and I love her.

2.  I need to get a grad gift (see #1) that does not suck.  Not really feeling the money thing, but as you can tell I am a major procrastinator.

3.  My weight is going back down.  I've been exercising more.  But my right knee joint is pretty sore after running.

4.  I'm trying to talk my super duper husband into a date night tonight.  I feel like music and relaxation and some people watching.

5.  I bought some new jeans last night.  From Cabala's.  Interestingly enough they have jeans that a jean weight that seem to fit my booty the best.  I washed them last night so I could wear them today.  Yay for new jeans!