I don't know whether to be defeated or more motivated. I think I'm choosing motivated. 240 on the scale today. It may be because I indulged on a tiny kid sized can of root beet last night or it just may be that I gained weight. Who knows?
I do know that the journal thing isn't going to work if I don't have it with me. So I put it in my purse and I'm trying it out today. I created a menu & shopping list in it this morning. If nothing else, it's allowing me to plan for the grocery store this time, rather than punt (get the Superbowl reference?) once I get there. I didn't shop last week in an effort to clean out the cupboards & fridge. I miss fresh veggies! Oh how I miss them. I'm super excited to hit up Costco & Trader Joes on my way home from work today.
Have I told you all about my calf? It's the latest in a long string of things that seem to be roadblocks in the journey that I'm on. I injured, pulled, hurt my right calf 2 weeks ago while working out with the trainer. Initially I thought it was just sore, but the soreness hasn't gone away. I've tried to run. Oh how I have tried to run. But it hurts. I can fast walk with little pain, but the elliptical and stair stepper and the running are no good. I did kettlebells this mornings and it was ok, other than not being able to do the burpies.
It's a journey, right? And I'm validated by knowing that it's MY JOURNEY. I just keep plugging along because that's what I do. Stopping is not an option and sooner or later I will get there.
Friday, February 04, 2011
??
On 10/23/10 I went to the first Prior Fat Girl Event. At the end of the event I was inspired, but still a bit reluctant to let my inner self get too excited. At the end Jen had us write letters to ourselves. She said she'd mail the letters out sometime in the future.
My letter came yesterday and this is what it said:
Dear Self,
You deserve to be happy, wherever you are in your journey.
You should be working out to feel good, if for no other reason. You deserve to eat well, even if it costs more. You deserve to experience your journey as yours and no one elses. You deserve to put yourself first - don't worry about others.
You deserve to be you. You now, you later and you past.
Remember your journey. Remember your goals of 70 pounds by 2/1/11.
You can do it.
Love,
Me
My letter came yesterday and this is what it said:
Dear Self,
You deserve to be happy, wherever you are in your journey.
You should be working out to feel good, if for no other reason. You deserve to eat well, even if it costs more. You deserve to experience your journey as yours and no one elses. You deserve to put yourself first - don't worry about others.
You deserve to be you. You now, you later and you past.
Remember your journey. Remember your goals of 70 pounds by 2/1/11.
You can do it.
Love,
Me
Thursday, February 03, 2011
I want new clothes
Simple as that. I want new clothes. I think part of it is, it's coming up to the time where spring clothes are in the stores and they look so appealing and have the promise of warmer weather approaching. So I want them. I neeeeeeeed them.
Instead I fondle them, I browse them, I pull them out and turn them around, I carry them with me in the store (but put them back), I try them on, I linger over them, I put outfits together, I find matching earrings, I imagine me in places out in the world with them on, I smile at them, I imagine them with things that I already own.
Seriously. I must look like the biggest nerd in the store. And by store, I currently mean Target or Old Navy. I'm at that stage where I'm not investing in clothes, they're a temporary stop and I don't want to spend a lot on them. Is that a bad thing? I'm being serious for a second. Sometimes I wonder if I refuse to spend much on clothes because I don't think that I'm worth it. Other times I think that I'm just being frugal and can't imagine spending $100 on a pair of jeans.
Remember my goal? The one where I said that I could buy new clothes if I lost 15 pounds by 3/22? I'm still working towards it. Let me restate - I'm still determined to reach that goal.
So instead of buying a few new tops here and there or a new pair of work pants or whatever, I browse. I try on. I think. Then I put it all back and leave the store. Go ahead. Laugh. I do it when I put it all back. But I also smile a bit inside. I'm sticking to this goal. I'm remembering the goal when the mood strikes to shop. And I can see how far I've come by the sizes that I fit into.
So, it's all good.
Instead I fondle them, I browse them, I pull them out and turn them around, I carry them with me in the store (but put them back), I try them on, I linger over them, I put outfits together, I find matching earrings, I imagine me in places out in the world with them on, I smile at them, I imagine them with things that I already own.
Seriously. I must look like the biggest nerd in the store. And by store, I currently mean Target or Old Navy. I'm at that stage where I'm not investing in clothes, they're a temporary stop and I don't want to spend a lot on them. Is that a bad thing? I'm being serious for a second. Sometimes I wonder if I refuse to spend much on clothes because I don't think that I'm worth it. Other times I think that I'm just being frugal and can't imagine spending $100 on a pair of jeans.
Remember my goal? The one where I said that I could buy new clothes if I lost 15 pounds by 3/22? I'm still working towards it. Let me restate - I'm still determined to reach that goal.
So instead of buying a few new tops here and there or a new pair of work pants or whatever, I browse. I try on. I think. Then I put it all back and leave the store. Go ahead. Laugh. I do it when I put it all back. But I also smile a bit inside. I'm sticking to this goal. I'm remembering the goal when the mood strikes to shop. And I can see how far I've come by the sizes that I fit into.
So, it's all good.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Mid Week With Pete
Pete's down over 30 pounds 32 pounds! His goal is 40 pounds before the surgery.
I have to tell you that my trainer thought he was a wimp. Really. He'd come in with me to the gym at 5am and do about 20 minutes of weights and then do this shoulder machine that is geared for people who have to learn how to live with a wheelchair. I've seen it in rehab centers for shoulder injuries. Anyway, she thought it was a wimp because that's all that she saw him do.
Then he told her (as I had previously) that he goes home and does an hour on our treadmill. 4-6 miles in a n hour. She no longer thinks that he is a wimp.
He has the 2nd of 4 appointments with the psychologist for the behavioral assessment for the surgery this week. He has to take the MMPI and then the next appointment is a follow up interview from the test. The last appointment is the final summarizing appointment.
The sleep doctor appointment was late last week. The doctor told him that he has mild-moderate sleep apnea on his back. If he was a back sleeper, he would need a machine. However, as the doctor pointed out, the study tech had to keep asking Pete to turn on his back when sleeping. So it's not an issue. In fact, it's likely that it would all clear up after he loses the weight from the surgery.
I have to tell you that my trainer thought he was a wimp. Really. He'd come in with me to the gym at 5am and do about 20 minutes of weights and then do this shoulder machine that is geared for people who have to learn how to live with a wheelchair. I've seen it in rehab centers for shoulder injuries. Anyway, she thought it was a wimp because that's all that she saw him do.
Then he told her (as I had previously) that he goes home and does an hour on our treadmill. 4-6 miles in a n hour. She no longer thinks that he is a wimp.
He has the 2nd of 4 appointments with the psychologist for the behavioral assessment for the surgery this week. He has to take the MMPI and then the next appointment is a follow up interview from the test. The last appointment is the final summarizing appointment.
The sleep doctor appointment was late last week. The doctor told him that he has mild-moderate sleep apnea on his back. If he was a back sleeper, he would need a machine. However, as the doctor pointed out, the study tech had to keep asking Pete to turn on his back when sleeping. So it's not an issue. In fact, it's likely that it would all clear up after he loses the weight from the surgery.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Half Way
My weekly goal - the 5 times to the gym...I'm half way there. Since I weigh myself every Friday, I start my gym week over again on Saturday morning.
Saturday: Walk/Ran 2.25 miles in 35 minutes at the gym. Then came home and spent an hour vacuuming. I'm only counting this as exercise because I actually produced a sweat! lol. I was scrubbing the stairs with the comb attachment. Then I was always moving with the 3 kids on Saturday. A.L.W.A.Y.S.
Sunday: Day off
Monday: Fitness test with the trainer & 2 miles in 30 minutes. I haven't lost a whole bunch of weight. But I'm more toned, have better balance and am definitely stronger.
Tuesday: 1 hour strength training with trainer. 556 calories burned/22% fat in 65 minutes. (smile)
I'm more than half way there to my 5 times. My plan is to go tomorrow and try the treadmill. I have a calf issue and I'm going to wrap it and see if it makes a difference. Thursday will be my second day off. Then Friday I'm going to do 30 minutes on the treadmill and my 30 minute kettlebell class.
It's a plan!
Saturday: Walk/Ran 2.25 miles in 35 minutes at the gym. Then came home and spent an hour vacuuming. I'm only counting this as exercise because I actually produced a sweat! lol. I was scrubbing the stairs with the comb attachment. Then I was always moving with the 3 kids on Saturday. A.L.W.A.Y.S.
Sunday: Day off
Monday: Fitness test with the trainer & 2 miles in 30 minutes. I haven't lost a whole bunch of weight. But I'm more toned, have better balance and am definitely stronger.
Tuesday: 1 hour strength training with trainer. 556 calories burned/22% fat in 65 minutes. (smile)
I'm more than half way there to my 5 times. My plan is to go tomorrow and try the treadmill. I have a calf issue and I'm going to wrap it and see if it makes a difference. Thursday will be my second day off. Then Friday I'm going to do 30 minutes on the treadmill and my 30 minute kettlebell class.
It's a plan!
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