You Can't Juice A Banana

So last week Pete traded appliances with a friend.  (really)

He traded our never used air popper, panini maker and rice cooker for a juicer.  I'm not sure who got the better deal.  But I will say that even if we trade back, we got the chance to use something new and see if it worked for us before we bought.

He's juiced pears, apples, oranges, strawberries, tomatoes, carrots, kale, bell peppers and hot peppers, lemons, cranberries, broccoli, cauliflower and pineapple. 

Not all together though.  He makes his own blend of things, drinks the juice and goes on his way.  I keep pointing out that the pineapple orange isn't really the intention of the machine.  I mean, sure, it's fresh produce, but it's all sugar.  I keep trying to get him to juice kale and tomatoes and add a few berries in for sweetness so that he's getting more veggies.  (he doesn't eat many veggies)

So over the weekend he sent me all these SMOOTHIE recipes, as a suggestion on what produce to buy him for the week.  Only I had to point out that you can't really juice a banana.  Right?  I guess we could try.  I told him that smoothies are for the blender and juice is, well, for the juicer.  I encouraged him to look up juicing and the benefits and recipes.  All I get in response is smoothie recipes.

I had him juice me some cranberries and oranges.  I've been adding that to my water every day to give it a bit of flavor. 

Anyone else juice?  Got any non banana recipes for Pete?

I Need To Get It Together

Somewhere, along the way I lost the me who was pretty organized and on top of it all.  Maybe I really did lose a whole bunch of brain cells the 2 months of sitting watching reality TV after surgery.  Who knows?

I've randomly gone to the gym here and there, but nothing consistent.  I am attending physical therapy though and doing exercises at home.  Last week I felt my lower abs engage for the first time since prior to surgery.  It.  Was. Awesome.

I've both watched what I ate and gone back to trick or treating my own fridge for chocolate.  I hover somewhere around 209.  Not happy about it.  But I'm also not beating myself up over it at this point.

I work from home most days so I'm more relaxed, less make up and have hair that sticks up in random places.  But I also have counseling appointments, physical therapy appointments, staff meetings and other random meetings that I have to go to each week.  So I feel LESS organized and relaxed in some ways.

I am doing really good in the relaxation area though.  I've rediscovered crocheting and how relaxing and rewarding it is to craft.  I've done a few Christmas presents, some scarves for myself and I'm working on a big ol blanket.

My goals do include getting back to the gym on a regular basis.  I think I'm waiting for life to get easier, but my realization is that it's not going to get better than this for a while.  So...here goes:

Goals:
Get to the gym 3 days in the next week for at least an hour at a time.
Eat cleaner.  More veggies and lean protein and less cheese, muddy buddies and chocolate.
Plan week on Monday mornings and post calendar for Pete so he knows where to find me.

I'm using this as my accountability partner for the week.

I Hate The Elliptical

I hate the elliptical.  The round and round motion throws me off balance and sometimes I suddenly stop and yet the foot pad shoots up and throws me off to the side.  Maybe it's just that I'm uncoordinated?

Running.  I'd much rather run. 

I can see my body sunning in my head and if I close my eyes I can feel the treadmill under me, running smoothly with my feet hitting it.  I run fast and hard and far.  Then I slow down and job, looking around.  I push myself and run hard again and see myself crossing a finish line to victory.

I want to run again.  I want to feel my legs tired from exerting.  I want to feel the strength in my legs carry me over miles and miles.  I want to sweat and get red faced and all the other things that I complained about. 

Instead, I walk.  Walk quickly for 30-40 minutes and get on that elliptical for 10 minutes.  But everyone starts somewhere, right?

Feeeeeeeelings......

Woah, woah Woah, feeeeeeeelings... (is it only me that has that song in my head?)

So feelings.  Powerful things.  Learning a lot about them.  Mostly - there is no such thing as a bad feeling.  What we can and should change is how we deal with them.  And what I'm learning is that we come from a generation of people who wasn't all that great at allowing feelings and modeling good behavior with regard to feelings. 

I read this quote from Bears receiver Brandon Marshall about Incognito bullying a team mate:

“Look at it from this standpoint,” Marshall said. “Take a little boy and a little girl. A little boy falls down and the first thing we say as parents is ‘Get up, shake it off. You’ll be OK. Don’t cry.’ A little girl falls down, what do we say? ‘It’s going to be OK.’ We validate their feelings. So right there from that moment, we’re teaching our men to mask their feelings, to not show their emotions.

Wow.  He's right.  And I think that we not only do that with little boys, but we also do it with little girls.  We do it because we don't want kids thinking that every small thing is a big issue and getting upset about it.  But we, because I've done it too, go about it the wrong way at times.

So as an adult, I've learned that my feelings are valid at the time that I'm experiencing them.  I'm ok to feel that way.  But I can be positive and proactive and learn how to take control of the feelings.  I'm the person who creates BIG balloons of details about something I perceive in my head, when I could stem that process by just asking questions about the issue. 

Pete sells Body By Vi and has a multitude of customers.  He often times offers locals not only the shakes, but personal help in starting a weight loss/fitness program.  At times it's very demanding.  In the last week, there were several days that he spent more time with a couple of customers than me.  After a few days I started building this story in my head about how he didn't want to spend time with me, how he was leaving me behind, how he would rather be out with others.  In the past, I would have let this go and build and build.  But this time, I chose to just tell Pete that I was feeling lonely and left out.  1 sentence.  No confrontation.  No big story.  You know what happened?  He validated my feelings, realized that he hadn't made time for me and we planned a night out.  Solved. 

It. Was. Awesome. 

It felt powerful and calming and loving. 

So, the next time you catch yourself telling someone (child or adult) to shake off their feelings, think about how you're doing it.  Can you validate the feeling and share ways to deal with it in a positive and loving manner?  Try it!

Long Time; No See

So Monday morning I went off to my counseling appointment.  We talked more about what I wanted out of counseling and less about the past, if that makes sense.  More about where I am and less about how I got there.

She was happy that I blog and seem to keep a running list of what's going on with me at any given time.  And at the end she gave me an assignment of sorts.  To label my feelings throughout the week, explore them and come to some conclusion about them.  To learn what things I can change and what I can't.  She also asked that I print my blogs so she can see them.

You know what happened?  I got a blogging block.  Seriously.

So let's explore this.  I blogged in the beginning to track what I was going through.  I blog to get things out of my head, onto paper and so that I can review them later.  I blog to help myself and others.  Yet blogging so someone can read it and tell me what I'm going through may not be the right way to do it?  Totally scary. 

So I stopped blogging (as evidenced by my lack of posts).

A couple of times this week I've had anxiety and I get all "I want to jump out of my skin" and pace a bit and my mind goes from 45 mph to 145 mph and speeds away from me.  A couple of the times I talked it over in my head (I swear this is a good thing, not an "I hear voices talking to me" thing).  A couple times I talked myself out of it.  Meaning I had this story all built up in my head about something that Pete was doing and talked myself through a conversation with him about it (because I don't like confrontation).  When I realized that I maybe making a way bigger thing out of it than needs to be and that I may very well be wrong.  So I backed my brain down to 45 mph and just asked him.  I was wrong.  Solved.

But there was also a time this week that I get very anxiety ridden and Pete wasn't home and I got tearful about feeling very very alone again and it overwhelmed me.  I started trying to think about it all and suddenly remembered the sheet about the feelings.  Perfect!  I literally ran to it to start writing.  And in the quick few word statements that I made I quickly tamped that anxiety way down.  Maybe it' documenting it?  Maybe it's learning a new way to address it?  But the specific items on the sheet worked well for me.

So it's Friday afternoon and I hope you're all out having fun.  I have goals this weekend and coming week:
1.  Tomorrow I'm meeting with women at Bright Pink in Minneapolis.  I am determined to keep meeting women who are high risk for breast cancer and or have had surgery and make some connections.  They don't have to be perfect, just connections.
2.  I'm going to enjoy ice cream date with Pete tomorrow to tour a local ice cream shop.
3.  I'm going to take time to relax and crochet.
4.  I'm going to go to the gym at least once.
5.  I'm going to plan my week with hopefully less in and out of the house as this week.