I'm sitting in my dark office and only half of my face has feeling in it.
By last night I couldn't stand the pain from my tooth. Clearly and antibiotics were not helping it because that was day 7 and it was only getting worse, not better. The pain was so bad that my Tylenol 3 for my TMJ didn't even touch the pain. I think I slept about 20 minutes at a time and woke up with pain and throbbing each time.
So this morning I called the dentist and was disappointed that I couldn't get in until 1:30. Then then my phone rang at 9:15 and I was told that if I could get there by 9:30, they'd see me. So I ran, err drove quickly there. The dentist took an extra, looked at the tooth and commiserated with me. Apparently it was a bad cavity that had pulp showing and was all the way to my root.
So I was off to the endodontist to get a root canal that should put me out of my misery. Only remember, I have TMJ? Take your index and middle finger and turn them sideways. Then open your teeth and stick them in. If you can fit both fingers in, you're a normal female. I'm not. Turn those two fingers back, but stick them on top of each other. That's about how far I can open...on a good day.
The whole way to the endodontist I struggled with anxiety that reaches a panic attack. Will I have enough room for the endodontist to work? Will it be a big man with big hands or a small woman with petite fingers? I try lots of things to get me through this, mostly I self talk about how it will be ok. How we will both do the best we can. How they're not going to be mad for my small opening.
I got to the office and in the chair and my anxiety loomed over me like a huge shadow on a sunny day. I met the endodontist and he was so nice and caring. It put me at ease. But then he started the root canal. And I tense up, I get hot, I do a lot of negative self talk and my face gets white. The assistant keeps asking if I'm ok and I recognize that as my cue to relax. I start trying to visualize my back yard and the soft feel of Nico's fur. The sun on my face and the wind over my skin. I do a lot of imagery talk to take me away from what is going on and somehow the 45 minutes passes and I am done.
It's about 3 hours and the Novocaine is wearing off. My tooth is aching from the work done on it. My jaw has muscle spasms that are painful. My forehead is tense because the muscles up there are spasming also. I can also feel all the tendons and connective tissues in my neck getting sore from over extending my opening for so long.
But the throbbing tooth? It's gone. Well, that's not true. It's throbbing, but from work, not from unknown pain. And I'm hopeful with a little rest and relaxation tonight that I can spend my vacation virtually pain free.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
202.6; Sinus or Tooth?
A week ago I had such a headache after work. I woke up Tuesday morning with a migraine of sorts on the right side of my head. I spent all day in bed resting and took my migraine meds. However, none of it helped. Wednesday I woke up and my teeth were throbbing, my cheek felt like it would explode and the pressure in my head was enormous.
I went to the local minute clinic and found that my temp was almost 100 and I likely had a bad sinus infection. So home again with antibiotics, soup and mucinex. I spent the day resting, taking the meds and still no relief from the throbbing. Thursday brought more of the same. I hoped with with everything that Friday would bring 48 hours of meds and some painless days. But it wasn't to be.
Friday Pete rode the bike with the trailer down to the last campout. I took the suv and the pup as company. All weekend my cheek throbbed and it felt like someone had punched me. Yesterday morning Pete filled my suv full of things and I drove the 2.5 hours home. Only to shower off any allergens from being outside and head to bed. My cheek felt better, but my teeth were still hurting.
Today is day 6 of antibiotics. My head feels less clogged. But my toofers? They're still a hurtin'. The glands in my neck? They're still big and sore. My cheek and jaw still feel like I got slugged in a wicked girl fight.
So now my question is this? Is this a sinus infection gone horribly wrong? Or is it a tooth gone horribly wrong?
Either way, as you can tell, I'm up from 200 to 202. Working out with throbbing body parts isn't advised, it makes them throb more.
I went to the local minute clinic and found that my temp was almost 100 and I likely had a bad sinus infection. So home again with antibiotics, soup and mucinex. I spent the day resting, taking the meds and still no relief from the throbbing. Thursday brought more of the same. I hoped with with everything that Friday would bring 48 hours of meds and some painless days. But it wasn't to be.
Friday Pete rode the bike with the trailer down to the last campout. I took the suv and the pup as company. All weekend my cheek throbbed and it felt like someone had punched me. Yesterday morning Pete filled my suv full of things and I drove the 2.5 hours home. Only to shower off any allergens from being outside and head to bed. My cheek felt better, but my teeth were still hurting.
Today is day 6 of antibiotics. My head feels less clogged. But my toofers? They're still a hurtin'. The glands in my neck? They're still big and sore. My cheek and jaw still feel like I got slugged in a wicked girl fight.
So now my question is this? Is this a sinus infection gone horribly wrong? Or is it a tooth gone horribly wrong?
Either way, as you can tell, I'm up from 200 to 202. Working out with throbbing body parts isn't advised, it makes them throb more.
Thursday, August 09, 2012
201.6: Band Update
I went in yesterday to the bariatric center. Have I told you all about my doctor? Her name is Dr July. Really. She's the perfect doctor in my opinion. She listens. She remembers you and asks about things you talked about last time. She takes what you say seriously and considers it. And she smiles. I'll be attending monthly appointments for the first year of the band; through March 2013.
My visits start with the NP bringing me back to be weighed. Yesterday my weight there was 202.3. My scale differs from theirs. Actually it may not, but I am usually about 3 pounds heavier on their scale. Now that I think about it, it's likely because I'm clothed at the doctor's office. I had lost only 3 pounds from last month. Then it's the normal blood pressure (105/52 which is normal for me) and pulse check.
The NP asks me about the last month: How has my eating been? How many cups can I eat at a meal? How much water do I drink? How much do I exercise? Any issues with the band? Any food getting stuck? Then he asks me if I think I need a fill. My answer is always yes, at least it always has been. My criteria for this is that I can eat more an 1.5 cups of food at a meal and that my weight isn't going down further than a couple of pounds a month. Their criteria for a fill is much like mine.
After that, Dr July comes in to talk. She asks similar questions and then decides how much to put in. In the past it's been 1 or 2 ccs. This fill was for .5 cc. I am now up to 9cc out of a possible 11cc.
I do feel some restriction in how I eat, but not much. I feel fuller faster, but still can eat 2 cups. My goal is to feel some restriction when I eat to remind me to stop. My other goal is to get fuller way faster.
I'm on a liquid diet for 2 days and soft for 2 days after that to let any irritation with the band resolve it's self. Last night I had soup for dinner and ate about 1/2 the can before I was full. This morning I had a cup of yogurt and that's lasted me until lunch time. My lunch is again soup. The real test will be when I can eat normally again and see if I'm feeling restriction and fuller faster.
My visits start with the NP bringing me back to be weighed. Yesterday my weight there was 202.3. My scale differs from theirs. Actually it may not, but I am usually about 3 pounds heavier on their scale. Now that I think about it, it's likely because I'm clothed at the doctor's office. I had lost only 3 pounds from last month. Then it's the normal blood pressure (105/52 which is normal for me) and pulse check.
The NP asks me about the last month: How has my eating been? How many cups can I eat at a meal? How much water do I drink? How much do I exercise? Any issues with the band? Any food getting stuck? Then he asks me if I think I need a fill. My answer is always yes, at least it always has been. My criteria for this is that I can eat more an 1.5 cups of food at a meal and that my weight isn't going down further than a couple of pounds a month. Their criteria for a fill is much like mine.
After that, Dr July comes in to talk. She asks similar questions and then decides how much to put in. In the past it's been 1 or 2 ccs. This fill was for .5 cc. I am now up to 9cc out of a possible 11cc.
I do feel some restriction in how I eat, but not much. I feel fuller faster, but still can eat 2 cups. My goal is to feel some restriction when I eat to remind me to stop. My other goal is to get fuller way faster.
I'm on a liquid diet for 2 days and soft for 2 days after that to let any irritation with the band resolve it's self. Last night I had soup for dinner and ate about 1/2 the can before I was full. This morning I had a cup of yogurt and that's lasted me until lunch time. My lunch is again soup. The real test will be when I can eat normally again and see if I'm feeling restriction and fuller faster.
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
202.0; Going on Vacation
In a few weeks my whole family is going on vacation together. We're renting cabins in a resort. I'm pretty excited about it. This is the first vacation I've had in about 2 years. The rest of my time off work has been a day here or there. I can't wait to take my Nook to the beach and relax. In fact, I've been saving books and magazines on it.
Naturally we started talking about what to eat while we're there. We're going to share dinners, be on our own for lunches and somehow breakfast is shared again.
Even before we started talking about food I had decided to get a bunch of fruit and veggies and make a couple of trays that we could snack from during the week. I wanted to have fresh food available so I'm not miss crabby pants from eating crap. Pete and I agreed that this was a great plan.
When my family started talking about breakfasts, it's a lot of egg bake, french toast bake, danish ring kind of things. And honestly my first thought was "All I want is my oatmeal or yogurt and some fruit." But I didn't say anything because I can get that kind of stuff on my own. And who would have thought a few years ago that I would turn down sugary French toast for oatmeal and fruit?
Lunches are easy. I'm going to use the fruit and veggies to make sure I'm getting some good stuff in. Then maybe add some tuna salad and some lunch meat for simple sandwiches. I will admit that I'm making banana bread, some smores bars and likely some other kind of bar cookie to bring up for everyone.
Dinners are things like ham and potatoes, steak and potatoes, chicken/ribs and potatoes, burgers and chips. Meat and carbs. When I look at it, I want to add green salads, veggies and fruit to round out the meals. I think I can make those pretty healthy.
I think this is just another example of how I used to eat and how I eat now. I love the change and hope that it doesn't cause conflict.
Naturally we started talking about what to eat while we're there. We're going to share dinners, be on our own for lunches and somehow breakfast is shared again.
Even before we started talking about food I had decided to get a bunch of fruit and veggies and make a couple of trays that we could snack from during the week. I wanted to have fresh food available so I'm not miss crabby pants from eating crap. Pete and I agreed that this was a great plan.
When my family started talking about breakfasts, it's a lot of egg bake, french toast bake, danish ring kind of things. And honestly my first thought was "All I want is my oatmeal or yogurt and some fruit." But I didn't say anything because I can get that kind of stuff on my own. And who would have thought a few years ago that I would turn down sugary French toast for oatmeal and fruit?
Lunches are easy. I'm going to use the fruit and veggies to make sure I'm getting some good stuff in. Then maybe add some tuna salad and some lunch meat for simple sandwiches. I will admit that I'm making banana bread, some smores bars and likely some other kind of bar cookie to bring up for everyone.
Dinners are things like ham and potatoes, steak and potatoes, chicken/ribs and potatoes, burgers and chips. Meat and carbs. When I look at it, I want to add green salads, veggies and fruit to round out the meals. I think I can make those pretty healthy.
I think this is just another example of how I used to eat and how I eat now. I love the change and hope that it doesn't cause conflict.
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
200; A letter to me
Dear Me in 2008:
I know you're not going to believe any of this, but please listen.
You are overweight. You are in love and about to get married and you are overweight. And only you can change this. No one else can force you or make you change. I promise you, if you take the steps to change they will involve struggle and tears and frustration. They will also produce wonderful changes both inside and out.
Firstly, stop drinking soda. At some point in the next couple of years soda will be the last thing on your mind. You will crave water on a daily basis and drink about 120 ounces a day. You will try soda, but realize that it takes too chemically and pretty gross. Yes, even Diet Dr Pepper will taste awful. And carbonation? After stopping it, you realize how full and bloated it made you to drink. You'll no longer crave it and in fact, you'll avoid it all together.
Next, stop with the crappy food. Really. You don't need chips and sweet donuts and crap. One day you'll realize that your body craves fresh fruits and veggies. You'll realize that ground beef has a much different taste & texture than ground turkey and you actually like the turkey better. You'll wonder why you ate some of the things you eat and realize they did you no favors. Boxed mac and cheese will no longer taste good. Canned food no longer tastes good. Realize that your body is made for real food, not processed stuff.
Portion sizes. Just because it's on your plate doesn't mean you have to eat it. And just because you dished it up, doesn't mean you have to eat it. Use that salad plate as your dinner plate. It's more than enough to hold a meal's worth of food. Lower your portion sizes and half the battle is won.
Work hard at the gym as much as you can. Understand that this will be a battle that will continue the rest of your life. Exercise isn't bad and you can make it fun. Find exercise that you like and have fun with and the hour will fly by. Lift weights in addition to cardio so that you build muscle to burn more fat. Listen to your body and how happy it is after exercising.
Dear self, you can do this.
You can do this.
I know you're not going to believe any of this, but please listen.
You are overweight. You are in love and about to get married and you are overweight. And only you can change this. No one else can force you or make you change. I promise you, if you take the steps to change they will involve struggle and tears and frustration. They will also produce wonderful changes both inside and out.
Firstly, stop drinking soda. At some point in the next couple of years soda will be the last thing on your mind. You will crave water on a daily basis and drink about 120 ounces a day. You will try soda, but realize that it takes too chemically and pretty gross. Yes, even Diet Dr Pepper will taste awful. And carbonation? After stopping it, you realize how full and bloated it made you to drink. You'll no longer crave it and in fact, you'll avoid it all together.
Next, stop with the crappy food. Really. You don't need chips and sweet donuts and crap. One day you'll realize that your body craves fresh fruits and veggies. You'll realize that ground beef has a much different taste & texture than ground turkey and you actually like the turkey better. You'll wonder why you ate some of the things you eat and realize they did you no favors. Boxed mac and cheese will no longer taste good. Canned food no longer tastes good. Realize that your body is made for real food, not processed stuff.
Portion sizes. Just because it's on your plate doesn't mean you have to eat it. And just because you dished it up, doesn't mean you have to eat it. Use that salad plate as your dinner plate. It's more than enough to hold a meal's worth of food. Lower your portion sizes and half the battle is won.
Work hard at the gym as much as you can. Understand that this will be a battle that will continue the rest of your life. Exercise isn't bad and you can make it fun. Find exercise that you like and have fun with and the hour will fly by. Lift weights in addition to cardio so that you build muscle to burn more fat. Listen to your body and how happy it is after exercising.
Dear self, you can do this.
You can do this.
Monday, August 06, 2012
201; Quietly now...
I may be over the hump of my 204-205 days
I ran twice last week. Friday I couldn't get up to do it. My sinus' have been bothering me, which means I sleep horribly and getting up Friday morning was like dragging a teenager out of bed. Not happening.
Saturday I got up and headed in to weigh myself, like I always do. I do this before I put my contacts in. So if you saw me, you'd see me bending down to find the correct button to turn it on. I wait for the correct beep to signal that I can get on. Then I stand as motionless as I can, including holding my breath. Do you think my empty lungs help? No? Oh well. Then I step off and bend all the way over to see the number. This time I was shocked. I blinked several times and then looked again. I stood up. Bent back over and looked a third time. Then I blinked some more. Then I went and got Pete. By that time it had gone blank and I had to redo the whole process.
I weighed 200 pounds. Almost to ONEderland.
Energized, I headed to the gym and ran 6 miles. And I'm not gonna lie. It sucked. But I did it and thought of the number soon starting with a one instead of a 2. I had a great day Saturday running errands, getting things done and a neighborhood gathering. Sunday I got up and my legs hated my brain. I couldn't stretch out enough to get comfortable (as comfortable as one can be) to run. So after about 15 minutes I gave up and hit the ARK trainer for an hour.
This morning I was back at 201. But damn, I'll take it! I think I may have slid over the plateau of 204 that I was stuck at. I am bound and determined to get it down to ONEderland for a week by the end of this month. BOUND AND DETERMINED!
I ran twice last week. Friday I couldn't get up to do it. My sinus' have been bothering me, which means I sleep horribly and getting up Friday morning was like dragging a teenager out of bed. Not happening.
Saturday I got up and headed in to weigh myself, like I always do. I do this before I put my contacts in. So if you saw me, you'd see me bending down to find the correct button to turn it on. I wait for the correct beep to signal that I can get on. Then I stand as motionless as I can, including holding my breath. Do you think my empty lungs help? No? Oh well. Then I step off and bend all the way over to see the number. This time I was shocked. I blinked several times and then looked again. I stood up. Bent back over and looked a third time. Then I blinked some more. Then I went and got Pete. By that time it had gone blank and I had to redo the whole process.
I weighed 200 pounds. Almost to ONEderland.
Energized, I headed to the gym and ran 6 miles. And I'm not gonna lie. It sucked. But I did it and thought of the number soon starting with a one instead of a 2. I had a great day Saturday running errands, getting things done and a neighborhood gathering. Sunday I got up and my legs hated my brain. I couldn't stretch out enough to get comfortable (as comfortable as one can be) to run. So after about 15 minutes I gave up and hit the ARK trainer for an hour.
This morning I was back at 201. But damn, I'll take it! I think I may have slid over the plateau of 204 that I was stuck at. I am bound and determined to get it down to ONEderland for a week by the end of this month. BOUND AND DETERMINED!
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
205.2; My Other Confession
I stopped going to the gym for 3 weeks.
I burned out.
I get really really good streaks in me where I'm at the gym 5 or 6 days a week and I feel great. But then something happens and I burn out. My days end up looking like this:
4:40am: up and get ready for the gym/drive to gym
5am: workout for an hour
6:15: home; make coffee and get lunch from fridge
6:30: shower and ready for work
7:15: leave for work
7:30: arrive at work
work for 8-12 hours depending on the day
6pm: (generally) home
6:15 start dinner
6:30: eat dinner
7:00: do odd jobs, laundry, small cleaning,
9:00 head to bed to watch the news and talk with Pete
10pm: sleep
When you start to add in things like working 10-12 hour days so I can take Fridays off. Heading out of town every Friday to camp with the club. Family gatherings on weekends... I start to burn out. Not just from the gym, but from life it's self. When that happens I shut down. I shut everything down. All I want to do is take a day where I'm supposed to be somewhere and lay in bed watching reality TV and reading in between naps.
Slowly I start to add things back in again. Working longer days, activities, date nights. But it seems as though things need to be fully on track again for me to add the gym. I'm aware that I'd likely start feeling much better, much quicker if I even started to add 1 day a week to my schedule. But I resist and tell myself that I don't have time. It's my flawed thinking. Because reality is that I have time for anything that I see important.
So I'm back to the gym. Up 2 days in a row and running on that treadmill. Suffice it to say I don't think I'm running any races this year. But it's my goal to run next year. I would like to just try to run a 10K on my own like I did the 5K, to see if I can do it. Small steps though; I'm just hoping for 5/7 days at the gym this week.
I burned out.
I get really really good streaks in me where I'm at the gym 5 or 6 days a week and I feel great. But then something happens and I burn out. My days end up looking like this:
4:40am: up and get ready for the gym/drive to gym
5am: workout for an hour
6:15: home; make coffee and get lunch from fridge
6:30: shower and ready for work
7:15: leave for work
7:30: arrive at work
work for 8-12 hours depending on the day
6pm: (generally) home
6:15 start dinner
6:30: eat dinner
7:00: do odd jobs, laundry, small cleaning,
9:00 head to bed to watch the news and talk with Pete
10pm: sleep
When you start to add in things like working 10-12 hour days so I can take Fridays off. Heading out of town every Friday to camp with the club. Family gatherings on weekends... I start to burn out. Not just from the gym, but from life it's self. When that happens I shut down. I shut everything down. All I want to do is take a day where I'm supposed to be somewhere and lay in bed watching reality TV and reading in between naps.
Slowly I start to add things back in again. Working longer days, activities, date nights. But it seems as though things need to be fully on track again for me to add the gym. I'm aware that I'd likely start feeling much better, much quicker if I even started to add 1 day a week to my schedule. But I resist and tell myself that I don't have time. It's my flawed thinking. Because reality is that I have time for anything that I see important.
So I'm back to the gym. Up 2 days in a row and running on that treadmill. Suffice it to say I don't think I'm running any races this year. But it's my goal to run next year. I would like to just try to run a 10K on my own like I did the 5K, to see if I can do it. Small steps though; I'm just hoping for 5/7 days at the gym this week.
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